The story of the scalper party looting the iPhone

Braeden 2021-11-24 08:01:21

Note: All ages in this article minus 1000 are the ages in the movie.

In 2203 AD, Apple announced its withdrawal from the mobile phone industry after launching the last generation of iPhone 100s Plus.

In 2492 AD, there was only one iPhone left in the world. It is said that Wang Sicong’s descendants could not afford to sell 100 Wanda Plazas. In order to drive up prices, the non-governmental organization "Scalper Party" came into being, and Aguilar, a member of the Scalper Party, became the key to future generations knowing the whereabouts of the world's only remaining iPhone.

In 2986 AD, humans became violent. Experts claimed that this was related to genetics. In fact, it was simply because people had no mobile phones to play, so they had to kill people for pleasure.

And our story begins with Carl Lynch who was born in Mexico, a descendant of the scalper Aguilar. It is said that one of his brothers was trampled to death while robbing Nokia.

Carl's father was also tortured without a mobile phone and became extremely violent. One day Carl witnessed his father killing his mother and being arrested. Carl escaped and fled to the United States. But because Trump built a wall between the United States and Mexico, it took Carl 30 years to go to the United States, and he was sentenced to death for homicide when he arrived in the United States.

The Anti-Scalper Party National Fan Team (hereinafter referred to as the Anti-Yellow Team) created the illusion of Carl's death, actually intending to use him to find the whereabouts of the world's only remaining iPhone. Then Dr. Sophia from the anti-Yellow team took out a huge stick and inserted it into Carl's body from behind, causing Carl to scream in pain. Carl instantly possessed the soul of his ancestor Aguilar.

He saw what happened in 2492: Aguilar and his colleagues were captured by the villains Jiang Wen and Yi Xiaoxing for protecting the sultan prince who learned of the whereabouts of the iPhone.

Big BOSS Yi Xiaoxing

When the death penalty was about to be executed, they protected the body with magical powers, killed all quarters, and escaped, also played parkour, and cosplayed "Titanic" by the way.

"You jump, I jump!"

So Aguilar and another female hero who did not want to be named jumped down one after another, showing the "leap of faith."

Back in 3016, Carl’s leap of faith was praised again and again, and he decided to reward him for eating chicken. After all, this is the Year of the Rooster. But Carl insisted on eating steak because he is a descendant of the scalper party. Of course, it may also be because he is a cow.

At the same time, the captain of the anti-Yellow brigade took Carl to meet his father, and the two could not help but exchange greetings when they reunited after a long absence.

Carl's father: "You are your mother's son!" (This sentence is indeed a movie line, a bit esoteric, not easy to understand.)

Carl: "You are your mother's son!"

Carl father: "Don't be so arrogant. I dare to fuck your mother, do you dare?"

Carl: "Yes, you are great." So the father and son reconcile as before.

At this time, the audience who watched the movie had already gone halfway, and Fasha took off his clothes witlessly seeing the situation, as if saying: "Don't go, I'll take it off! Can I take it off!"

Several fans who had originally planned to leave the show returned to their seats, just as they spent 40 yuan watching a GV.

Time went back to 2492. Under the leadership of the sultan, Aguilar met the sultan. The Sultan took out the only iPhone left in the world and gave it to the big boss Yi Xiaoxing, begging him not to hurt his son.

The audience finally got a glimpse of the true content of the end-generation iPhone. This iPhone takes the borderless design to the extreme, because it is a ball in itself. It is said that when it was released that year, everyone no longer said "playing with mobile phones", but said: "You play a ball!"

Unexpectedly, the iPhone did not grow longer and longer after many years, but became rounder and rounder. And the whole body does not have a button, not even the power button and volume button, presumably it is to sell the power button and volume button separately. The most surprising thing about fruit powder is that it has only one color, which instantly cured my phobia of choice.

Fortune Inspector Yi Xiaoxing, who showed the iPhone to the audience

Aguilar fought with Yi Xiaoxing and Jiang Wen, who did not want to be named, and finally Aguilar hijacked Yi Xiaoxing and Jiang Wen hijacked the woman. The heroine committed suicide in order to protect the iPhone. Aguilar took the iPhone and escaped from the siege. Later, he gave it to Columbus and told him to be buried in a coffin after his death.

Back in 3016, the anti-Yellow squadron who learned of the whereabouts of the iPhone dug out the iPhone from Columbus’s coffin. However, it has almost become a fossil due to its age. Although it can be turned on, it has always been a green screen.

Because it’s too old, this iPhone turns on a green screen

Carl, who was under house arrest in the office of the Anti-Yellow Brigade, and the descendants of other scalpers jointly launched a counterattack. Carl and his companions successfully escaped and recovered the iPhone. Unfortunately, Carl's father died heroically. Unexpectedly, a thousand years ago, to get the iPhone was nothing more than selling the kidneys, but now it might be dead to get the iPhone. I have to say that this Apple is simply harder to grab than Xiaomi.

As for why the iPhone is so precious that people are fighting for it? Is there a nude photo of Yi Xiaoxing, a complete works by Mrs. Cang, or a full set of emoticons for Curator Jin who has been lost for many years? This question may be answered in the sequel. If the sequel cannot be released at the box office, it will become the eleventh largest unsolved mystery in the world.

But this story also tells us that if you have an idle iPhone, don’t sell it for money, and keep it private. Maybe a few decades later, it will be more valuable than the house on the second ring road in Beijing. In the future, women will no longer look at whether you have a house, but whether you have an iPhone.

The last question is, every time you switch to ancient times, there is always a big eagle flying by. Does the director want to express "my big eagle is already hungry and thirsty"?

View more about Assassin's Creed reviews

Extended Reading

Assassin's Creed quotes

  • [from trailer]

    Callum Lynch: What do you want from me?

    Sophia Rikkin: Your past.

  • [from trailer]

    Sophia Rikkin: You are about to enter the Animus.