Although Bell is already studying for a master of art, she still retains the idealistic feelings of her middle school days, which makes her look innocent, simple and kind, but no one can always stay in an ivory tower and excel by cleverness. The sense of separation between ideal and reality makes it difficult for her to face the fact that she may lack talent, which is one of her problems.
If you don't face the problem, you will never be able to solve the problem, and it will be difficult to find the source of the problem. She is working hard, but she has lost the direction she should be working towards. She constantly strives to use her cleverness and gender charm to achieve a false class leap by making rich friends and rich second-generation friends. Countless social fragments have pieced together her Confused and unwilling to be lonely.
Bell's habit of avoiding questions is also evident in her interactions with Joe. When she had a disagreement with Joe, she couldn't tell the truth frankly, and would leave the scene as soon as she got angry. After a while, she would knock on the door of Joe's apartment, raise the donut in her hand and say I miss u, After the reconciliation, he kept silent about the last quarrel.
Bell's "selfishness" is an addendum to her lack of emotion, an unconscious revelation. She is not a refined egoist. She is in a state of chaos most of the time, making it difficult to take care of herself, and even more difficult to "love someone". Childhood trauma and lack of "authority" approval and protection in the process of growing up made Bell subconsciously long for love and approval from his father (male/patriarchal). At the same time, due to her lack of good guidance and the habit of facing and solving problems when she was a child, she was always in a state of confusion when faced with decisions, as if there was a gap in her heart that could not be filled, and she did not hesitate to make mistakes to create new problems. Divert attention from old problems.
She was well aware of the accumulated and superimposed mistakes, which brought her heavy setbacks, and cast a low self-esteem on her ego, as if her own existence was the problem itself, so she was more eager to get the attention and favor of others, and thus transferred attention to yourself. This is one of the reasons why she needs a buddy. Love between the sexes is the most readily available "favor", just as appetite is the easiest to satisfy among desires.
I like the portrayal of Bell very much. In her, you can see the various temptations and problems that women face in the process of growing up/the deep and shallow negative effects brought by the bad relationship between the two sexes/the negative communication environment in childhood. Emotional processing issues, etc., her contradictions and dilemmas as a woman run through the season.
How the hell did u end up here? U used to wrap urself in fairy tales like a blanket, but it was the cold u loved. Sharp as u uncovered the corpses of bluebeard's wives, sweeter goosebumps as prince charming slid one glass slipper over ur little toes a perfect fit. But by the schoolyard, real princesses floated by u on fall winds.
U saw the gulf between u and the rich girls and vowed to stop believeing in fairy tales. But the stories were in u deep as poison. If prince charming was real, if he could save u, u need to be saved from the unfairness of everything.
When would he come? The answer was a cruel shrug in a hundred fleeting moments. The sneer on Stevie Smith's face when he called you a fat cow. Uncle Jeff's hand squeezing your ass in the Thanksgiving kitchen. The accusation in your father's eyes when you told him what happened. From every boy masquerading as a man that you let into your body, your heart, you learned you didn't have whatever magic turns a beast into a prince.
You surrounded yourself with the girls you'd always resented, hoping to share their power, and you hated yourself. And that diminished you even more. And then, right when you thought you might just disappear, he saw you. And you knew, somewhere deep, it was too good to be true.But you left yourself be swept, because he was the first strong enough to lift you.Now, in his castle, you understand,Prince Charming and Bluebeard are the same man.And you don 't get a happy end unless you love both of him.
Didn't you want this? To be loved? Didn't you want him to crown you? Didn't you ask for it? Didn't you ask for it? Didn't you ask for it?
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