Onward Quotes

Laurel Lightfoot: Barley, if you don't get your soldiers out of my land, our kingdoms will be at war!

Barley Lightfoot: Sorry, mom!

Laurel Lightfoot: I swear this is the longest gap year ever.

Barley Lightfoot: [shrunk after Ian's growth spell goes wrong] It worked! The can is huge! And the van is huge! And you're...

[Looks at himself and realizes]

Barley Lightfoot: Oh, no!

Barley Lightfoot: [Shrunk, in Ian's shirt pocket] I have to use the restroom.

Ian Lightfoot: Can't it wait?

Barley Lightfoot: All right, your pocket.

Ian Lightfoot: I didn't call you a screw up.

Barley Lightfoot: You didn't have to. The magic said it for you.

The Manticore: Oh, they went on a quest. But don't worry. I told them about the map, I told them about the gem, I told them about the curse...

[gasps]

The Manticore: I forgot to tell them about the curse!

Officer Avel: Last name?

The Manticore: Manticore.

Officer Avel: First name?

The Manticore: The.

[Opening lines]

Wilden Lightfoot (Dad): Long ago, the world was full of wonder. It was adventurous. It was exciting. And most of all, there was magic.

Ian Lightfoot: [as they're being chased by Officer Bronco] I can't run from the cops!

Barley Lightfoot: You're not, you're running from your mom's lame new boyfriend.

[More cop cars appear]

Barley Lightfoot: Okay, now we're running from the cops.

Laurel Lightfoot: Please, the curse. What does it do?

The Manticore: Right. Sorry. It's a Guardian Curse. If your boys take the gem, the curse will rise up and assume the form of a mighty beast, and battle your sons to the... Ooh. Well, how do your boys do in a crisis?

Laurel Lightfoot: Not great! One of them's afraid of everything, and the other isn't afraid of anything!

The Manticore: Yeah, that skinny kid of yours is pretty fearless.

Laurel Lightfoot: No, no, you mean the big one. Barley.

The Manticore: No, no. The little guy. Ooh, he really let me have it.

Ian Lightfoot: What did he say?

Barley Lightfoot: He said he always thought his wizard name would be Wilden the Whimsical.

Ian Lightfoot: Wow. That's... really terrible.

Barley Lightfoot: I know.

[they laugh awkwardly]

Barley Lightfoot: He also said he's very proud of the person you grew up to be.

Ian Lightfoot: Well, I owe an awful lot of that to you.

Barley Lightfoot: He... kind of said that too. Oh, and he told me to give you this.

[Barley hugs Ian]

[after finding out they went back to New Mushroomton near the end of their journey to get the Phoenix Gem]

Ian Lightfoot: Oh, no.

Barley Lightfoot: What?

Ian Lightfoot: The gem is in the mountain. The mountain we could have been to hours ago, if we'd just... stayed on the expressway.

Barley Lightfoot: No, the expressway is too obvious! You can never take the obvious...

Ian Lightfoot: If I hadn't listened to you! OKAY? I can't believe this... You act like you know what you're doing, but you don't have a clue! And that's because you are a screwup... And now you've screwed up my chance to have the ONE thing I never had!

[Barley was shocked; Ian turns and starts walking off with their dad Wilden]

Barley Lightfoot: [saddened] Where are you going?

Ian Lightfoot: [gives Barley the staff] To spend what little time we have left with Dad.

Barley Lightfoot: Ian, wait! We can still find the Phoenix Gem! We just have to keep looking! Ian! IAN!