Lyn Cassady: [driving up behind a running prisoner yelling out the window] It's ok we're Americans, we're here to help you!

Bob Wilton: [Truck shakes and rattles a little bit] What happened?

Lyn Cassady: I think I just ran him over. Oh crap.
Bill Django: I'm liberating this base!
Bob Wilton: So what do you use to remote view?

Lyn Cassady: I drink. And I find classic rock helps.

Bob Wilton: Any music in particular?

Lyn Cassady: Boston. Boston usually works.
Lyn Cassady: Dear Mother Earth... I will drink your blue waters... and eat your green skin.
Bob Wilton: It wasn't the Dim Mak that was killing Lyn. And it wasn't the cancer. He was dying of a broken heart. And maybe, the cancer as well.
Brigadier General Dean Hopgood: Did you crash those computers?

Lyn Cassady: Yes, sir.

Brigadier General Dean Hopgood: Far fuckin' out.
Bob Wilton: Don't eat the eggs.

Lyn Cassady: What?

Bob Wilton: Don't eat the eggs. We put LSD in the eggs.

Bill Django: And the water. I put LSD in the main water tank.

Bob Wilton: What? But, we drank the water!

Bill Django: Yeah!
Lyn Cassady: It's ok, you can "attack" me...

Bob Wilton: What's with the quotation fingers? It's like saying I'm only capable of ironic attacking or something.
[first lines]

Brigadier General Dean Hopgood: [with great concentration] Boone.

Lieutenant Boone: Yes sir?

Brigadier General Dean Hopgood: I'm going into the next office.

Lieutenant Boone: Yes sir.

Brigadier General Dean Hopgood: [breaks into a sprint, slams into the wall, falls over] Damn it.
Title Card: More of this is true than you would believe.
Bob Wilton: Every single one of Bill's soldiers fired high. They instinctively hadn't wanted to shoot another person. Later Bill would come across a study which revealed that only 15-20% of fresh soldiers shot to kill. The rest aimed high, didn't fire at all, or pretended to be busy doing something else.
General Brown: So they started doing psy-research because they thought we were doing psy-research, when in fact we weren't doing psy-research?

Brigadier General Dean Hopgood: Yes sir. But now that they *are* doing psy-research, we're gonna have to do psy-research, sir.

[leans forward]

Brigadier General Dean Hopgood: We can't afford to have the Russian's leading the field in the paranormal.
Bob Wilton: [in a firefight] I could hear the little man inside me again. He was screaming like a little girl.
[last lines]

Bob Wilton: Now more than ever we need the Jedi.
Bob Wilton: As we ran for cover, I thought this was what I wanted. I was on a mission, even if I didn't know what kind of mission it was. But I could hear the little man inside me again. He was screaming like a little girl.
Lyn Cassady: I'm very sorry for running you over, sir.

Mahmud Daash: It was an accident.

Lyn Cassady: And I apologize for that security detachment. I don't want you to think that all Americans are like that.

Mahmud Daash: I apologize for the kidnappers.

Lyn Cassady: Not your fault, sir. I mean, we've kidnappers in America and... There's always... bad apples.
Bob Wilton: We've been sitting here for half an hour. How's that "instant?"
Bob Wilton: Would you stop saying that? I've been... I've been blown up! I'm in the middle of a desert! I'm not gonna be okay.

Lyn Cassady: Bob, you're in shock. If you panic, your heart's gonna stop.

Bob Wilton: Is that supposed to calm me down?
Bill Django: Mother Earth, you're my life support system. As a soldier I must drink your blue water, live inside your red clay and eat your green skin. Help me to balance myself. As you hold in balance, the Earth, the sea, and the space environments. Help me to open my heart, knowing that the Universe will feed me. I pray my boots will always kiss your face, and my footsteps match your heartbeat. Carry my body through space and time. You're my connection to the Universe and all that comes after. I'm yours and you are mine. I salute you.
Bill Django: [Having just meditatively fallen off a container] I just saw Timothy Leary!

Bob Wilton: Timothy Leary's dead...
Lyn Cassady: Once you understand the linkage between observation and reality then you begin to dance with invisibility.

Bob Wilton: Like camouflage.

Lyn Cassady: No, it's not like camouflage.
Bob Wilton: It's the Silence of the Goats!
Larry Hooper: Oh, here's an Iraqi Psyops leaflet they dropped on us.

Bob Wilton: - American soldier... your wives are back at home... having sex with Bart Simpson and Bert Reynolds.
Lyn Cassady: There's a story that Wong Wifu, the great Chinese martial artist... had a fight with a guy and beat him. Then the guy gave him this light tap. Wong looked at him and the guy just nodded. That was it. He had given him the death touch. Wong died.

Bob Wilton: Then and there?

Lyn Cassady: No. About eighteen years later. That's the thing about Dim Mak... you never know when it's gonna take effect.
Bob Wilton: Bill? Lyn told me he didn't deserve this eagle feather. He wanted me to give it back to you.

Bill Django: It's fake.

Bob Wilton: What?

Bill Django: This one's off a turkey.
Lyn Cassady: While recovering in the hospital, Bill wrote to the Vice Chief of Staff for the Army, explaining that he wanted to go on a fact-finding mission... to explore alternative combat tactics. The Pentagon agreed to pay his salary and expenses. What Bill hadn't told the Pentagon was that he was really looking for the answer to his vision. How could his men's gentleness, their general lack of interest in killing people, be turned into a strength? How could love and peace help win wars? Bill knew where to go to find out. Bill disappeared into the New Age Movement for six years.

Lyn Cassady: [Continues talking while various images of Bill's experiences with New Age Movement are shown] Like all Shaman before him, he had traversed the wilderness. Now he was returning to his people, a changed man. He brought with him his confidential report, which he called: "The New Earth Army manual." The New Earth Army is a banner under which the forces of good can gather. The courage and nobility of the Warrior, blended with the spirituality of the Monk. The Jedi Warrior will follow in the footsteps of the great imagineers of the past: Jesus Christ, Lao Tse Tung, Walt Disney. The role of The New Earth Army is to resolve conflict world-wide. Jedis will parachute into war zones, utilizing sparkly eyes technique, carrying symbolic flowers and animals, playing indigenous music and words of peace...

Bob Wilton: What's... What's the sparkly eyes technique?
Bill Django: The hooker thing is totally not true.
Lyn Cassady: I can't dance, sir.

Bill Django: Now that's not true, is it? What happened was someone told you you can't dance. Well, I'm your commanding officer, and I'm ordering you to dance!
Bill Django: In the name of the new world army and loving people everywhere... I'm liberating you.
Remote Viewer: Ask Angela Lansbury!

Bill Django: Okay.
Bob Wilton: What's that?

Bill Django: [peering in a container where a prisoner is bombarded with childish music] The Dark Side.
Bob Wilton: Do you know about the curse?
Bob Wilton: What's a... what's a Jedi Warrior?

Lyn Cassady: You're looking at one.
Bob Wilton: I did what so many men have done throughout history when a women has broken their heart. I went to war.
Lyn Cassady: The U.S Army doesn't really have any serious alternative than to be wonderful! This does not represent the official position of the United States Army at this time. Bill Django.

Bob Wilton: Who's Bill Django?

Lyn Cassady: The man who wrote that book.
Larry Hooper: Lt. Colonel Django used funds from the project's black budget to procure prostitutes.

Bill Django: That's a lie!

Larry Hooper: And, to get drugs for himself and his men.

Bill Django: That... well, the hooker thing is definitely a lie.
Bill Django: [holding daisies while lecturing a room full of Army officers] We are a hollow army, gentlemen. Vietnam has crushed our soul. We have to dream a new America. An America that no longer has an exploitative view of natural resources. No longer promotes consumption at all costs.

Bill Django: But to achieve this dream, we must become the first Superpower to develop super powers. We must create Warrior Monks. Men and women who can fall in love with everyone. Sense plant auras. Pass through walls. Stop saying mindless clichés and see into the future. I want you to join me in this vision. Be all you can be.
Lyn Cassady: [plotting their escape] You relax your body and your voice. And you just rip out one of his eyes. Or you get a pen and you stab him in the neck, you create this... a fountain of blood, I mean a real fountain, get it squirting all over his buddies. That is a psychic disincentive, right there.

Bob Wilton: We haven't got a pen.
Bob Wilton: And if I ever needed proof of how the dark side had taken the beautiful dream of what a nation could be and had twisted it, destroyed it -- well, that was it.

The Men Who Stare at Goats Quotes

Extended Reading

The Men Who Stare at Goats short comments

Tiffany 2021-11-28 08:01:20

I can't understand. . .
Kaylee 2022-03-25 09:01:08

Huge dick Well, the book is super good and sincere black humor, long live the hippies!