Batman vs Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Quotes

Batman: This is not the time for pizza.

Michelangelo: I totally don't understand that sentence.

Batgirl: And then they were gone. It all happened so fast. And I didn't have time to, you know, Batgirl up. Those things, they were like lizard men or something. They took the generator. In the wrong hands, it could blow up a city block. We have to stop them, Batman.

Batman: Whatever they are, they're going to regret stepping foot in Gotham.

Leonardo: Take him down! We need answers.

Batman: You are welcome to "try".

Michelangelo: [attacking Batman] THINK FAST!

[Batman wrestles him]

Michelangelo: Ugh... he thought too fast...

Batman: [Seeing that the Batmobile is trapped] Michelangelo, press some buttons.

Michelangelo: [about to explode with joy] I'M GONNA HIT ALL OF THEM!

Leonardo: [points his katana to Penguin] You lose. Where's SHredder?

The Penguin: Shredder? What's a Shredder? You face the Penguin.

Shredder: [regarding the inmates] You try my patience, Ra's al Ghul. The Foot has no need of these... freaks.

Ra's al Ghul: Your constant questioning of the plan tries my patience. So we're even.

Harley Quinn: Yoo-hoo. Hey, over here. It'll just take a second, it's very important.

Shredder: Speak.

Harley Quinn: You gotta come closer.

[Shredder grunts as he walks over to Harley's cell. Harley then checks her reflection in his mask]

Harley Quinn: Hmm, uh-huh, that's it. Just wanted to make sure that my makeup wasn't smudging. Thanks, Mirrorhead!

[laughing maniacally]

Shredder: I hate Gotham.

Ra's al Ghul: Then you're in luck because the man who will help us destroy this city is right behind this door.

[opens several doors with the palm print of a severed hand, then enters the cell, revealing the Joker]

Girl in Pizza Parlor # 1: I think we should see other people.

Girl in Pizza Parlor # 2: [Sobbing] But I don't like other people.

Robin: [Looks around for someone to fight] You! Fly man!

Baxter Stockman: Huh?

Robin: Prepare to defend yourself with whatever formidable abilities you may possess.

Baxter Stockman: I surrender! I don't even work for the Foot. I'm basically a hostage. Don't hit me.

[Pukes in front of Robin]

Robin: You are a terrible disappointment.

Raphael: It's gonna take more than a jerk in a Halloween costume to shock me!

Batman: Okay. Taser level seven.

[the Batmobile fires taser cables that shock Raphael!]

Raphael: So, this League of Assassins seems just like your standard evil ninja deal.

Robin: Ha, hardly, despite their name. The League would be better understood as a death cult. Worshiping Ra's al Ghul, the Demon's head.

Raphael: Okay, fine. Creepy evil ninjas then.

Robin: He wants to use the League to tear down cities like Gotham and rebuild them in his image.

Batgirl: Yeah, Ra's obviously has plans for the mutagen your Shredder brought into the city.

Donatello: Ooze, we call it Ooze.

Batgirl: Really? Ugh, I do not like that word. "Ooze", blech, gross.

Raphael: Right, Shredder gives ghoulie the Ooze, they build some kind of gizmo and in return, let me get this straight, Shredder gets a pit?

Robin: The Lazarus Pit. It's how Ra's al Ghul has survived for centuries. It's magic grants immortality to any who bathe in it.

Raphael: An immortal Shredder? That would suck.

Donatello: As much as the words immortal Shredder freak me out. I think Batgirl and I have solved one of our problems.

Batgirl: Yep, with the info Donnie... I can call you that, right?

Donatello: By all means.

Batgirl: Cool that Donnie had on his T-phone, I've whipped up a retro mutagen.

Donatello: Anti-Ooze.

Batgirl: Not gonna call it that. That will reverse the effects of the "stuff".

Raphael: You're gonna wanna get that anti-Ooze away from this happily mutated turtle.

Donatello: Don't worry, it'll only work on someone who's been mutated in the last 12 hours. After that, the DNA changes are baked in.

Batgirl: Yeah, although maybe worry a little, because it's untested, right now there's a... I'm gonna say 40% chance of lethal side effects.

Robin: I agree with the turtle, go stand over there.

Commissioner Gordon: Ninjas. As if we didn't have enough problems in this city.

Batman: Commissioner Gordon.

[Gordon Turns and sees Batman]

Batman: What have you got for me?

Commissioner Gordon: It's Arkham. Alarms went off an hour ago, but when...

[Sees the Turtles]

Commissioner Gordon: What are those?

Michelangelo: Teenagers.

Donatello: Mutants.

Raphael: Ninjas.

Leonardo: Turtles.

Commissioner Gordon: Just think about your retirement. Some place where the turtles don't talk and clowns are funny.

Batman: It's okay, Jim, they're friends. Arkham.

Commissioner Gordon: Right. When my people tried to move in, they were attacked by ninjas. Like the ones that have been knocking over laboratories.

Leonardo: Shredder!

Commissioner Gordon: We've got the perimeter locked down, but we have to assume there are hostages inside. Guards, doctors, nurses. I need you to...

[Sees the roof is empty]

Commissioner Gordon: Sure, leave before I finish. That never gets old.

Michelangelo: I'm still here.

Commissioner Gordon: AAAAAA!

Joker: Attention, inmates of Arkham. Joker here and I'm pleased to announce you have a new warden, me. And I've got a brand-new medication regimen for you.

Joker: Oh, nurse.

Harley Quinn: [Harley glares] Mmmph.

Joker: Ahem. Nurse Harley Quinn?

Harley Quinn: Hmmmph!

Joker: Oh fine. Doctor Harley Quinn.

Harley Quinn: You damn straight. Eight years of college, and a three-year residency and he says "nurse".

Ra's al Ghul: [Stands over Leonardo, sword pointed at his chest] Foolish child. I am hundreds of years old and have trained with the greatest trainers in history. How could you possibly-

[Leonardo knees Ra's in the groin. He falls to his knees in pain]

Leonardo: Oh yeah? Well, I'm 16, and I learned this from a rat.

[Strikes Ra's almost instantaneously in the neck, shoulder, arm, head, and chest, knocking him unconscious]

Shredder: [Knocks away Batman's explosive capsules] No tricks!

[Slices off Batman's utility belt]

Shredder: No gadgets!

[Slashes Batman in the chest, knocking him back]

Shredder: I promised you would die if you stood in my way.

[Kicks Batman into a wall]

Shredder: You are no match for me! Now, I will take control of the League of Assassins, harness the power of the Lazarus Pits, and the Foot Clan will rule for a thousand years!

[Extends his spikes for a final blow]

Shredder: Any last words?

Batman: ...Cowabunga!

Shredder: What? "Cowabunga"?

[Raphael flies by Shredder, his shell striking his face shield, shattering it]

Raphael: Boom! In your dumb face, Shred-head!

Pizza Delivery Girl: That should be everything. Can you handle all that? It's a lot of pizza.

[Alfred holds several pizza boxes]

Alfred: Young lady, I assure you. There's no amount of greasy cheese bread that could surpass my abilities.

Pizza Delivery Girl: You're the boss, weird butler.

[takes the payment and leaves]

Alfred: I offer to cook a gourmet meal but they want pizza.

[frowns]

Alfred: Teenagers.

Michelangelo: [sliding down the banister on his skateboard] Cowabunga!

Alfred: Oh, no.

[Michelangeo smashes into him, spilling pizza]

Michelangelo: Ooh, pizza. Mmm.

[slurps a slice]

Batman: I'm still recovering from whatever Shredder did to me. I've never seen an attack like that.

Leonardo: It must've been the Sato Oshi strike. It's a powerful ninja technique that dates back hundreds of years. Said to be created by the founders of the Foot Clan. It focuses all the body's energy into a single blow and can prove as fatal to its wielder as it is to the opponent. Because of that, it's been lost to history. Only two living ninja masters know how to utilize it's full power. My father Splinter and The Shredder.

Batman: Good to know. Shredder may have ancient ninja moves, but I've still got a utility belt.

Alfred: [dragging Michelangeo down to the Batcave and confiscating the skateboard] And furthermore, I am keeping the skateboard until you learn not to use it in the house.

Michelangelo: Dude, no.

Alfred: Calling me, "dude" is not helping your case, young master Michelangelo.

Michelangelo: Come on, old Master Alfred.

Alfred: Oh, that's not how that works.

Michelangelo: [presenting the pizza boxes in his hand] Look what I got.

Alfred: Ahem, would the young masters care for some napkins?

Michelangelo: What for?

[the turtles gobble down the pizza, and Alfred sighs in disgust]