[Written on 2019.6.1] I am Locke, Japanese, originally an ordinary employee of Xuyang Heavy Industry. After my boss used all the value, I seized the opportunity to escape and left the indifferent world that was too peaceful and boring , boarded the steel clipper of the Black Reef Chamber of Commerce. I'm still not sure whether that choice was correct or not. After all, I let the company that betrayed me and treated my life like a weed to announce my death... I can't know the reaction of my colleagues, family members, neighbors, and it's even difficult Make sure they will tell the truth about my "cause of death" and not make up false charges. My colleagues would probably be indifferent; my family would be relieved that I was gone; my neighbors would make up a false negative of everything they knew about me to educate their children. It's really infuriating, I should have been angry, but in the past few years of giving in, I have learned to swallow my words, and I also understand that no one will pay attention to my words. Can't let go. At least, I have moved away from the world where I have to bow my head and bow my waist to function, and I don't want to absorb other people's grievances as a job anymore. I will not give up my existing abilities. I will use this brain, which is good at discovering, analyzing, and solving, to do what I think is correct and interesting. [Entry time: June 14, 2019 12:55:15 Written and: 2019.6. 2] Levy, I have never been afraid of you, at most I was restrained by your gun, that's all. After witnessing and analyzing several of your battles with my own eyes, and after listening carefully to your frankness, I realized that your gun must go with the bullet, and that the one who decides to kill is not only your finger, but also There are muzzle directions. I know you are unstoppable, but your wrist strength, at least not as good as mine, is something I know very well. I can easily break your wrist before your gun is aimed at my head. So, now and far into the future, I will not be afraid of you. In fact, in this world, guns, knives and even a simple word, there are too many things in this world that can kill me, they are dangerous and drifting, but I just need to control the distance from them. As long as I'm far enough away from you, you can't hurt me. It's like closing your eyes and ears to escape a scary fairy tale. But, I can't, I can't stay away from you like this. What I want to stay away from is the gunfire, and I will bring my old way of life with me. I'm not sure if I can change you, no matter which aspect or point, I'm not the slightest sure. However, I still have to do. And the best way is to show my worldview, my way of life, and try my best to understand and accept your ideas in front of you. It's not feasible, but I think it's correct. Because of this, I am who I am, and my current value is reflected in you. Don't forget that it was you who pulled me into my new life. You brought me to see many facts that I could not know in that boring world, some real and still happening things, which affected me deeply. But you are not my guide, not my guide, you have not taught me anything, it is just that the difference between you and me is too conspicuous, it makes me remember deeply, and it is enough to be the measure of survival in this world , and consider other life-and-death foods. Levy, you are so vicious. In the beginning, I was not killed by you. It was purely a factor of luck that I did not believe. If I failed to express my attitude in time in those days, I would have been disposed of by you as garbage. . I sympathize with you, it's true, I feel sad from the bottom of my heart for your misfortune, and I know it can't be said, it can only be expressed in small gestures of kindness. I will help you. But there is one more thing that I hope you can recall. In the wreck of the bow, you took my life too easily, and you trampled my conscience so useless that I couldn't forgive you easily. It's just a trivial summary for you, but it's there forever and it's hard to kill. will disappear Lost? I think, probably... I think... In the future, it will be the reason why you kill me and I kill you, maybe. It's just that I won't say any of these... [Written on: 2019.6.2] This lovely silver-haired little girl has performed a song for me to cleanse my soul. Thanks to being in a sealed boat, I can enjoy myself, Sincerely express my joy in compliments. I really wanted to keep her around, or leave Black Reef to be with her, at least for those few hours. It doesn't matter what she did in the past, it happened before I met her. But I also understand that such children will meet countless in the future. I can't take care of them all, my ability is very limited. Because of my limited ability, I could only stand on the boat, watch her leave, see her smile and say goodbye to me, and then be shot. I believe that her last farewell and smile were just a gift to me, but I couldn't do anything. The murderer also has the right reasons why he must do it. I have always been able to use morality as a weapon, and I have always stood on the moral high wall and blamed others, but I can't say anything. There is nothing I can do about it, this label is her last photo of the blue sky, and it nailed my heart. Everyone, for all to see. Whether I see it or not, believe it or not, those disgusting things are happening all the time, in some street, in some corner, out of my reach and powerless to change. To stay away from it, the best and only way is to close your eyes and ears, there is no other way. If not, I will surely die on the road of stubborn pursuit. Once I meet again, I feel that I have the ability to change once, I can't convince myself to let go, I can only frown, and the appearance of being helpless is disgusting enough. I'm a really disgusting person, and I know that, so I try not to use "justice" or "kindness" in sentences containing such words to persuade others. I began to try my best to hide all my emotions, and I began to try my best to keep this unfamiliar and ordinary face, taking the popularity as my only feature on the surface, so as not to let my goodness or evil be revealed to more people. Try not to let more people remember me, in order not to let them laugh at my hypocrisy... Damn, damn... [Written in: 2019.6. 2] I quickly grew into a person of Taoism who did not read relatives and friends. "As if he never came here." "No, let him go." The world isn't going to be a better place with a flood of empathy. No one can survive on this. In the past, I have always agreed with "the people who are close to ink are black, and those who are close to vermilion are red", thinking that this is an inevitable communication. When I got here, I started to become cold-blooded, not because of how bad the people around me were, and I wasn't the kind of softie who was easily manipulated. Only here and here can I learn how powerless sympathy and kindness are. In the redemption that disappoints myself again and again, I realize that whether I save or help others, it is just to satisfy myself. This idea came out of my mouth at a time of life and death. I was surprised that I would say this to save myself, and what made me shudder even more is that this seems to be the most reasonable explanation, and it is accurate. All my good deeds are just out of selfishness, and it is false to say more. In order to declare that I am different from theirs, I stand proudly under the setting sun, unwilling to admit that the day will pass, nor to welcome the coming of the night.
[Written on: 2019.6.2] I quickly grew into a Taoist person who does not read relatives and friends. "As if he never came here." "No, let him go." The world isn't going to be a better place with a flood of empathy. No one can survive on this. In the past, I have always agreed with "the people who are close to ink are black, and those who are close to vermilion are red", thinking that this is an inevitable communication. When I got here, I started to become cold-blooded, not because of how bad the people around me were, and I wasn't the kind of softie who was easily manipulated. Only here and here can I learn how powerless sympathy and kindness are. In the redemption that disappoints myself again and again, I realize that whether I save or help others, it is just to satisfy myself. This idea came out of my mouth at a time of life and death. I was surprised that I would say this to save myself, and what made me shudder even more is that this seems to be the most reasonable explanation, and it is accurate. All my good deeds are just out of selfishness, and it is false to say more. In order to declare that I am different from theirs, I stand proudly under the setting sun, unwilling to admit that the day will pass away, and I dare not welcome the coming of the night. 【Written in: 2019.6. 4] Robert, this kind-looking woman always reminds me of T-800, which I shouldn't have remembered, as if it were synonymous. But I would be afraid of T-800, I wasn't afraid of her when I first met her, and I wanted to wish them a safe journey when they were leaving. The T-800 is a terrible killing machine. Although she is also very powerful, I don't think it will be too bad for a maid who can make a teenage child obedient. Only after I learned Robert's true identity did I realize how much life I would have had in the yellow flag. GOD must have forgotten me, I didn't die under Levy's gun, and I wasn't blasted away by Robert. There are too many things and people in this world that I have not thought about and cannot understand. I just can't accept that a woman can kill with willful and precise precision, that has to go through a lot, a lot of "practice", and it has to be accompanied by a lot of blood. How could GOD have the heart to let a beautiful woman do such a hateful thing? Yes, I inadvertently copied some of my feelings for Levy to her. Fortunately, Robert's world is far away from me, and I can get away from it before I get involved with her, and go back to that little room full of sunshine that exudes slack, without having to put more The disasters and tragedies are stuffed into the mind and cannot be taken out. As for the story after the Destroyer Maid and the Petite Boy, I don't want to know more at all, as long as I know that they have returned home safe and sound. The rest have nothing to do with me. No more... I've done my best to use my precious freedom to help them. [Entry time: 20:48 on June 14, 2019: 41] Baleraka Zhang Dasheng I hate these two more than murderers, rapists, and drug dealers. They are in the world I just allowed to exist, and I just found a way to continue living in this world without changing the existence of "I", but I was immediately asked by them far above the sky... to kill "I" myself . These two giants are my real threats, but ah, in order not to change "I", I can be enemies with them, but I am not even an ant in their eyes. It doesn't matter how you fought for justice, even if one day you get tired and give up, you are still worthy of respect, and I have always admired your heroism as I learned about your past. But please, don't betray your justice! It is not my justice, nor the justice of the news reports, nor the justice in the eyes of the masses, but the justice you once believed in! It doesn't matter how you trample on my justice, but don't premise on trampling yours! This way...it's so despicable! It sounded self-righteous to me, like the slander of a scumbag who has no power, like a frantic monkey being played in the palm of a circus. But that's who I am, and I'm selfish, and outrageously selfish to be hated. It will be regarded as a laughing stock because I know that until I speak out, I have not enough power to change this reality. I don't have the power to distort other people's wishes, I do, but isn't that understandable? I wasn't going that way, and I don't need to. I should hide in a small room of my own, with information nailed to the walls, and sit on my humble bench thinking silently. Analyzing, exploiting the will of others, using subtle words, hints to change things, leading their will to the end I want. Although tonight's "victory" means little to you, I've already won! [Entry time: 21:00:06, June 14, 2019 Written in: 2019.6. 5] I haven't experienced any ups and downs that can be talked about after a meal. The first half of my life is really nothing legendary, and the most worth mentioning thing is that I came here, and this is the starting point for everyone. So, am I not qualified to speak? Compared to your life, can I really be considered much better? Am I really happy? And when I come here, must it be a tragedy? Why do you punch me and treat me as a pitiful creature? I won't deliberately learn about a person's past. I'm not interested in knowing everyone's deeds. I just need to know what kind of people you are based on what's happening, and it's fine to click on it. There is no doubt that I have come all the way here and have lived until now, and I do not lack the courage to be close to you! I need even more, and the wisdom of my mediocre birth efforts! My life is never easy! I won't tell anyone, I've turned this place into a whole new stage, I've started my own project. Even if I am exposed, I don't need to blush or feel guilty, because I have never claimed to be the protagonist, nor am I accompanied by a beautiful princess. In the complicated battlefield, I only need to be a trigger, a bullet, and a shock. I will destroy this place, I must destroy this place, with my name and existence as guarantee. And doing this is to prove that I am me! [If I cannot bear the consequences of counterattacking, then I will lose the opportunity to counterattack. 】
[Entry time: June 14, 2019 23:02:22 Written on: 2019.6.5] Feng Yifei is the person who has influenced me the most since I came to Roana Pura. Even if the Black Reef Chamber of Commerce is still the two giants, everyone in this city has less influence on me than she did. In the beginning, Feng Yifei, like me, came from the normal world, that is, they were all abandoned people, and they were all powerless tools. The most important thing is her furious reaction, which is almost exactly the same as mine. She wants to take her life and must take revenge to the end. I know she's just a whim, no matter how tough she is at first, and I hope it's just that. Revenge is too dangerous for such a girl. I originally just wanted to use my interests to send her away safely and arrange an identity, but I wanted to confirm whether she was really like me. So, I went against Dutch's advice and dragged Levy into the water to help her. It may have been a moment of anger, she later showed some timidity, and when life and death were at stake, she showed amazing firmness. Well, Feng is still much better than me. Just not being bluffed by my double confirmation is enough to make me happy. Helping her makes me feel like I'm helping my former self, which is amazing. In that room, we didn't talk much, but thought very carefully. She wanted me to continue to be who I was and made me believe that I had paid off. I will continue without her saying it. It's just that no one has ever encouraged me, told me this, and got so close to my thoughts. And no one smiled and affirmed what I did in the past like her, not even the boy and girl... Feng told me that I had been a hero for a long time, but I didn't realize it. Suddenly a little happy. In fact, it's hard to impress me, who is gradually decaying, just by her three words, but I love to hear them and I am happy to talk about them. Looking forward to meeting her again. [Entry time: 23:12 on June 14, 2019: 13] My biological father is a very bad man, irresponsible father and husband. During the high school sprint years, he always left early and returned late, wearing a suit from the former company that was the only place he worked, and holding that well-maintained briefcase all day long. I don't know where or how he is going, only that he left early and came back very late. I remember that I didn't see him for half a year, thinking he had disappeared. But the constantly shifting mouthwash cup, toothbrush, toothpaste, and quilt always remind me: no. It was a little bit of fun, but he actually slept in the utility room every night, secretly hand-washing clothes and drying them with another hairdryer. It was only late at night when I entered the first overtime work in the "real-world" that I saw him come back, and then I knew that the briefcase was not empty. It was full of documents that could prove his life and existence: diplomas, transcripts, medical records and even train tickets. The most conspicuous and most beautiful is his treasured novel notebook. Yes, listening to the whispers of the neighbors and going back and forth with his mother's departure, he is a very unrealistic person. He has a healthy and good body, but he never touches manual labor, and he spends all his thoughts on literary creation of whimsical ideas. After confirming the time for him to come home, I will hide at that time and observe his movements. I hear him talking on the phone with some well-known writers, and he seems to know a lot of like-minded people who are quite wealthy and can explain where his income comes from. Yes, he always used words to cover up the fact that he was unemployed, he always read Plato, but dared not admit his dream of becoming a writer. Middle-aged people who have accomplished nothing will do this, throwing out a writer's dream to explain why they have been mediocre in the first half of their life. I hope he disappears from now on, but also remain intensely curious about the papers in his briefcase. The night before embarking on the voyage to the South China Sea, I took a huge risk and peeked at his diary. This exquisite and heavy diary has been in use since he was in junior high school. The writing in it is very beautiful and impeccable, like a standard book. But! There is no me, no mother, no home! Only... only his memory of his childhood! More than 400 pages, beautiful articles that can be loaded into textbooks, without me and my mother, only his own long-dead childhood! Why... I didn't have animations or game consoles in my childhood, all because my biological father was incompetent! "You also know that Dad has no ability." The innocent tone... made me disgusted and too lazy to blame him. I didn't have a girlfriend or smoke or drink, I just wanted to get into a university far enough and good enough to leave the home I knew and hated. 【Written in: 2019. 6.10] But even at school, or at work, it doesn't make me happy. I can stay here only because the bad things happening in both places are within my tolerance. My opinion would be crowded out by another person with outdated jokes, my good intentions would be ignored at all, but when bad things happened, I was seen as a savior. I mean: scapegoat. Any of the solutions I put forward are enough to resolve the deadlock, but no one is willing to spend even a little time thinking about it. No one wants to even hear the name in! It's not the same as before, I'm no longer a lamb. My slender limbs and sturdy sharp horns can kill an unsuspecting tiger, as long as I have the heart, it's just a matter of lowering my head a little. Before it became like this, in order to meet this change, I had another name - Locke. This is a warning to others. Whenever I meet new people, I will first introduce my original name, Ryo Okajima, but unfortunately there is only a more common and popular "Rock" that is easier to remember. Because "rock" is too simple. When my "death news" came to my door, "Okashima Midori" was only living in my dream and in a coma. I am now Locke, a human.
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