Still Alice

Frieda 2022-04-19 09:01:51

Grandpa suffered from Parkinson's disease for several years. I always thought that it was not painful. I always thought that what really dragged him down was the stomach cancer that was full of pain. After the stomach was removed, he lost weight. The neurological disease really enters the late stage, and it afflicts the whole family. Parkinson's is even worse, because the patient's brain is still awake, and the world is clearly there. It's a bit like the current Hawking, although he has the universe in his brain, he still can't reach out and touch it.
When the mental and physical torture began, death could be said to be his best choice.


There is also some relief. Alice's family has a high academic level. Both husband and wife teach in prestigious schools, but they are still powerless in the face of illness. This is what life is bound to face, so let's live your life well for now. Don't carry too much guilt and sense of mission. All of this you will endure and will not be able to bear.

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Extended Reading

Still Alice quotes

  • Dr. Alice Howland: Good morning. It's an honor to be here. The poet Elizabeth Bishoponce wrote: 'the Art of Losing isn't hard to master: so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster.' I'm not a poet, I am a person living with Early Onset Alzheimer's, and as that person I find myself learning the art of losing every day. Losing my bearings, losing objects, losing sleep, but mostly losing memories...

    [she knocks the pages from the podium]

    Dr. Alice Howland: I think I'll try to forget that just happened.

    [crowd laughs]

    Dr. Alice Howland: All my life I've accumulated memories - they've become, in a way, my most precious possessions. The night I met my husband, the first time I held my textbook in my hands. Having children, making friends, traveling the world. Everything I accumulated in life, everything I've worked so hard for - now all that is being ripped away. As you can imagine, or as you know, this is hell. But it gets worse. Who can take us seriously when we are so far from who we once were? Our strange behavior and fumbled sentences change other's perception of us and our perception of ourselves. We become ridiculous, incapable, comic. But this is not who we are, this is our disease. And like any disease it has a cause, it has a progression, and it could have a cure. My greatest wish is that my children, our children - the next generation - do not have to face what I am facing. But for the time being, I'm still alive. I know I'm alive. I have people I love dearly. I have things I want to do with my life. I rail against myself for not being able to remember things - but I still have moments in the day of pure happiness and joy. And please do not think that I am suffering. I am not suffering. I am struggling. Struggling to be part of things, to stay connected to whom I was once. So, 'live in the moment' I tell myself. It's really all I can do, live in the moment. And not beat myself up too much... and not beat myself up too much for mastering the art of losing. One thing I will try to hold onto though is the memory of speaking here today. It will go, I know it will. It may be gone by tomorrow. But it means so much to be talking here, today, like my old ambitious self who was so fascinated by communication. Thank you for this opportunity. It means the world to me. Thank you.

  • Dr. Alice Howland: I was looking for this last night.

    Dr. John Howland: [whispering to Anna] It was a month ago.

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