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Harper: I'm so sorry. I got here so early that I thought had time to dick around then I went to that gift shop, then I lost track of time and suddenly I was late.
Charlie: That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. That is not a real thing.
Harper: Yes, it is. It's the over-dick-around thing. I over-dicked it.
-
Harper: [describing Kirsten and Rick] One is a stunningly beautiful woman with dark hair and a fierceness that's both scary and inspiring.
[Shrugs]
Harper: The other's a guy.
-
Harper: Guys think that they like girls who like sports. What they actually like is a girl in a very tight sports jersey, serving them wings and getting the terminology wrong. Guys like girls who like guys who like sports.
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Duncan: Okay technically, this time, I did have a guy over.
-
Creepy Tim: People call me Creepy Tim?
[pause]
Creepy Tim: I love it.
-
Frank: Paying student athletes is such a hot button issue at the moment, you couldn't back off a little bit? I mean, you're implying we're getting rich off the backs of poor kids.
Kirsten: We're not implying it, we're proving it. Your AD bought a 2-million dollar boat last year and your star player is on food stamps.
-
Charlie: Don't pee, don't zone out, don't sneeze. Just cover his phones and try not to exist.
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Harper: When my mom was my age, she had me. I've never even had a boyfriend.
Charlie: But you're, like, a grown up.
Harper: Take that back.
-
Harper: All I care about is that I'm not still an assistant when I'm 28 years old. That's when it gets really sad.
Charlie: I'm 28.
Harper: Oh my God, I'm so sorry. For you. That's very sad for you.
-
Kirsten: A lot of men proposed to me in my twenties. I could be thrice divorced by now.
-
[Harper and Charlie are climbing up a fire escape and Charlie is carrying a pizza]
Harper: Are you okay?
Charlie: I'm fine.
Harper: No, I'm talking to my pizza.
-
Suze: This is where Kim threw Kanye's half-birthday party.
-
Harper: Why are you dressed like that?
Charlie: I don't work here anymore. I quit working for Rick. Starting over. At 28. Actually, I'm a temp, which is technically lower on the totem pole than an assistant, which is kind of a kick in the nuts. But it's, um, kind of cool. I get to see a bunch of different jobs. Find out what I actually like. I like you. So, so much. You're not hard to get at all. You're hard to earn. It's so much better.
-
Harper: It's just like, I worked so hard at being this great assistant and making sure she was happy that... I don't know, feels like I might have lost any writing skill I ever had.
Charlie: Well, that is definitely not true. You're a terrible assistant.
-
Becca: When I was little, my grandmother, she used to say: "You like because, and you love despite." You like someone because of all of their qualities, and you love someone despite some of their qualities.
-
Charlie: I wanna fuck this pizza.
Harper: I get it. You should never say that to anyone. But I get it.
-
Harper: Hard-to-get makes no sense. It's evolutionarily unsound. Why would a caveman want a cave woman who was like 'Go get me food, and when you come back maybe there will be a cave for you, maybe there won't be.' Men should want women that are gonna keep the coziest, warmest caves. Men need shelter. I am guaranteeing shelter.
Set It Up Quotes
Extended Reading
