Finally saw this episode of Fighting the Flies. it's true. At first, pure will guides you to do things, but then you realize that in order to achieve this ultimate goal of "condensing beauty and purity", you have done something that you hate or that others hate (contrary to the morality in the eyes of others) thing. You are miserable, anxious, and even remorseful, but you can only justify your actions by constantly reminding yourself that "the original intention was good". You try to get rid of that stain, but it's too deep, like the little red hand birthmark on Georgiana's cheek, to be wiped away. (The parable of the story in this episode is somewhat similar to Hawthorne's "Birthmark.") The boat is done, and after struggling, Lao Bai murmurs, "It's already polluted anyway." I don't think the perfect moment that Lao Bai has been looking for has existed, at least since he kept stacking lies, there was no perfect moment to speak of.
There can be many interpretations of the content (and interesting from the perspective of his relationship with Jesse), but everyone can look at the life of Lao Bai through this seemingly long and boring episode like a revolving light. To put it nicely, it is a desperate and brave lone ranger, and to say it badly is a righteous and self-deprecating bastard.
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