Do you remember the first time you faced the issue of sexual orientation?
Is it the same as Eddie, the protagonist of this movie, a high school student: when the boys were talking about girls, they were questioned by their peers, but they never had close contact with any girls, not even a kiss. Laughing is gay. Are you as flustered as Eddie, beaten to death without admitting that you are gay? In order to clear the suspicion, he even forced himself to kiss the girl, or some other proof. Have you managed to escape their suspicions?
Our poor Eddie wasn't so lucky. When kissing, he couldn't keep his mouth shut. So, the girl turned her back on the customer, and came to the eagle to take out the chick. It turned out that Eddie didn't have any physiological reaction. It turned out that everything was fake! ! !
Also at the center of the students' public opinion is the girl Amber. She rented out her caravan as an hourly room to her classmates, charging 10 pounds each time, and she has saved nearly 2,000 pounds! But everyone never saw her dating any boys, so everyone kept laughing at her as a lesbian.
Faced with the matter of liking the same sex, everyone's initial reaction is probably the same, and they will feel inexplicable panic. Because we don't know why we are different from others. And the information we are exposed to usually tells us that this is wrong.
01_Different attitudes of self-identification
Self-identity is a solid and coherent perception of who you are, where you are going, and where you are in society.
Regarding sexual orientation, although it is panic at the beginning, the next response attitude is the most important.
Some people, like Eddie, have their self-identity in a state of confusion . Eddie understands his sexuality, for example, he has been lusting after the male teacher in class; he draws various JJ shapes in his diary. But he just couldn't agree with his sexual orientation. He forced himself to do the opposite. For example, he obviously hated physical exercise, but he forced himself to apply for military training camps.
This sounds really contradictory! ! ! What the hell kind of logic is that? Where is the difficulty in identifying yourself?
In fact, when people encounter something they do not want to accept, generally speaking, such a thing is often a particularly painful thing, or something that cannot be solved by themselves, some people will have a psychological defense mechanism in their hearts: denial. deny the existence of this thing. Simply put: if I didn't admit it, this didn't happen.
Eddie is because he doesn't know how he should behave as a gay, and he doesn't know where his future is. He couldn't figure it out, so he simply refused to admit that he was gay.
Others will, like Amber, gradually achieve a self-identification of their sexual orientation .
Amber took the initiative to admit to Eddie that she was gay, and she had a clear plan for the future: she rented out an hourly room in order to save enough money to leave the town and go to London to be a dick.
Therefore, even in the face of everyone's ridicule, Amber's heart is firm, purposeful and independent.
02_The importance of self-identity
Self-identification of sexual orientation is so important, it determines whether we can live firmly as gays in this society, and whether we are mentally prepared for the difficulties we will face.
As the story progresses, in Eddie and Amber, we clearly see the enormous impact that different states of self-identity have on individual development.
In order to resist everyone's criticism, Eddie and Amber pretended to be boyfriend and girlfriend. This trick really worked, and the two quickly became a loving couple that everyone envied. But because their self-identification is different, so their attitude to life is also very different.
Because of this pretense, Eddie chose to continue to escape. He even asked Amber to be a real couple with him, as long as they didn't have sex. It's like he's hiding in a sanctuary, from his parents, from his friends, and he doesn't want to deal with his sexuality anymore.
And Amber has a positive and open attitude towards life because she has achieved a self-identification of her sexual orientation. She quickly got a girlfriend and successfully came out with her mother.
From this, we can also see that only when we gain self-identity can we establish intimacy with others , with our friends, family, and even love. On the contrary, people who cannot achieve self-identity, even deny themselves, how can it be possible to establish a commitment to trust and intimacy with others.
The peaceful days are still broken. Amber came out unintentionally, and everyone knew that Amber was Lara. Therefore, the relationship between Eddie and Amber can no longer be pretended.
For Amber, who is already self-identified, it's not a big blow. But Eddie's world fell apart because he had nowhere to hide, nowhere to run. So we see a shivering Eddie. When his outer sanctuary disappeared, he hid deep within himself, though it was dark and painful.
03_Take that step bravely
Unfortunately, self-identity is a hard bone, and everyone can only chew on this hard bone. And there are no shortcuts.
Although there are many factors that affect self-identity, most of these factors cannot be changed. For example, if both parents are open-minded people, it is of course much easier for their children to identify themselves. As another example, the place where you study/work is an LGBT-friendly environment, so self-identification will definitely be easier. In addition, the psychological defense mechanism and cognitive level mentioned above are related to the physical and mental development of each person from childhood to adulthood. If we only adopt the correct and reasonable psychological defense mechanism, then we can successfully self-identify.
However, these factors are basically fait accompli, and how many can we influence?
Therefore, self-identification is like the college entrance examination. For some people, it is a simple matter. But don't forget, there are still many people like Eddie in the world, and for them, this step is extremely difficult. But unfortunately, no one can help him take the test, everyone can only take the test by himself.
Although we can only chew on this hard bone by ourselves, when we can't chew it, when we are discouraged, if someone can encourage us and spur us by our side, it will really be of great help. .
Just like Eddie and Amber, the friend, the role model. Amber gave Eddie the £2,000 he had saved, and encouraged Eddie to leave the town and bravely find his true self. Because only self-identification can be happy.
In the end can Eddie achieve self-identity? The movie doesn't tell us.
At the end of the film, Eddie waits for the departing train with the £2,000 tin box Amber gave him. He at least bravely took the first step towards accepting himself.
04_Concluding remarks
Finally, I would like to write a few words to friends like Eddie who are in self-identity dilemma:
First, homosexuality is not a disease and does not require change and treatment. We are just different.
Second, others do not accept our differences because of their ignorance. We have to accept our differences so that we can find our way to survive, so that we can plan our future, so that we can be happy.
Third, self-identification, evasion and denial are useless, you can only rely on yourself.
Fourth, be sure to make a few more trusted mentors and friends. When you can't figure it out, be sure to ask them for help.
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