The Star Quotes

Thaddeus: Hold it right there, camels!

[the camels act scared]

Rufus: I bet they can play that game we made up.

Thaddeus: That was fun. What was it called again?

Rufus: How high?

[they snicker]

Thaddeus: On three. One... two... three!

[They bark at the camels. Cryus hops onto Deborah's back. Felix hops onto Cyrus. Deborah loses balance and falls over. The dogs laugh]

Thaddeus: How high?

Rufus: Camel high!

Felix: I knew it. It's a birthday party for the new king.

Cyrus: No, no. I'm pretty certain it's a baby shower.

Deborah: Or maybe they're referring to the coming Messiah. The Son of God.

Cyrus: Okay, now, I'm starting to worry about her.

Felix: Deborah, are you okay? How many hooves am I holding up?

[Deborah sighs and rolls her eyes]

Felix: What are they saying?

Cyrus: Shh. I can't make it out, but it's something about the King of the... Shoes?

Felix: King of the Shoes? That's what this is about?

Deborah: Uh-uh. That can't be right.

Felix: Wow! Look! That's gold slippers! King of the Shoes, no doubt!

Cyrus: That, Felix, is money and no taste.

Deborah: Can we move past the shoes?

Felix: Look at that guy! You see him?

Cyrus: Oh, he's just a royal dog-walker. Trust me. Felix, I know these things.

Felix: What? Dog-walker? He's like a nightmare wearing a helmet!

Herod: We must find this king at once. I will send my scribes to the task. In the meantime, I invite you to stay in the palace as my royal guests.

Balthazar: No, no. That's not necessary, Sire.

Herod: Oh, but I insist.

Cyrus: Okay, that was sinister!

Felix: We're leaving! We are not going to do any slumber parties with any evil shoe king! No thank you.

[They get caught by the guards]

Deborah: Too late.

Rufus: Thaddeus, are we good dogs now?

Thaddeus: We have to try.

Balthazar: For Jesus, Gold.

Melchior: Myrrh.

Caspar: Do you like Frankincense? I never know what to get.

Bo: Guys, I carried a king on my back!

Dave: We're never going to hear the end of this, are we?

Ruth: And I hope we never do.

Deborah: You know? I think people are going to remember this night. What happened around this manger will be celebrated for thousands of years. Families will come together and exchange presents and sing carols all to remember the grace of this moment that we are witnessing right now.

[Felix and Cyrus break into laughter]

Cyrus: Okay, Deborah.

Felix: She's back to talking crazy again!

Deborah: Uh-huh.

Bo: Do you see anything?

Ruth: Uh... What are we looking for?

Bo: Ruth, you stay here and guard Mary. If anything happens, warn us.

Ruth: Yeah. We should have a secret signal!

Bo: Sounds great!

Dave: Looks like it's up to me!

[flies up to the killer]

Dave: Nope! Too big! Too big!

[flies behind Ruth]

Dave: Ruth, looks like it's up to you!

Ruth: To me? I knew this day would come!

[charges]

Ruth: For the flock!

[the killer kicks her away]

Bo: I can't let them down. I can try praying. Now, how did Mary do this?

[tries to clasp his hooves into praying position]

Bo: Never mind. It's fine.

[speaks to the star]

Bo: God? Hello? Um... I don't really know how this works, or if you listen to prayers from donkeys, but I've seen Mary do this many times, and I don't know what else to do. My friends need help. I thought if I followed the star, it would lead me to where I'm supposed to be, but I failed them. What do you want me to do?

Bo: Mary's having a baby!

Leah: A baby? I love babies!

Zach: Bring him back here! There's plenty of room in the stable!

Edith: Great. Now, we'll never sleep.

Bo: Mary, you are in real danger! You need to hear what I am going to say extremely carefully!

[It comes out to Mary and Joseph as just donkey sounds]

Mary: Ever feel like he's trying to talk to us?

Joseph: Why is he here? Where did he come from?

Bo: She's not getting it. Okay, new plan. Can you two act like dogs?

Dave: What do you think?

Ruth: Uh, yes. I do a great dog. Dogs are my fourth best animal.

Bo: Great. Just follow my lead.

[imitates Mary]

Bo: Look at me. I'm Mary. I'm so pregnant.

[imitates Joseph]

Bo: I'm Joseph. I'm in a bad mood. Dur dur dur dur dur...

Joseph: Wait a minute. Is that supposed to be me?

Mary: [chuckles] It's totally you.

Bo: [imitating Mary] Oh no! Here come the dogs!

[to Ruth]

Bo: That's you guys.

Ruth: Oh! Oh! Uh...

[pants]

Ruth: Woof! Woof woof woof! Throw me a stick, and I'll bring it right back! Ooh, what's this? It's a tail?

[chases her tail]

Dave: Seriously? We're doing this instead of the royal caravan?

Bo: No, Ruth, you're a scary dog. Just be meaner.

Ruth: Oh, meaner? You mean like...

[makes an ugly face]

Ruth: ... THIS?

Bo: Yah!

[Ruth pounces on Bo]

Bo: Oh no! He got me! If only a certain donkey had warned me.

[Mary and Joseph are still not getting it]

Joseph: There's something seriously wrong with those animals.

Mary: I think Bo's trying to tell us something.

Bo: Come on... come on...

Mary: I think he wants... a belly rub!

Bo: What? No! I mean, yes, always, but not now!

Ruth: Those guys? Oh, yeah. They've been following us since we came down the cliff.

Dave: Couldn't you have pointed that out sooner?

Cyrus: I expected a left turn two deserts ago.

Deborah: I can't believe we passed that last oasis. I'm getting thirsty.

Felix: These wise guys are lost!

Deborah: Wise men don't get lost, Felix.

Felix: So you're saying they know where this birthday party is?

Cyrus: And what makes you so certain it's a birthday party?

Deborah: Oh, here we go.

Felix: Have you seen the presents these guys are bringing? Gold? Myrrh? Frankincense?

Cyrus: Could be a baby shower. You bring presents to a baby shower.

Felix: Baby shower? What's a baby going to do with frankincense, silly camel? It's a birthday party!

Angel: Fear not, for you have been favored by God to conceive and bear a son.

Mary: A... a son? But how?

Angel: The Holy Spirit will overshadow you, and the child will be called the Son of God, for nothing is impossible with God.

Mary: Thank you. Do I say thank you? I mean, yes. Let it be done just as you say.

Ruth: Hey, everybody! What's up? It's me, Ruth!

[Ruth's flock steps away from her]

Ruth: Okay, I know you guys think it was crazy for me to leave and follow the star, but you wouldn't believe all the adventures I've had out there, and the biggest one of all is happening tonight. I made new friends, and they need my help, so this time, you gotta follow me.

[the flock ignores her]

Ruth: Guys?

[they still ignore her]

Ruth: [shouts] This is important!

[She stamps her hoof down, and lightning strikes in sync with it. This catches the flock's attention. Ruth looks at her hoof as if to say, "Did I do that?" Then a light beams down from the sky]

Ruth: Whoa.

[the Angel appears before the flock and the shepherds]

Angel: Fear not. I bring good tidings of great joy, for unto you is born this day a savior... Christ, the Lord.

Ruth: Told ya it was important.

Bo: They left the gate open! I'll make a run for it. Dave, you jump out and create a distraction.

Dave: What? No! Terrible plan! Why don't you create a distraction and I run for it?

Bo: Because I'm the one that's trapped in here, and you can fly, as you keep telling me!

Dave: All valid points.

Dave: Guys, donkeys are stubborn.

Bo: Yeah.

Dave: He's not gonna tell you anything.

Bo: Sorry, guys.

Dave: You're gonna have to torture it out of him.

Bo: Wait, what?

Bo: The miller's on my tail!

Dave: Yeah, and he does not look happy.

Miller: I am not happy!

Old Donkey: There's nothing out there for ya, kid.

Bo: Things are changing, and I'm not gonna be in here forever. That star means something.

Bo: See? I knew that would work.

Dave: Just like we planned... with a momentary near-death income.

Old Donkey: Any new escape plans, kid?

Bo: What's the point? Always gonna be stuck on the same old wheel with the same old view.

Zach: Be gone! Away with you!

Bo: God?

Zach: Now it's talking back! There's nothing to fear, Zach. It's all a figment of your imagination. Just a realistic vision of a donkey talking to God that won't stop eyeballing you!

Edith: What's your name, sweetie?

Bo: Bo?

Leah: Bo is a funny word! Bo bo bo... bo-bo-bo-bo-bo bo bo...

Zach: What? That's his name? And you're singing him a song?

Bo: I'm doomed.

Edith: They're not usually like this. You caught us at a bad time.

Leah: We haven't slept in nine months!

Bo: Nine months?

Zach: Not a wink!

Bo: Oh, so that explains your eyes.

Zach: What? What's wrong with my eyes?

Bo: Nothing.

Edith: Yep. No sleep at all since that giant nightlight turned on.

Bo: Light?

Zach: All you can do is lie awake and listen to the crickets.

Edith: Ta-da!

[They show Bo the manger that the star's light is shining down on. A heavenly choir is heard which fades into Leah's obnoxious singing]

Leah: Sorry. Too excited. Zach and Edith don't like the spotlight, but I think it's beautiful.

Bo: It's here! I can't believe this!

Edith: Me neither.

Bo: You don't understand. That light! That's the star! This is where it's been leading me! But... Mary... Joseph! Guys, I gotta get out of here! Can you help me?

Zach: I gotcha! I'm gonna chew him free!

[he starts gnawing on the wood that Bo's rope is tied to]

Zach: Woody!

Bo: No! Try biting the...

Leah: I know! I'll sing you free!

[sings a loud and lengthy melody]

Bo: That was beautiful... but not helpful.

Zach: I think I got a splinter in my tongue.

[Leah continues to sing obnoxiously as Zach flails around]

Edith: Step aside.

[bites off the rope freeing Bo]

Bo: Yes, yes! That's perfect! Now, I just gotta get past that gate!

[charges at the gate and slams head first into it]

Edith: Has that ever worked for you?

Bo: No, actually.

Bo: You guys are pretty scary, and you might be stronger than I am, but if you want to get to my friends, you'll have to get passed me first.

Rufus: No problem, donkey! Getting passed you is my middle name!

[Rufus charges towards Bo about to attack him]

Bo: [gasps] What is that?

Rufus: [stops and turns to where Bo is looking] What's what? I wasn't supposed to look, was I?

Bo: Donkey kick!

[bucks Rufus with his hind legs]

Rufus: We're bad dogs.

Bo: You don't have to be. You're free now.

Cyrus: The king is set apart from the Philippians with an auto-mental headdress.

Felix: Audible what?

Deborah: They wear hats.

Bo: Hey, pal! What's new out there today?

Dave: Oh, you know. Not a whole lot. It's Nazareth. That rooster over on Fifth Street overslept again, and that horse, um... what is his name? Jeremiah? Hessikiah? There's an iah in there. He lost a shoe. And, well, it's barely worth mentioning, but the royal caravan is rolling through town today.

Bo: What? The royal caravan? Are you kidding?

Dave: No, buddy! For real! I spotted them outside of town and had to come here to tell you!

Bo: Today is the day we've been waiting for!

Dave: Nazareth can kiss my gleaming white tail feathers goodbye!

Joseph: You look so beautiful.

Mary: So do you... Well, handsome.

Bo: There's gotta be a better hiding place.

[hides behind a basket]

Bo: Okay, not there.

[hides behind a clay pot]

Bo: Not there either.

[hides behind a chalice]

Bo: Why can't I be smaller? The one time I wish I was smaller.

Bo: Once my leg is healed, it's time for Operation: Kick Me Out.

Dave: Good. Now, I'm an expert at this type of thing, so listen up. Things I found that tend to tick people off: Jumping out and scaring them. Singing really loudly early in the morning. Staring at them while they eat. At the risk of stating the obvious, a well-placed number two. Breaking things. Setting things on fire. Licking things that don't want to be licked.

Deborah: What if it's not a party at all? What if we're doing something important like meeting the Son of God?

Felix: [as he and Cyrus glare at Deborah] Uh-oh. Deborah is crazier than a box of rocks.

Cyrus: I believe the expression is dumb as a box of rocks.

Felix: You ever shake a box of rocks? They sound crazy!

Bo: Nope! That's it! No more of your terrible shortcuts! We are... Huh?

[sees Mary and Joseph]

Bo: Hey, look! It's Mary! That's them!

Dave: Guess we'll have to take my terrible shortcut. You're welcome.

Ruth: Have you ever been to Bethlehem before?

Bo: We've never been anywhere before.

Ruth: Well, you're in for a treat. The Samaritan Mountains are beautiful this time of year. Deadly steep, but great views.

Bo: You've been to Bethlehem?

Ruth: Are you kidding? I grew up around there! I know all the ins and outs, how to avoid predators and treacherous high cliffs.

Dave: The treacherous cliffs!

[laughs]

Dave: You're not seriously considering this, are you?

Bo: Come on, Ruth. Lead the way.

Ruth: Sheep are usually better at following, but I will do my best. Let's go, flock.

Cyrus: You know? I think he might be up to something.

Deborah: He's using the wise men to track down the new king.

Felix: [shouts] Yeah! Plus, did you see him crumple that flower?

Cyrus, Deborah: Shoosh!

Cyrus: We have to warn the new king.

Deborah: Pack your bags, boys. Looks like we're going to Bethlehem.

Ruth: And now, our tour will continue past these pebbles on the path. Watch your step, watch your step, and watch your step.

Dave: [to Bo] I blame you for this.

Thaddeus: I hate that dancing bird.

Rufus: I know. He's so talented!

Rufus: [as the hunter lifts his sword at them] We're gonna die! We're gonna die!

[the hunter frees the dogs]

Rufus: We're gonna live! We're gonna live!

Thaddeus: Someone's going to die!

Dave: Ruth, I know we had our personal issues, but we have got to set them aside and find Bo!

Ruth: We have personal issues? Dave, you are a delight!

Dave: I am a delight. Thank you for noticing.

Felix: So this is Bethle-ham?

Cyrus: It is pronounced Bethle-hem.

Felix: That's what I said: Bethleham.

Cyrus: Hem. Ahem, like you're clearing your throat.

Felix: That's what I've been saying. You need to get your ears checked.

Bo: Dave? Dave?

Dave: I'm under you and in a lot of pain!

Bo: [gets up] Dave? Where are you?

Dave: I'm right here, on your butt!

Dave: What are we doing? We're not going to stop those giant scary dogs with a fluffy sheep and a tiny donkey. Even with a very masculine and brave dove. We need backup. Where do you find a dog-eating hippopotamus in Bethlehem?

[He bumps in to Cyrus, Deborah and Felix, who at the moment are all tangled up, and from Dave's perspective, they look like all three of their heads are on the same body]

Dave: A three-headed camel? Nice!

Ruth: Bo, where are you going?

Bo: We've got a baby to meet! Come on!

Felix: After all that, it is a baby shower! You were right the whole time!

Cyrus: You had it right as well. It is a birthday party. Literally, it's the day of his birth.

Deborah: Uh-huh. I'm gonna let them have this one.

Deborah: Where do we find a king in Bethlehem?

Cyrus: Well, if memory serves, a king is set apart from the Philippians with an oriental headdress.

Felix: Audible what?

Deborah: They wear hats!

[Someone wearing a hat walks by]

Felix: [shouts] They're coming for you, your majesty! Run for your life!

[Felix's words come off as camel sounds bellowing out to the man who runs off to uncanny valley as a result]

Felix: Run like the wind!

Deborah: Will you cut that out? We'll never find him tied up here. We have to go out and search.

Felix: That's it! I'm biting through the reins!

Cyrus: Don't you dare! That is fine Corinthian leather! Do you have any idea how much that cost?

Felix: Are you kidding me?

Deborah: No. He's right.