He rejected the boy he liked because he was his first love, and accidentally discovered that even though he had talked for several paragraphs in high school and college after they broke up since junior high, he still had a very special presence in his heart. I don't want to hurt my heart, and I don't want to put everyone in an embarrassing situation. Kind of like Amy in some places, but why not Joe? Pride and terrible self-esteem do not allow oneself to express what they really think. Sometimes I tell myself that I don't like it that much, but fortunately I don't like it that much, and it's fortunate that I don't have to extricate myself.
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