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Donny: [the waitress brings in drinks] Oh, alright, alright, now we're talkin'. Thanks, honey. What the fuck's your name? Jessica. All right. Hey, come on, here's to the kid! He's fuckin' gettin' all fucked up, huh? Tonight! Last night! Fuckin' last night of poontang for this kid!
[takes large sip from drink, then spits it out all over Jessica and Mrs. Ravensdale]
Donny: What the fuck is this?
Mrs. Ravensdale: It's water infused with cucumber, rose pedal, and harvest sandalwood.
Donny: It tastes like fuckin' dick infused with balls, and a side of fuckin' raw sewage jizz.
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Masseuse: [sees 5 dollar bill in Donny's towel] What's this, sir?
Donny: Oh, that's just a little, eheh, tip if you give me a full package.
Masseuse: Oh, okay. That's a 150 dollar additional charge.
Donny: Heh, you're talkin' to the wrong guy. That's a little out of my price range.
Masseuse: It includes scalp treatment, reflexology...
Donny: How much is it to tickle my pickle? To yank my crank? To give me a ho-jo to go? Sweetheart, I'm not asking for a finger up the ass. I just want you to just jerk it a little bit.
Todd: Donny! This isn't a brothel.
Extended Reading