Be the son of man, be the father of man

Golda 2021-12-14 08:01:14

As a male, most people will play two roles in their lives, one is a son and the other is a father. The problems between the son and the father, and between the father and the son are also what we have to face. On the one hand, as a son, we must be constrained by the father in all aspects of her growth. On the other hand, as a father, we must be responsible for the growth of the son. In this way, a kind of contradiction arises. When self-growth encounters supervision and training, it is under the father-son system. What should we do? Maybe we can find some inspiration from the movie "My Father, My Son".
(Official Turkish poster)

"My Father, My Son" is about an anarchist journalist Sudik who left home because he was dissatisfied with his father Huseyin who arranged him to study agriculture. On the day of his wife's birth, due to a military coup, he was unable to send his wife to the hospital, which caused his wife to bleed and died, leaving behind his son Deniz. Sudik also went to jail, and his son Deniz was raised by others. Sudik took his son Deniz home after he was released from prison, and while reconciling with his family, Sudik died of pulmonary edema from prison. Only his son Deniz can live with his father Huseyin.
(Sudik takes his son Denizen on the way home)

What makes the movie really emotional is the strong family affection and the changes in the relationship between father and son, but unlike ordinary movies, "My Father, My Son" does not carry painful sensation, but really treats the children. The fetters with the father in the process of growing up and the relationship between father and son in the process of life are very clear and meaningful.
The main contradiction of the film is the conflict between Sudik and his father Huseyin. And the root of this conflict is what we face when we grow up, that is, the difference between the freedom of self-growth and the expectation of family members. The sad part of this difference is that neither party is at fault. Sudik hopes to liberate mankind by himself, let more people enjoy better treatment, and make the world fairer. Sudik's father hoped that he could study agriculture and manage his family's farm so that he could live a comfortable and happy life. This ideological difference determines the different choices in reality. It also makes Sudik and his father Huseyin turn against each other, and also causes Sudik to leave.
(Sudik's departure)

If judged only from right or wrong, Sudik abandoned the family because of his lofty ideals, stayed away from his girlfriend, and later failed to raise his son Deniz because of his imprisonment. But everyone can have the ideal to change the world, and Sudik is also full of real courage to work hard, no matter whether he succeeds or fails, but he definitely survived. Huseyin's strict discipline and interference with his son's future forced his son to leave home to find his future. But what's wrong with wanting my son to live a better life and live more peacefully? Therefore, in the father-son relationship, under the family system, it is not feasible to judge the right or wrong of a thing by virtue of right or wrong, because there is no right or wrong at all.
We all love our loved ones, so we use our own imagination to plan the future of others, even under the surface of a happy life. But the real happiness you think may be at the expense of his personal dreams. Even if we adapt to such calm days in the future, our unwillingness to the original dream will never disappear, and we don't know how much damage it will cause.
We also have our own lofty ideas to change the world and benefit all people. And these idealized struggles were accomplished under the premise of abandoning family members, staying away from family affection, and making them miss the pain. Most people seek comfort from family after they fail to pursue their ideals, but what can be used to comfort the pain in the past.
When personal values ​​are realized, they are questioned by family members. Fundamentally, parents use experience to tell us that the road is too hard and don’t make us too tired. Deeper is that after soaking in society for many years, parents have lost their ideals and the world. Trust, they no longer believe in those lofty goals, so they have a natural doubt about their children's choices. But the parents did not achieve those goals because of their own compromise, or the world is really too dark, perhaps parents will not tell us this answer.
But it is precisely because of the restraint of family affection that we can realize those help when pursuing something. It is precisely because of the fetters of family affection that we can practice our own standards on the premise of being responsible for the sake of others. Family affection is our first step, but it is also the first opportunity to give us ability.
Patriarchy is a process of confrontation in everyone's growth. Rebelling against patriarchy is, to a certain extent, opposing authority, opposing norms, and opposing a step-by-step life. But the father loves the child after all, so the confrontation of growth must end with the child's victory gesture, because he has no concern, because of his love for the child, so fatherhood is doomed to fail. This is also the cruelty of youth, our growth is always accompanied by the decline of family authority.
In the film, after the death of his son, when Huseyin was standing on the way to Sudik's departure, regretting not using a hug to keep him and crying, what he showed was not only the longing and pain for his son. There is also a sense of powerlessness in the decline of patriarchy and a sense of loneliness when the son grows up and walks his own way. So when he understands that his son will not turn his head back because of his hug, he already knows that the growth is happening because of the confrontation caused by family affection and the independence and strength after losing family affection.

Whether the contradiction between father and son can be reconciled, this is another solution given to us by the movie. When Sudik took his son Deniz home, although he came back as a successful person against patriarchy, at that time, he found that he had to seek the help of his father Huseyin because of his son Deniz. After the conversation that night, the son fainted and the father hurried to rescue him, the camera rotated 90°, which also meant a change in the attitude of the father and the son, and the reconciliation of the relationship between the father and the son. It was later proved that the father found his original girlfriend for the child and still kept the video of his childhood. This also proves that the confrontation between father and son ended in the child's victory, but the contradiction between father and son is not irreconcilable. Because of love, the father stood on the opposite side of his son and became the one who changed the course of his life. But also because of love, when we were fighting against patriarchy, we lost at the very beginning.
(The scenes in the movie after the father-son conversation are gradually reversed, heralding a change in the relationship between the father-son and the son)

What is the father's responsibility for his son, and what role does he play in the process of his son's growth? The film also gave us the answer through the journey of Sudik and his son Deniz.
Deniz is dependent on his father. When a child is young, the father is the child's entire support, and most of our cognition and standards at the beginning of life come from the father's teaching. At that time, the father was the son's superman, he took on all the unbearable ugliness for us in our growth process, so that we can grow up. But after the child slowly gains his own abilities, Sudik hopes to give his son Deniz a sense of stability and security, and a happy growth environment for him. It is taught to him that his father will eventually leave. You have to Carry something on your own, grow up alone, and grow by yourself. But father will always be your last support. Even when you grow up, you will gradually forget the appearance of your father.
(After Sudik's death, Deniz's film fragment that breaks through dreams and reality)

From another perspective, Sudik’s death and Huseyin’s care for Deniz after his death also symbolizes that in the process of growing up, after the father gave us enough support and guidance, he must learn to let go and treat the children in a certain period of time. Only caring and loving. Supporting his choice, helping his growth, and giving guidance at the right time is not an overkill, but strictly according to one's own wishes. After all, that is his life.

No matter what kind of fetters, no matter what setbacks. Behind the confrontation between father and son is the father’s love of "hating iron but not steel", which is a kind of tragic and vigorous for his life only for you. Because of the family relationship, we can see some warmth in the contradictions that cannot be reconciled in the father-son relationship. See the collision of two life values. I see the difference between being for oneself and for him. What I see is the son's love for the future Hongda and the father's selfish love for his son.
Sudik's mother in the movie is hearty and generous. She had always been worried about Sudik's departure, and was annoyed that she hadn't stopped him. Although she has been complaining about Huseyin, when Huseyin fell, her worried expression and actions were enough to prove that she loved Huseyin.

In the confrontation between father and son, the role of mother is perhaps the most uncomfortable, one is his own flesh and blood, and the other is the love of his life. It is precisely because of this mother's status that she becomes the best candidate to reconcile the relationship between father and son. And the father-son relationship has not collapsed for a long time. Among them, I don't know how many mothers have worked hard. Because the mother reconciles it, most of the father-son confrontation will be resolved peacefully. The father-son relationship has also become softened by the mother's reconciliation.
The true cruelty of growth may not only be the feeling of malice and frustration from different directions, so that we can see the face of the world. And the irreconcilable conflicts with family members are still more heartbreaking because of the affectionate package. And this kind of pain can also enable us to truly grow up, to truly go to society, and to our own future.
(After Sudik died, the family missed him by watching the video)

"My Father, My Son" was created in Turkey, where the film industry is underdeveloped. Use the care and warmth of family to make the shell, and use the environment of hometown to set off. So as to analyze the problem of father-son relationship. The emotional portrayal behind the movie is also the reason why the whole world can appreciate it. Because we are all sons and fathers. Some of us will bear the malice from this world for us, and give us care when we are frustrated, and we will all bear the unbearable ugliness, and will always prepare the shoulders of comfort for him.

View more about My Father and My Son reviews

Extended Reading

My Father and My Son quotes

  • Hüseyin: There are also things I couldn't tell you. I don't know how to speak... You are my son, you are a soul closer to me than my own flesh. That's all I'll say, you understand the rest...

  • Deniz: As people grow, do their dreams get smaller, dad?