to that cowardly child

Guillermo 2022-03-30 09:01:11

Late at night, I still clicked on the film again.
At this time, I didn’t cry or laugh every day, and I didn’t think or miss. It was so normal that even the people who looked at me every day believed that it was all over.

It seems to be over. It seems to be really okay.

I delayed watching this film for three months. When I left, I was in a hurry and forgot to take it with me.
In three months, everything has changed.

Then, thinking about it, I thought this was a movie I was destined to see. It didn't move, it just stood there waiting for me. I can't escape no matter what.

Three months later, when I cleaned my computer again, I found this video that was once downloaded because of the words "forgetful love".
I clicked on him.
At that time, I really hadn't seen my D for two months. No phone calls, no text messages, or even, perhaps, no misses.
And then I saw Ben's David... Whoa, whoa, I got goosebumps all of a sudden. All the sensations came back like a tide. I didn't read it wrong, and I didn't have too much subjective color. I really saw my D-----the best friend who watched the movie with me later told me that Ben really looked like D. . .

This is David, but my boyfriend is really called David. My best friend
said, this is fate. You are destined to meet.

When did you say goodbye to D? We have been together for so long and he said so many times about breaking up, but we never separated once. I only said it once, but it really broke up.
Maybe this is the difference between us.

I told myself that breaking up was the right choice, and it was my rational and mature performance.
To love someone, to want to be with someone, love alone is not enough.
As David said to Consville in the movie, there is a thirty-year difference between us, and you still have a long way to go in your future life---to escape Consville's sincere eyes.
But what Conswella said next made me want to slap myself hard: I'm not asking about my future and yours, but yours and mine.

I'm not as brave as Consville. When I thought I had done my best, someone once said to me, Xin, in the end, everyone will acquiesce to reality. You just haven't insisted until that time, saying it's impossible, it's just an excuse.

It was too difficult, I really thought it was too difficult at the time. My parents have been obstructing me since I was 23 years older than me. My friends didn’t approve of the decadent words they kept saying to me, and they couldn’t see each other often. The love between teachers and students will always be the focus of attention in this land of China.
what can I do. I am not strong. I am such a coward in the face of worldly criticism.

I used this excuse to break up with D. He didn't reply. For two whole months he did not reply. I don't know what we are after. It doesn't matter if you don't see each other.

I think D is actually disappointed. Like Ben didn't go to Consville's graduation celebration.

Conswella has always been brave. She bravely stayed with him and bravely said goodbye to him.
you are everything to me. and, i loved u.
loved. That means everything will pass. I will let him go.
And I don't even dare to say a word, I still love you.

Here comes the piece that was waiting for me. They haven't seen each other for two years. David was seriously ill, his friend died, he started working again, the same thing happened to his son, and his former close friend suddenly had a heart-to-heart talk.
When he finally got it straight, he told his sexual partner of twenty years that the tampon belonged to a young girl I once loved.
He finally admitted it.
Then he went home and heard the message: David, it's me. Kangsweila.
That next scene scene and narration is my favorite: i realised i lived all these years just to litsen to these words. i klapped to the floor litsening to her msg again and again fearing the worst. she was in love, she was getting married, perhaps she even wants get my blessing. David just sat on the floor with a sad and helpless look on his face. He didn't even have the courage to dial down those seven numbers. a long time.

You know what, dear D, at that moment I felt like we were meant to be. I have given in for so long, escaped for so long, and hesitated for so long, but in the end we will still meet, and we will still be together.
So I love this scene so much, at least at this moment, I have reason to believe that some fate is doomed. And we will still be together.

I still remember the scene where Conswella and David were lying in bed and talking about each other. In the bottom of my heart, I hoped that it was us who could sleep like that. It's us who live in real reality.

D, let me take this movie as a memorial to you.
The beauty of which we have really had, and the decisiveness of which we are also experiencing.
And D, actually, I love you.
Always.

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Extended Reading
  • Krystal 2022-04-01 09:01:18

    The poster is very familiar, but the natural jealousy of women makes me resist Pu's film. If it wasn't for Xunlei's new year, I shouldn't watch this. To be honest, this woman was born for acting, and her performance is natural. No one can resist her beauty and sensuality, and in the same way, everyone will sigh in their hearts for her intelligence and talent. It doesn't matter how the story is, she only needs a bed, and simple lines can capture the soul

  • Alexa 2022-04-02 09:01:14

    Various soundtracks + various bodies #20200228, two brushes#

Elegy quotes

  • David Kepesh: You know for a Pulitzer prize winning poet, sometimes you display a remarkable lack of imagination.

    George O'Hearn: That's why they gave me the fucking prize.

  • Carolyn: You're fucking other women. I had two husbands who fucked other women. I didn't like it then, I don't like it now, least of all with you. *You have everything with me, David. Pure fucking. No hidden agendas, no icky entanglements.* How could you do this? There aren't many like me.

    [David shakes head]

    Carolyn: I actually understand you. I'm one in a million.