I like to download movies. I always download hundreds of movies from the subtitle group website and put them on the mobile hard drive. I dream of watching them one day. What problems can this cause? When I downloaded it, I knew what the movie was about. When I finally opened it one day after half a year, I had already forgotten what movie it was.
For example, the German movie I want to talk to you today seems to be more like a certain brain-burning action movie, but the content subverts me.
What is a system destroyer? The system can also be interpreted as a rule here. Every one of us grows from babies who cry and urinate at will to know how to use the toilet, know how to start learning ability, and then every step from the family to the society is closely related to it. Some of our behaviors are normal at a certain age and will not become a kind of damage to the system or rules. However, if this type of behavior continues, it will make it difficult for a person to adapt to a normal life in the society, difficult to establish normal social interactions with others, and form psychological barriers.
Benny, the protagonist of the film, is a nine-year-old girl. She suffers from a mental illness that we call disruptive behavior disorder, which manifests itself as a destructive behavior to any rules, as well as serious aggressive behaviors toward others. She moved to various children's correctional institutions in Germany, but because of her perverse behavior, she was often rejected by the correctional institutions.
Disruptive behavior disorder is based on children as the main diagnostic target. They are unable to control their own behavior in a situation where other children can control themselves to complete certain behaviors, impulsive, self-destructive, attacking others, etc. It is their typical manifestation. It has two branches, one is hyperactivity that everyone is very familiar with, and the other is character disorder.
Self-control is an ability that can be slowly developed in the early years of a person, and then we can enter kindergartens and schools. If this part of the ability is blocked for various reasons and cannot develop normally, not only will there be serious maladjustment and rejection by the social system when entering the social system, it will also cause the person's learning ability to develop slowly. For children with such problems, how to overcome this psychological barrier is a huge challenge for them.
Of course, in this process, they need the help of adults, and society is willing to pay immense patience for children like them. Germany has done a very good job in this regard. Beside Benny, there are her counselors, as well as various experts in the field of education and psychology who continue to discuss her problems. She is just an ordinary child from a poor family, her mother is a weak and irresponsible mother, and her biological father has never appeared. But people didn't give up this child, they have been working hard on her problem.
It is also difficult for children with such behavioral disorders to interact normally with other peers. At the beginning of the film, Benny quarreled with the children and attacked them fiercely. The teachers hurriedly separated them, but Benny was still angrily smashing the door with his tools.
The social worker communicated with her and told her that she needed to stop such behavior, or she would change to a nursing home. Benny said that she wanted to return to her mother. However, her mother didn't want her to go back at all. However, her weak mother never told her this, and even at one time showed a willingness to change herself, find a new job and plan to take Benny home. However, this was just a whim for her mother, and soon she continued to escape Benny as before.
Benny expresses himself only through anger, and it also transforms into a short-lived happiness after escaping from the penitentiary. She couldn't hate her mother, so she projected all her hatred of her mother on the social workers who wanted to help her. She had no problem with her IQ. In order to steal a bag she liked in the store, she pushed a small child of a customer to the ground, causing confusion and snatching the bag. For this, she didn't have any guilt, instead she was complacent after she succeeded. Because it is difficult to tell her what to do and not to do, discussing these with her will only cause her torment and spit.
We believe that children with such problems are inseparable from their families. Many children engage in sabotage because they think that they can get what they want, and they often succeed in the family. The compromise of their parents strengthens the rationality of their behavior. When parents want their children to do something, but they don't want to do it, they will also force their parents to give up their demands through sabotage and aggressive behavior. Psychologically, this is a reward for the child's destructive behavior. This situation may not necessarily be particularly prominent in the family. Waiting for the child to enter the kindergarten or elementary school will cause many problems, because the school requires the child to have a certain degree of obedience. When such children continue to hope to force others through destructive behavior, such as the teacher's compromise and fail, it will be troublesome for them.
Benny's mother did not have a stable income, and she socialized with different bad men, and had three children. Benny was the eldest one. Once Benny sneaked out of the penitentiary and went home and saw his brother and sister lying on the sofa watching pornographic TV. There was no adult in the family. At this time, Benny became completely different from her before. She told her younger siblings not to watch this kind of TV, and switched them to the animation channel. Then she prepared food for them. Although the refrigerator was almost empty, she tried to get some food for them.
When the mother came back, Benny happily went up to hug her mother, and her mother kissed and hugged her back lovingly. But a certain boyfriend of his mother also walked into the room suddenly , and Benny immediately took a step back instinctively. Behavior is the most true manifestation of a person, especially this kind of subconscious behavior. And Benny also told the man to stay away from his sister, as if this man had done something. When she insisted on asking the man to leave their home, her mother could only tell her with an embarrassed expression that the other party would stay here for a few days.
Benny had a destructive behavior disorder, and the man was impatient with her . She angrily picked up a sculpture and slammed it at her mother. Chaos followed. The man stuffed her into the closet until the police showed up and took her back to the correctional home. No matter how she wailed in the closet, asking her mother to let her out, it didn't help. As the social worker said at the beginning of the film, it was the same every time she returned to her mother.
But we can also see when the mother later told Benny that she had broken up with this man, found a new job and could take her back soon. Benny excitedly pushed all the French fries he had just bought on the floor of the restaurant, then jumped on the table and danced like crazy. Her mother didn't stop her from doing this at all. The waiter in the restaurant frowned and cleaned, while the mother and daughter indulged her—a girl who was already nine years old—to express happiness in an obviously inappropriate way. Even, her mother held her hand and watched her dancing at the dining table with encouraging eyes.
The indulgence of children has nothing to do with love, but is related to the feelings of weakness of the parents themselves. For children, the inability to establish good normal channels of communication with others will make it difficult for them to develop friendship. More likely, children with this type of problem will exhibit anti-social behavior as an adult. Because the development of personality is continuous, in the early years when many normal abilities should be developed, such as love ability, self-control ability, social ability, and learning ability, it was blocked and brought various life problems. Afterwards, it is not necessary to recover from these problems. It's easy and requires people to pay a huge price. And the obstruction of these developmental adaptations will lead to the destruction of their studies, making it difficult for them to get a job like other peers in adulthood, which in turn brings many difficulties for them to adapt to the society.
The above reasons are not the root cause of Benny becoming what it is today. We found that the rate of abused children developing destructive behavior disorders is quite high. From that quick step back from Benny’s to her mother’s boyfriend, we can see what she has suffered from her mother’s various boyfriends. Both her parent and the social worker in charge of her project know that Benny can’t be touched. According to Benny’s mother, because she had been muddied in diapers when she was a baby. Obviously, the professional staff do not believe that a bad experience will not make a child collapse at the age of nine. Benny's reaction to being touched with his face was an extreme scream, various flashbacks. From the jumping screen, one can vaguely see a tattoo and some scary fragments. This is Benny’s deeply suppressed fear and one of the reasons why she cannot live like a normal child.
When a person always encounters physical punishment and various forms of abuse, they will do the same to others.
Benny met her escort in the new correctional home, a man who looked about 30 years old. When he called downstairs and kicked the plant next to him angrily, Benny saw his shadow on his body. Accompanying students are also one of the psychologists. They not only provide nursing homes for children like Bennie, but also special counselors, teachers who implement special education for them to keep up with her studies, and accompanying students.
Gewalt, Benny's accompanying student, had faced boys before. Indeed, the majority of people with disruptive behavior disorders are generally boys, and the proportion is even far higher than that of girls. One possibility is that some behaviors that boys should have been encouraged in the process of socialization, such as bravery, fearlessness, and mobility, are pathologically exaggerated. These behaviors of boys are traditionally more likely to receive rewards. Girls are bigger. On the other hand, boys are more corporal punishment than girls, so they are more likely to do the same physical damage and aggressive behavior to other people. Gewalt should have encountered the same problem before, so he would control his anger by squeezing his hand desperately. When Benny pointed this out, he told Benny that controlling anger is an ability. Do you want to let your anger vent at will, and then get an uncontrollable consequence?
Of course, venting anger will make a person feel good, especially when others will compromise with their own screaming and throwing things. But it won't make your relationship with others better, and it won't make your life better.
Therefore, Gewalt believes that Benny can control her emotions, and all the psychologists around her believe it. Therefore, they are willing to work hard for this child, hoping to change her.
When Benny made a request to break the rules, Gewalt used the game to let her learn how to live with the rules. Social rules are not only punitive, even punishment is only a small part of them. It allows each of us to get along with others smoothly, and play our own creativity in it, and get rewarded at the same time.
After learning that there was no new correctional home to take in Benny, Gewalt decided to take a risk, after all, he also saw his own shadow in this child. He took Benny to the forest, a place without electricity and internet. They need to cook their food by cutting wood and making fire, and they also need to ask the farmer for milk for breakfast.
Benny has never experienced this kind of life, or in other words, never got along with people like Gewalt. Gewalt didn't compromise on her various slapsticks, and no matter what bad words Benny used to scold him, he didn't care. At the same time, he let Benny take on the work within his capacity and trust her to complete it. When the farmer said that Benny was a sick child, he pressed his palm tightly so that he didn't let his temper break out. These Benny was in his eyes.
Gewalt called Benny to get up one morning and jokingly threw the towel on her face, triggering Benny's post-traumatic stress response. Benny screamed, and Gewalt hugged her tightly. No matter how Benny yelled uncontrollably in his ears and kicked his feet desperately, Gewalt wouldn't let go. He just hugged Benny tightly and kept saying "I'm sorry" in her ear until she calmed down and collapsed weakly in his arms.
Gewalt is not perfect. When Benny wets the bed, hoping to sleep with him, he rudely kicks Benny out. But half a minute later, he was relieved, but Benny had run out of the woods. Fortunately, she spent the night in the forest and went to the farmer in the morning. Reluctantly, Benny was dragged out of the farmer's house by Gewalt. Before that, we only cried once when she was locked in the closet by her mother's boyfriend, and that cry was more like the wailing of a sleepy beast. But this time, Benny actually followed Gewalt and wiped his aggrieved tears. Although she was wronged, she would follow him home closely because she knew that this person really loved her.
There can be no conflicts in the process of making rules for children, and conflicts are not so terrible. Although each of us learns to be parents, we also have our own emotions in the face of conflicts, and sometimes we do not deal with them well. But children know that the person who loves them the most is where they are, and they will not feel a huge setback because of conflicts with their parents.
Gewalt used Benny’s destructive power to flow out in a more suitable way. He took her to run wildly in the fields, and asked her to tear down the abandoned wooden house, listen to rock music and sway wildly. We are all destructive, which is an inherent part of human beings, just like our ability to love. Destructive power can be transformed into a person's breakthrough spirit, and aggressiveness can also be creative. When they have a place to put them, the distorted emotions can be relieved, and Benny can cry "Mom" to the field.
Benny wanted to be with Gewalt forever, and even refused to return to the correctional home through self-harm after two weeks. Helpless, Gewalt could only break the setting and take her back to her home. But this is also temporary. In the end, she still has to face her own life, perhaps without Gewalt's life.
Everything seems to be on the right track. Gewalt feels that he has broken the setting and is too deeply involved in Benny's emotions. He hopes to withdraw from Benny's project. Her counselor agreed, but at the same time they also negotiated how to make follow-up work on Benny's situation.
Benny went to a new family. She had been in this family for a while before and felt very good. They also took her to go skating and learn boxing. She was able to finish writing in class and read her essay to her classmates with the encouragement of the teacher.
When all the psychological workers and social workers who worked hard on Benny’s change sat down and negotiated on Benny’s return to his mother, Benny’s mother was late. This is an obvious avoidance behavior, and obviously the mother is not in a hurry to take her home. Sure enough, after her mother was crying and saying some reasons, facing Benny's angry accusation, she ran away.
Benny’s counselor, the social worker who has always shown her a lot of patience and love, chased her out and asked Benny’s mother why she suddenly changed her mind. In the end, he even asked the weak mother, even if he told Benny that he could not take her home now, and told her in person instead of saying "no" and running away. As a result, the mother escaped directly from the counselor, and she didn't even have the courage to reenter the meeting room to face Benny.
I think what makes the crying counselor sad is why such a good child should meet such a mother? Why are they willing to work hard for Benny's situation, Benny's biological mother can abandon the child so easily? But there is no reason in life, and there is no fairness in the world. Especially when you are confused by a terrible native family, this kind of question is unsolvable.
Something happened to Benny immediately.
She deliberately took away the ice cream of the little boy who lived with her in the foster family, and when the little boy accidentally touched her face, she vented all her anger on the innocent child.
I have to admire the perfection of the German social security system. It seems that they can spend so much energy on a child, but I think it is worth it. The so-called youth is strong, the country is strong. The future belongs to them. Only when our children are mentally healthy can they give full play to their creativity and bring a country's longer-term development. At the same time, the teamwork of professionals can indeed play a very good role, providing more comprehensive help in the mental illness of both children and adults.
What happened to Benny in the end? I don't want to be spoiled here, or in fact, there is no ending. This is a niche movie with no ups and downs. Maybe you will feel bored in the first ten minutes of watching it and think that Benny is a terrible bear kid. But I believe that when you savor it carefully, the sadness that arises from the bottom of my heart will not know when it will engulf you, so that you will finally watch the entire film with complicated feelings.
A very realistic film, but not the overly real expression of a documentary. It is really recommended that psychologists all look and take a look, I believe they can learn more about children with disruptive behavior disorders.
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