don't remember me

Matilda 2022-04-22 07:01:31

I always want a lot, but I seldom say it, because I worry about getting nothing, or being found out about things that others don't like, but I care a lot. All I seem to care about are the little things that don't matter, some that never even get noticed. Maybe there are people similar to me who feel that the world is so desolate when walking in the crowd, the distance between people is conserved, and they can never find a quiet and undisturbed place, because it doesn't exist at all.

I will probably have to wait until I am very old in the future before I dare to admit that I have nothing. There is no love, no friends, and relatives are long gone. At that time, I will not feel sad, but will only feel very tired. I finally fully accept this kind of life. I don’t need to smile hypocritically, and I don’t need to work hard to gain recognition. You no longer need to pay attention to anyone or anything, just stay with yourself quietly, look at yourself, and take a closer look at how you have nothing. Time is no longer precious, and it doesn't matter if the world is beautiful or not. I will find myself so failed, and my long life has been wasted so quickly, but I have no regrets. I don't want to start all over again, I just want to end it quickly.

The point of failure is to disappoint everyone, including yourself. Every day when I walk alone on the road, there are so many people coming and going, each with a different expression and mood, they are all living for life, just like me, but so different. Most people doubt the meaning of living, but in the end almost all choose to believe that the meaning of life must be found in the process of living, living a life in a positive and noisy way, and dying is also a lively scene, guests The hall is full of joy, and some people who live a lonely life are either bitter or insufferable, and even silence seems superfluous when they leave. I also doubted it, but now I think it doesn't matter if it is meaningful or not, I just want to seriously appreciate every fleeting moment, alone and quietly. I will definitely feel lonely, I will miss you, I will miss many people, and then find myself even more lonely, because no one can get rid of loneliness.

Reading so many books, listening to so many songs, loving someone seriously, and traveling to unfamiliar places are all just trying to find a firm reason to live in peace. Maybe I don't need anything, I just live for many reasons, but none for myself. I never thought about suicide like I never thought about being born. The beginning of life is not my decision, and I just want to let it go when it ends. I always feel extremely pitiful for those who commit suicide because they endure so much pain before they even think about leaving. In fact, the pain never stops, and death can't stop it. To leave is to impose one's own pain on others. And I just want to guard my pain and not let people get too close.

If I die, I want to be forgotten by everyone, and I don't want others to think of me and feel sad. A person's departure is not worth griefing, what is worth griefing is that he never really lived.

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Extended Reading
  • Myrl 2022-03-26 09:01:06

    Vulnerable, sensitive, lonely. Desire to be saved, refuse to be saved. Strive for self-redemption, indulge in indulgence and fall. we are the same.

  • Heath 2021-12-18 08:01:09

    After seeing it, I was very crushed. The easiest thing in this world is probably to live indifferently. Because once you start to care about others, no matter how small it is, you need courage. And living in detachment does not actually require courage and determination. I was very autistic for a while and felt that living alone must be something a strong person would dare to do, but in fact, such a person is the most cowardly.

Detachment quotes

  • Henry Barthes: Y'know you can't... you can't keep living on the street...

    Erica: I'm not, I mean, I'm staying here with you.

    Henry Barthes: Well, you can't continue to stay here with me. I'm not good for you...

    Erica: That's not true. You're like, the only family I've ever had...

    Henry Barthes: Well, I can't be your family, I can't give you what you need. You have to understand, you should be...

    Erica: You're good and gentle, you're the most kind... I love you Henry. Don't let them take me, please nooooooooo, you're all I have, please don't let me go.

    [Social workers take her away still protesting]

  • Henry Barthes: I am money, I change hands like the dollar bill, that has been rubbed by a lamp; Then a genie appeared and cried loudly, with volume; But the tears were all for myself, and that's where it all went wrong