Stardust

[Shakespeare and his men are selling collected lightning bolts to Ferdy, their fence]

Captain Shakespeare: So! Name your best price.

Ferdy the Fence: For 10,000 bolts?

Captain Shakespeare: 10,000 bolts of finest quality Grade A.

Ferdy the Fence: Yeah, but it's difficult to shift, isn't it? Difficult to store. If I get the revenue man in here sniffing around. Uhmmm... Best price: 150 Guineas.

Captain Shakespeare: [to his crew] Gentlemen, put the merchandise back on board and prepare to sail.

Ferdy the Fence: Whoa, whoa! Hold on. Hold on. One minute, Cuddles. 160? 160.

Captain Shakespeare: Seeing as I'm feeling particularly generous today, I'll settle for 200.

Ferdy the Fence: 200? Okay, you're having a laugh.

[Ferdy laughs]

Ferdy the Fence: Have you had your head in that? Has he been staying up where the air's too thin?

Captain Shakespeare: [darkly] You're being very rude.

Ferdy the Fence: Not any more.

Captain Shakespeare: 200.

Ferdy the Fence: 180.

Captain Shakespeare: 200.

Ferdy the Fence: That's not negotiation! I'm changing my number! 185.

Captain Shakespeare: Did I hear 200?

Ferdy the Fence: From you, you did. Yeah.

Captain Shakespeare: You said 200?

Ferdy the Fence: If I did, you're a ventriloquist. Okay, 195. Final offer.

Captain Shakespeare: 195 it is.

[they shake hands to seal the deal]

Captain Shakespeare: So, with sales tax, that's... let's see... 200.

Ferdy the Fence: [resignedly] Brilliant. Put it in the back.

Tristan: [Tristan goes to see Victoria on her birthday, picks up a small stone for the window to call her as he used to, then smiles, drops the stone and knocks on the front door, Victoria answers] Happy birthday.

Victoria: [Looking pleasantly astonished at Tristan's transformation] What happened to you?

Tristan: I've found the star.

Victoria: I can't believe you did it. Where's my star? Can I see it? Is it beautiful?

Tristan: Yes.

[Tristan reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lock of Yvaine's hair, wrapped in a small piece of white cloth. He gives it to Victoria]

Victoria: Well, it's awfully small.

Tristan: Well, that's just a little piece - a token for your birthday.

Victoria: Well... Well, then forget about the star. It's not the star that I want.

Victoria: [she puts her arms around him]

[seductively]

Victoria: You know what I want.

[they are about to kiss but he pulls away from her]

Tristan: Yeah, I do. You want to grow up and get over yourself.

Victoria: [indignantly] Well! Oh!

[Humphrey appears around the corner and at the sight of Tristan drops a medium sized box wrapped in red wrapping paper that was suspended from his left hand]

Tristan: Humphrey!

Humphrey: Thorn. You must have a death wish.

[Humphrey then unsheathes a small, thin sword. Tristan unsheathes a much larger and and brandishes it menacingly]

Humphrey: [backing down] Ah...

Tristan: [looking amused] Humphrey. Humphrey, it's all right. She's all yours. You really are a perfect couple. The best of luck to you both.

[Victoria looks inside the cloth containing the token that Tristan has given her]

Victoria: [ungratefully] Why would I want this? It's just a measly handful of stardust.