Sometimes it is not what we choose to read, but the book chooses us. From that moment on, I decided to control my own destiny. I made up my mind to turn my body into a weapon. I wanted to become a knowledgeable boxer. I punched and read. I started to read. WED Du Boyce, and Richard Wright’s book, I gave up all worthless luxury, these are things other prisoners want, pornographic magazines, homosexuality, cigarettes, movies, I hate these, I hate everyone , I don’t want to say anything, only hatred, I want to use my fist to speak, I am determined to use my body as a weapon, it will eventually set me free, it will kill everyone who wants to put me in jail . I feel a kind of relief. My freedom lies in that I don’t want and desire, what they deprive me of. If they punish me, they just keep me in a trumpet, then I can only choose Never leave the trumpet, I will deprive them of their weapons, I will not work in their factory, I will not eat their food, I started to learn. I have to adjust my biological clock. When it is daytime in prison, I sleep, and when they sleep, I wake up. I neither live in their cell nor have my own feelings, I only have thinking. And spiritual existence. As long as I stretch out my hand for help, all I get is disappointment, like a thirsty grass being blown away and disappearing into the dust. I don’t expect anything anymore now, I don’t need anything anymore, don’t want tomorrow, don’t be free , Don’t be fair, it will end gradually, Rubin will no longer exist, Carter will not exist, and only the hurricane is left. After the hurricane, there is nothing left. When I first started writing, I discovered that I am not just writing a novel. Writing is a weapon, a weapon that is more powerful than a fist. Whenever I start writing, I feel that I am much taller. I can see the outside world, I can see the whole of New Jersey, I can see Mandela writing his book in his cell, I can see Hughes, Dostoyevsky, Hugo or Zola, they will Tell me, Rubin, what are you doing here, hey, we all know you. It's like magic, Lesra. They didn't teach me this in Canada. What book do you think I should read? I can tell you that other people won't teach you so much. You have to study it on your own and find those things that are truth to you and things that are truth to Lesla. I have never contacted anyone like you. Do you think I killed those people, children? No, I know you didn't kill anyone. how do you know? I just know it. Nice to meet you, Lesra.
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