It seems that at midnight like this, I finished reading "Sunny Days", then got up after sleeping for an hour and a half, and walked 10 kilometers to the school.
I have always been amazed at the youth in "Sunny Days", I even wondered whether my body would secrete hormones, or if they secreted too much hormones in the movie, but fortunately Ma Xiaojun said that his memory was wrong, otherwise I really I am ashamed that I have spent my youth so wearily.
Ma Xiaojun actually loved a girl so persistently. Maybe we all had such a belief in our hearts, but it disappeared after many years. Think about it, we ourselves have been so obsessed with the love in our hearts, we imagine how great heroes we are in their hearts, how we can make out with them in the afternoon sun.
Xia Yu is a well-chosen actor, and there is always a compelling energy in his body, so that I think every role he plays in the future has the style of that wild Ma Xiaojun, and he has never jumped out of this role.
The director Jiang Wen is not always high-yield, and he has been sharpening his sword for a few years to ensure the high quality of the film. This is Jiang Wen's debut as a director, and the legend is his autobiographical film, obviously: Jiang Wen's original name is Jiang Xiaojun. In this film, Jiang Wen's personal color is indeed very strong, but it does not affect the expression of the film at all. He is not a special case, he is the epitome of the trend of the big society, and even every generation after him and before him can see his own shadow in him. Jiang Wen is my favorite director, there is no one, his domineering can always shock our hearts, blood spurts, adrenaline increases, we can always seek stimulation in his films.
If it weren't for the confusion of Ma Xiaojun's memory later, I don't think I would think how good this movie is. At best, it's just a brutal youth documentary with no connotation. After we watched Ma Xiaojun, played by the actor Xia Yu, climb the chimney, slap other people's bricks, and splash all kinds of bloody behaviors at the birthday party, Ma Xiaojun said that all this may be due to his memory error. He suspected that he had Not so brave, all this may be false. In fact, he is a coward. We are also very stunned. All these heroic bragging turned out to be just a lie.
I want to say, whether we are male or female, we were once Ma Xiaojun.
We always think that we are very brave, and we are not afraid of the sky and the earth. When we play football with our friends and break other people's glass, we always think that we can stand up and take on everything, and be as domineering as a leading big brother. In fact, we always run without thinking. The fastest one.
I remember that every time I made a mistake, I always thought that I would take it all over myself. This kind of mistake is like a medal, it will make my classmates respect you and respect you, but every time the teacher asks me, I Always the one with the deepest head buried, I can't even look at the eyes of my classmates.
In my memory, I am not completely so wretched, there are always so many experiences of coming forward, but they are all blurred, and I can't remember why. The inner cowardice and delusional heroism tear me apart. I always remember that I was a cowardly person. When I was fifteen or sixteen years old, I didn't dare to fall in love, I didn't dare to skip classes, I didn't dare to smoke, drink or watch pornography. In short, I was afraid of everything. Cowardly as a mouse is so unbearable.
The college entrance examination is over, and I graduated. I was always afraid, not so cool. The score is about to come out, I am afraid of shame, I am afraid of disappointing too many people, I am afraid that my mother will compare herself with other children.
I suddenly felt that I had no youth at all. I’m afraid of wolves before and tigers later. I often attribute this to lack of economic independence. I think it’s my over-dependence on material things.
The more afraid you are of losing, the more you will lose. In an ordinary world, there are few daring actions. I regret that my youth is coming to an end, and I have achieved nothing, at least I have not been able to shine through these and those years.
"Perfume" at the end said: "Go to hell to love and be loved." Go to hell to be afraid and be afraid of. The patriarchal system and the college entrance examination system, we are laughing at our own daring to resist, or the so-called compromise after resistance. Ma Xiaojun's mother put all her anger on him, and he lost his former vigour, and his mind became numb; his father slapped him first and then comforted him. After being caught by the artillery station and returning home, he only threw fire at the mirror and attempted to rape Milan... Ma Xiaojun was always cowardly in his heart, which only reflected his unease, desire and fear. These, these, how similar to our youth.
Always comfort myself that my youth is old, and I can catch up in the future. There are too many regrets and imperfections. It's neither exciting nor fresh, it's a little numb to the people and things around it, and it's divided and reconciled, but the chatter after dinner will kill our boring time.
This youth is lonely, I think I can empathize with Ma Xiaojun too much, I rant about why the hell Milan doesn't love Ma Xiaojun, in fact, why no one loves me. Stay away from school to relieve pain, don't want to see show affection, and don't want to see yourself being left out. Friendship doesn't make up for anything. We will only become more aware of our loneliness. Even I feel that I wasted too much time on self-indulgence. Maybe someone will teach us a lesson. At this time, we should work hard to study and learn more. These entanglements are a waste of time, not to mention the college entrance examination results this afternoon. However, this is my adolescence, the hormones that I can't escape, the midnight that I have to struggle with. No one can stop our sadness and hysteria.
Now, no longer in contact with my former classmates and friends, there are always people who say that I am ruthless and unintentional. However, it is too tiring to meet at the party, and some people do not want to see each other. In order to avoid being unhappy, it is better to not see each other together. In these years, there are too many friends and I am tired. I can't be the Ma Xiaojun I imagined, frivolous and unrestrained, but at least I hope I can be happy without going against my will, and at least have a boring and not tiring time, I'm just not brave.
Even if tomorrow is a sunny day, there will still be shadows blocking us, we might as well hide in the shade, the years are always quiet.
The sun is so harsh that I can't see clearly.
2011-6-24 2:08 PM Codewords and revisions completed
McMurphy.
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