love is selfish

[the phone rings and Luke hopes that Matthew can fix things with Alex over the phone]

Luke: I hope, for our friendship, this is who I want it to be. Want to see how cool I am? Three rings.

[Luke answers the phone]

Luke: Hello? Hey, how's it goin'? Oh, I'm so sorry. Did you get my message-ges. No, I lent my car to my buddy Matt, and he was a little late coming home. No, sure. He's right here. Hold on a sec. She wants to talk to you.

[hands over the phone to Matthew]

Luke: Fix it. You have to fix it.

Matthew: [Luke hovers near the phone to listen in] Hello?

Alex: [Alex on the other end of the phone] He's full of shit, isn't he?

Matthew: Yeah, he's full of shit, all right.

Alex: Yeah, I knew it.

Matthew: He didn't lend me his car. I took it. I stole his keys.

Luke: [whispers] That's good.

Alex: Why would you do that?

Matthew: Because I'm a selfish idiot. And I had this whole thing going on that... I don't wanna bore you with it.

Alex: Please, I insist.

Matthew: Okay. Well, um... I was looking for somebody. A woman. I wasn't thinking. Got a little desperate.

Alex: Oh, I'm sorry.

Matthew: No. I should be apologizing to you. And I am apologizing to you. I'm very sorry that I ruined your evening.

Alex: Did you find her?

Matthew: I think so. Yeah. I found where she lives.

Alex: Well, you should go back, and you should look for her.

Matthew: I think I will. Thanks.

Luke: [whispers] Okay, you're boring now. Give me the phone.

Matthew: Okay, Alex. I gotta go.

Alex: Nice to talk to you.

Matthew: Nice to talk to you, too. Bye - bye.

Matthew: [looks at Luke handing him the phone] She's nice, man.

Luke: [smiles] Thanks.

[the theatre director coaches Alex that she's not giving any love in her performance]

Alex: [Alex gives her line] Whoe'er I woo myself would be his wife.

Theater Director: [the theater director interrupts her] Alex, what's going on?

Alex: What do you mean?

Theater Director: Well, I'm sitting in the audience and I'm getting nothing. I figured maybe I'm missing something, so I come, I take a closer look. But you know what? I'm still not buying it.

[screams at her]

Theater Director: What the hell is a matter with you today? Look, the line,

[quotes]

Theater Director: whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife, defines your character. You're in love with this guy, and he is asking you to help him get another woman! You're upset, you're confused, it's tearing you up inside! We gotta see the love, but we've also gotta see the agony. You have been in love before, haven't you?

Alex: Yes. Sure.

Theater Director: Oh, good. Well, please. Share us a little something, huh?