I dare not look but I can't help it

After reading the introduction, I kept it there and didn't watch it, because I was afraid of crying again when I remembered the deceased grandfather. The film itself has a strong sensational plot, coupled with my crying physique, so I have never dared to watch it. Knowing it will be unforgettable, has been haunting my heart. A week later, I still looked and cried.
My relationship with my grandfather is deeper than the relationship between my grandfather and granddaughter in the movie. I deeply felt my grandfather's love after he got Alzheimer's. Maybe I had matured a lot at that time, even though I was only in the first year of junior high school. He doesn't recognize anyone but remembers my name alone, and he does whatever I tell him to do. As long as I'm not at home, he will ask me where I am when he sees people. Has anyone seen me? He is not as humorous or popular as the grandpa in the film. On the contrary, he has a weird temper and smelly, but he is obedient to me. So my grandfather and I had the best relationship at home, and I didn't escape after he got sick. Seeing the little girl in the film letting her grandfather change his pants, I remembered the first time I changed my grandfather's pants. My grandfather at that time was a bit annoying, because he would poop and pee everywhere, making the house smelly, but we were helpless. One day I was the only one left in the house. I went to my grandfather’s house to see that he was pulled in his pants again, and the ground was covered with his footsteps on shit, and the smell was familiar or unpleasant. But it didn't take long for my grandma to go out, and I didn't want to see him make the house dirty, but I felt that I was still a little girl. I persuaded Grandpa to stay in the house, and within a few seconds I made up my mind to help him change. I thought I would be very uncomfortable, but later days became natural or followed. Help with changing diapers and taking a shower. It was a long time, and it happened in my youth. The grandfather and granddaughter in the film have always been fun to get along with each other. But the reality is that if a little girl lives with a grandfather who suffers from Alzheimer's, it may not be so interesting. In the last and most numb time, I was irritated and disgusted with the life in front of me, hoping that grandpa could leave sooner. He loves me and loves me, he did leave after four days.
I think even if I know that I will regret and hurt Grandpa's departure, I will still look forward to the days after Grandpa's departure. Missing is always happy and heartbroken, but it can last forever.

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