It may be that I am old, and I have been asked these questions many times in the past two years: What kind of people do you like? When are you going to get married? Do you want kids in the future? It is precisely because I have been asked a lot, and I began to ask for an answer, but the answer was far beyond my expectations and made me want to back down.
This is a story about first love. It not only tells about love, but also some expectations for young people. It wants people to know that if you don’t pursue and be brave when you are young, you will never have a chance. It also wants to tell young people about this. It's your life, go ahead and do it. (You didn't have the courage when you were young, and now it's even worse)
It also talks about some attitudes about feelings, such as: the less you know some people, the more interested you are in them, they can be anyone in your mind (love at first sight, various filters)
But when you get to know them, you will find that they are not perfect (the filter is broken, the three views are running in).
Your problem is that you don't feel happy about sadness, but love is sadness and joy (afraid of getting hurt and afraid to give).
In the process of watching it, I kept thinking about my own emotional experience, and I thought that the above lines seemed to be problems I had encountered.
The first time I received a love letter was in junior high school. It was a thin, tall boy with long non-mainstream hair. He was seated in the back two rows. He smoked and didn’t like to study. Before I received the letter, my impression of him was in the Internet cafe. The smoke in the face is disgusting. The love letter said that he liked my character, and asked if I would like to be her girlfriend? The letter was also folded into the popular heart shape at the time, and it was passed to me by a girl. After reading it, I just felt inexplicable, what do I like so much? So ordinary. And at that time, I still remembered my mother's words "the main task before college is to study", so I wrote back saying that I want to study, not to fall in love.
The second time was at university. During the first semester of my freshman year, I often went to the Hyatt Hotel near the school for a part-time job, trying to save money to buy a computer. One of the part-timers in the same period was a boy from the polytechnic school next door. One day, he suddenly gave me a few candies in the evening shift and told me to eat them. Then everyone else was booing. I just felt embarrassed and I didn’t like candy , but thinking that the university should really be in a relationship, he did not refuse. Later, he invited me to dinner, drink milk tea, and went out in high spirits amid the roommates.
But the second time I drank milk tea, I didn't like it very much. He always hugged and hugged him. I was very repelled. On the third night of the date, I was taken back to the dormitory when I was suddenly kissed at the door. At that time, I felt that it was unsanitary for two people to do this, so I turned around to wipe my mouth frantically, and immediately brushed my teeth when I went back.
Later, the roommate found out that he was very interested, and immediately blocked all his contact information after knowing it. Although he was very sad, he was relieved and no longer had to think of reasons to refuse his intimate contact (in the cafeteria in the second half of the year). I met him on a date with a girl from the same school, I just felt very lucky)
For the third time last year, a boy introduced by my sister chatted for more than a month and got along for more than two weeks, but he would still reject him later, and he did not reply to any messages sent during the Chinese New Year. My sister asked me why? Saying some reasons that are not the main reason, in fact, I have found that I don't like to be in contact with boys.
During the Chinese New Year, the family is very pressing, and it is very annoying to make blind dates secretly and secretly. The same goes for visiting relatives. As soon as I ask if there is no match, I will go crazy with my partner. My mother is also very anxious, always worried that I will not be able to marry. Later, I had a big fight with my mother and told her the news of my depression. stopped.
It happened that I was at home during the holidays, and I watched some lily works by chance. I got out of control and found more videos, novels and posts. Later, I found social software and asked many girls on it, asking them how they confirmed that they liked it. girl's? Because after I came into contact with this subject, I suddenly realized that many girls in high school mistakenly thought that I liked girls (dressed as neutral, my friends like girls), and when I was a student, I was inexplicably attracted to a type of girl, and I especially wanted to get to know them. She took care of her, but never thought about it at the time (traditions of homeschooling, nor did she dare to think about it).
I also met a girl on social software and chatted with her for more than two months. I was very happy at the time. I wanted to share everything with her. I took a lot of photos for her, and also sent her some of my own writing. As the chatting time increased, I found that there was another person living in her heart, and I also knew that she left her contact information because I was very similar to that person.
Because of her fluctuating hot and cold, and also because of the constant news related to her ex, and because of the pressure of the new job, her mentality collapsed immediately, and then she went to the doctor, changed jobs, and reduced the frequency of chatting. Later, I found out that I did not find her. , she won't think of me, and then she will not take the initiative to contact me because she has consumed too much energy in her own entanglement. During this period, she has asked twice, but what should I say? I don't know, until last month, I didn't want to be out of balance because of her specious Moments, so I blocked her, changed her avatar, and disappeared.
Do you like her? Probably, she will be very happy when she receives the message, and she is super happy when she agrees with me to go and play with her. But do you really like her? Not sure, because her image should be processed more than real based on internet and text alone.
What kind of objects do I like? Not clear, because there is not much experience, and it was rarely considered before this year. When are you going to get married? I don't know, maybe I won't get married in the future, because I feel that I don't have the ability to give love to others. Want kids? I like it but I don't have the ability, the same, I don't have the courage to take on the role of a mother if I don't do it well. I am very curious, which of the above people is the real first love? (But it doesn't matter)
Now I especially want to travel back ten years to see who I am with? How is life? What has it become? Are you having a good time? Or will it still exist ten years from now?
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