Tolstoy said that happy families are all alike, and every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
But in fact, the misfortunes of the family are also similar, and the root cause is probably the same. You don't understand me, and I don't understand you either.
"The Sunshine" tells an uncomplicated story: Ah He, a street gangster, took his brother Caitou and chopped off a hand of his opponent, Heilun, and was sentenced to a year and a half in a juvenile nursing home. At this time, the pregnant girlfriend Xiaoyu came to the door and said that she must give birth to this child.
Ah He's father is a driving school instructor, and he doesn't care about his son. He hoped that Ah He would be "detained until old age and death" in the nursing home. But he will go to cram schools, send tuition to another son, Ah Hao, and encourage him to "grasp the time and control the direction".
Ahao is the sun at home. He is obedient, sensible, intelligent and motivated. At that time, he was repeating his studies because he failed to get into the medical school of his first choice. However, on an ordinary morning that could no longer be ordinary, he brushed his teeth, changed his clothes, jumped and left this world.
After Ah He came out of the orphanage, he worked day and night to start a new life. Unexpectedly, after three years passed, Caitou pursued him after his release, forcing him to work hard, threatening him to deliver goods, and pulling him back to the dark abyss step by step.
Ah He has never thought about telling his family about his pain in life, and his father has never thought about entering his inner world. In the end, the father killed Caitou on the rainy night and silently protected the younger son in his own way.
Ah He and his father are shadows of each other. They give each other the power to live where they can't see each other.
However, the cruelest part of this movie is that it arranged the saddest ending for the most tender people.
It's the space age, people can go to the moon, but they will never be able to explore the universe inside people.
Ahao said that he really hopes that like animals, there are some shadows to hide.
But he looked around and couldn't find it.
He has no water tank, no dark place, only sunshine.
Ah Hao is the kind of kid from someone else's family. Tall, handsome, considerate and kind. He is the pride in the eyes of his parents, the sun in the eyes of his younger brother, and the one who always treats the world tenderly.
However, from the beginning to the end, no one knew what kind of person Ah Hao wanted to be. He seldom talked about himself, and never left a single word in the "Seize Time and Direction" notebook that his father gave him.
And from the beginning to the end, no one cared whether he wanted to be the sun.
I don't even know what he wants to be. But I'm sure it's not what other people think it is.
Because he will question the teacher in class whether he really believes in Sima Guang's story, because he will tell Guo Xiaozhen about his version of Sima Guang's smashing the tank, because he will also lie to his parents and take Xiaoyu to Changhua to see his brother...
He has something he really believes in and wants to do. In the years of growing into Ahao, whom everyone likes, another look that he wants is also secretly taking root and sprouting.
He didn't want to be who he was in the eyes of others.
But he could not live up to the expectations of others.
Expectation is a very scary thing, in the name of love, but it is so overwhelming that people can't breathe. So Ah Hao wanted to hide. Want to find a shadow, want a corner where you can breathe.
However, he stepped out of the gap in life and looked around, but he didn't find any corner where he could rest for a while, but he didn't meet anyone to talk to.
Only unspoken loneliness remains.
This loneliness, accumulated over time, finally overwhelmed him on a certain ordinary morning when the morning light was faint.
What saddens me is that even before committing suicide, he kept things neat and tidy and didn't want to cause trouble for others.
I listened to the voice of that boy, in the past with the future. Longing for a happy ending, but failed to be myself.
I had a similar struggle. How should I choose between the me that others expect, the good child in the worldly sense, and the me I want to be?
I ended up not being able to live the life I wanted.
But I still quietly reserved a small world for my ideal self in the cracks of life, in the struggle of life.
In Los Angeles, I have a mountain that I like to go to. I come here whenever I'm in a bad mood and have nowhere to say. Bring two bottles of Coke, watch the red and yellow traffic on the highway down the mountain, and talk to the wind about those unspoken inner struggles.
I told it about the heroic dreams scattered here, about the absurdity and unreasonableness of this world, and about the myself that I failed to become.
All of this, if you can't tell others to listen, then tell the wind.
Chun Xia said she hated most of the world. But there must be something to keep her.
For me, the oolong milk tea with half sugar and less ice, the army pot in the middle of the rainy day, the crisp sound when the pull tab of the can is opened, the starry sky that catches my eye when I raise my eyes, the lazy afternoon of reading novels on the sofa, Listening to the leisurely weekend of the oasis wandering aimlessly...
They make me feel that in this world, there are still beautiful things worth lingering on. Even if I don't end up being myself, I can find ways to make myself happier.
Life is too bitter, so just a little sweetness is enough. This little bit can withstand the harsh cold of life for a longer time.
Of course, if leaving is the best destination you choose, then I wish you happiness.
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