Thinking of my father a lot.
I don't know if it's a memory problem. I don't always remember things in the past, so I'm always a person who lives in the present and the future. Even the things about his father were thin. The earliest memorable thing was to go to sell furniture with my father. At that time, I should have been six or seven years old, because I moved from the countryside to the county town with my father after I was 8 years old, and this time it was still in the countryside. My father sold some furniture at that time. I went to the town temple fair with my father to sell furniture, but it rained that day. I remember that I was sitting on the sofa, and my father covered me and the sofa with a film. He didn't know what to do. After the rain stopped, I sat on the sofa, and my father pulled the sofa back with the car. This is the vague memory of that time.
I went to elementary school when I was 8 years old. In the second grade of elementary school, I moved to the county town with my father. half a year off. At that time, my father was still making furniture, and I helped him, so I could already do a lot of things. At that time, my dream was to make furniture like my father when I grew up. I remember very clearly that after my father finished work in the middle of the night, he took me to the street to find something to eat. My father was very happy, and so was I. As far as I can remember, this was the happiest time I had with my father.
Half a year later, I finally went to a school in the county seat. Although I could study in the countryside and even served as a monitor, the education in the countryside must be different from that in the county seat. I dropped out of school for another half a year, so I couldn’t keep up with my studies as soon as I entered the school. , turn for poor students. This difference is 8 years. From the second grade of primary school to the second grade of junior high school, I was expelled twice and repeated for two years. During this period of time, I have two things that I remember deeply. One is probably when I was in fifth grade. I lived alone in a small room that had been tidied up for clutter, and that night I was looking at the wall. Posting awards - although I can't study, but I'm good at sports, the small room has been posted for a whole week and it hasn't been posted yet. At this time Dad came in. Of course I was proud to show him my certificate, but Dad said, "Why don't you get a certificate in your studies? What's the use of it?" After he went out, I revealed all the certificates. A fire came down. Almost everyone who sees me now asks, "Why don't you play basketball?" I have to find a reason to explain it. No wonder they asked, I am 1.83 meters tall and have a decent body, but I don't participate in any sports activities. Maybe I stopped all physical activity from that night. Of course, he has never won any sports awards. Another thing, I loved playing chess, almost to the point of madness. I asked someone to help me make a very delicate chess box, which can be filled with chess pieces and opened to make a chess board. Once a friend and I had just opened the chessboard at the door, my father came over and picked up the chessboard and smashed it on the ground. I still clearly remember the anger in my heart as I watched the back of him leave.
Probably also at this time, there is one more thing that I will never forget. That time my father drank again and called me and my younger brother and sister together and stood side by side, he started a political class and ended with a criminal training, and his prop was a belt. The reason why I remember it so clearly is not because my father beat me - of course he beat me, but I can say that he was beaten less, what I can't forget is that he used a belt to beat my sister, my sister was stubborn, and my father No matter how you hit her, she didn't say a word. I can't help crying every time I think about this now, maybe from a psychological point of view, it's because I can't protect my sister.
Since then, he has been in conflict with his father. In the third year of junior high school, I scored 200 points, which is more than 100 points away from the score line of the college entrance examination. I repeated the study for another year, but I still missed the exam by more than ten points. My father paid a high price for me to enter high school. Even so, my future is hopeless, so I have to thank my father, because when I was in elementary school, he was afraid that I would run around and play during the summer vacation, so he let me go to the art class run by the teacher of the county normal teacher to learn painting. So when I was in the third year of high school, I found that I could apply for the art major. At that time, a teacher at the normal school told me that although I could draw, I would have to study outside to get into university. So I asked my father to let me go to school. I don't know why my father was against me, maybe it was his stubborn temper, maybe he didn't know anything about painting. In order to get him to agree, I chose to run away from home and stayed with a friend for a week, eating only biscuits every day. Father finally agreed. I didn't do well in the first year and passed the college line, but I was not satisfied and had to go to college. But at this time, my family was getting worse, and my parents didn't agree. They thought it was enough to go to college. But in the end, I didn't take the cultural class exam at all. I went to the road construction site to work for a month and earned 324 yuan to pay for the tuition, which finally moved my father.
In the second year, I was admitted to a good design school in the province (this is not what I want, what I want is the best design school in the country, but at this time, the family situation was really embarrassing, and finally gave up the idea of repeating the study). When I entered college, my family’s situation got worse. I remember going home on the National Day of my freshman year and took a list of where I needed to use the money and the money I needed to use. When I went back, I was surprised. The small restaurant at home had just been sold, and my father went out to sell vegetables. The parents moved into the small room where the briquettes were kept. After staying at home for one night, my mother told me to make dumplings for me to eat, but I just said no, and I took the money borrowed by my parents and left early the next morning. I regret it very much now, I was too young and ignorant at that time.
When I was in my sophomore year, I suggested my father to sell the commercial house at home, otherwise I would not be able to go to school. He sold it. I finished college. Then go to another university to teach. But two years later, I didn’t tell anyone to jump out of school and pursue my dream. Five years later, I broke up with my girlfriend. Thousands of dollars saved.
In the past two years, my father was in a very bad mood. According to my mother, he was a little mentally ill. I clearly remember that when I was at home last year, my father scolded me after drinking and scolded my mother, but he actually scolded me. I was in the other room under the quilt and weeping through my teeth. My mother told me more than once how happy my father was when I entered the university to teach, and everyone praised me without saying anything. I know that would make him very happy, but when watching "Out of Me" today, when I saw Billy's father, when he learned that Billy was accepted to the Royal Ballet Academy, excitedly rushed to the boxing room and shouted "He did it!", I finally burst into tears, and it was at this time that I truly realized how excited and proud my father was when he told others about me.
When I went back this year during the Spring Festival, there was no obvious conflict with my dad, but I could clearly feel his inner depression. I have very little talk with him. Although I had thought about sitting down with him for a drink and chatting, I couldn't. After I left, I often called him, and he was much calmer on the phone. Over the years, it seems that at this time, suddenly there are endless things to say. He said that he would not worry about his younger brother anymore, and that the small restaurant would be left alone. He found an orchard where vegetables could be grown, which was not bad. I lost the distance with him all of a sudden, but this kind of closeness made me terrified. Could it be that I am really old and he is really old?
But when I persuaded my father to sell the house, I said that I would buy that house back in the future, but this wish has not come true yet.
I will fight again. I just want to see the smile on a father's face one day like Billy's father when he sees his son in the Theatre Royal.
I will fight again, for my father.
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