[Colossus is reading a book when he hears music outside. He sees Deadpool playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" on his smartphone before covering his ears]
Deadpool:
I made mistakes! I wanna take them back! You trusted me. I took that trust... and turned it into a glory hole in an airport bathroom. The one in Minneapolis. You know the one.
[Colossus walks out of his room and looks at Deadpool]
Deadpool:
But even you know I'm not a complete piece of shit! I was once an X-Man!
Negasonic Teenage Warhead:
Trainee!
[Negasonic Teenage Warhead throws a food container at Deadpool, knocking the smartphone off his hand. Deadpool turns around and picks up the container]
Deadpool:
You're still using my Velcro labels. Aw.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead:
They do stick better than tape.
Yukio:
[waving at Deadpool]
Hi Wade!
Negasonic Teenage Warhead:
Please don't.
Colossus:
Say whatever it is you're here to say. Make it quick.
Deadpool:
Right. Quick. It's the kid. Just like you, I let him down. And just like me, he's never had anyone sacrifice anything for him because the whole world wrote him off as a piece of shit a long time ago. Look, he's teamed up with the Juggernaut!
[gasps]
Deadpool:
The Juggernaut! Who's, like, my favorite Marvel character ever-
[looks at Yukio]
Deadpool:
And hi Yukio! That was really nice of you to say hi, so I'm gonna say hi back. You guys make a super cute couple. Yeah. Where was I?
[looks back at Colossus]
Deadpool:
Oh, yeah. You should never meet your heroes because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick! And like most dicks, he's hard as a rock and causes nothing but problems! Look, you can stop the Juggernaut. I know you can!
Colossus:
Do you know what would happen to me if I helped you? I would be disgraced. You are a criminal, a fugitive. But worst of all, you broke my heart, Wade.
Deadpool:
Then, you know what? Your heart's in the wrong place, big guy. Doing the right thing is sometimes messy and fucked up, and not particularly convenient! So stay here in Chateau de Virgin while we go get our fuck on!
