Most Chinese people have a one-sided understanding of love. Love is liking a person from the heart and admiring the other person as an independent personality. He is not perfect, but he is what you want him to keep. Live independently and develop independently, not dependent on your will. He is an independent person first and foremost, a person you love, or someone who loves you. He doesn't want to lose his ego's will because he loves you, self-development (although he wants to do that, but it's not something you can force). We want him to live according to my wishes, that's not love, that's possession and domination. In that case, what we love is only ourselves (possessiveness), and we just find a carrier for narcissism. It's ridiculous and sad that a lot of literature and education have created a situation where I don't love others, but ask them to love me in a way that is centered on my own will. This unequal way of thinking is doomed that most Chinese-style marriages are only about taking (you have to love me basically unconditionally), while I love you according to my way (dominate and possess you). From this point of view, most of us have never really loved others. The so-called love is really just a kind of fate. This kind of fate can happen between you and someone of the same sex, or it can happen between different generations. For example, when I was a child, I longed for an older friend I liked every day, but in adulthood, various physiological reactions make people miss them more deeply and more intensely.
After these chemical reactions have passed, the so-called love will disappear. If you get used to it, it will become a habit in life, and you will take care of each other together; if you can't tolerate each other, you will never see each other again.
After quarreling many times, many people still think of the happy time with each other, and feel that we are still a little happy together. However, when we do not possess and dominate each other, we may get more with colleagues and friends.
Apart from the biological factors, the two parties without love in a marriage may not be as good as a more acquainted roommate (some women say why it is better to find a man than to find a woman for a better life). This is probably the reason.
Those who are afraid of dying of loneliness, don't worry. On that day, someone who doesn't love them will take care of you for the so-called morality and affection. It may not be as caring as an old friend who has been around for many years. (This sentence is somewhat absolute, and each person's wife's relationship is weighted differently, so analyze it as appropriate.)
This also answers that many people are cared for by their partners when they are dying. When they leave, they comfort themselves that the marriage in this life is not as difficult as when they were young, and sometimes they close their eyes and sincerely say: I will find you in the next life.
If you have a next life, you should first find out love and then find out whether you can find it or not.
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