hey hello. There are so many things I want to say in my heart, but I don't know how to start. Maybe I'm constrained by too many rules. Or there is too much sense of ceremony, and I feel like laughing a little bit when I write this. I don't know when I've been quietly getting anxiety attacks, but it's not bad it's probably mild. I don't know why I always worry about something, I worry about ghosts when I sleep, I worry about the keys when I go out, and I worry about mistakes when I just finished. Of course, there is a very appropriate word to describe it called unfounded worry. Of course, this word is more derogatory, and I am a disease. I wasn't at all surprised when I learned that I had the disease myself. If it is appropriate to say in a specific point, there is no sense of security at all. Seeing this, I beg you not to think that I am being hypocritical. But I need someone who can pull me out of the dark hole even more. Countless nights the cave was pitch black, I never saw anything, but I could feel the occasional rat passing by, and the crawling earthworm, I was so scared, I had hallucinations, I saw the raccoon take the window away I also saw people I love die in this burrow. They don't care about me, they don't love me anymore. My ankles were chained, and I plunged my palms deep into the dirt, my fingernails full of dirt mixed with blood. I also have a blanket that I wrap myself in the shape of a wizard. In this cave, where there is no light, there is no time. I often pass out, wake up in a trance, I can't feel anything, and my hair has grown very long because of the time. After being in the dark for a long time, I already feel that I have no vision. The hole was too high for me to climb out, so I could only maintain my last bit of consciousness by sticking my palms in the dirt and wrapping the blanket tightly. Countless times, he roared and cursed, grabbed the dirt and threw it away. Tired of the trouble, I still wrapped the blanket tightly. My mother praised me as a quiet, obedient, polite and shy child, and I became a madman here. All kinds of fantasies appeared, all I knew was that I was doomed. Please, save me! The darkness wiped away the last trace of my struggle. I closed my eyes tightly in the dream and cried seriously once. I never knew what I was doing wrong. I was dazed by the huge black hand for no reason. I woke up and heard all kinds of abuse. Leather shoes kicked walls, tables and stools. The sound of the table kicking over and smashing the glass, I fainted again, woke up and couldn't see anything, I groped around with my hands, I found out that it was a hole in the ground, surrounded by mud. I tried to climb out, but I couldn't. After a long time, there was a rustling sound from above, and then something was lifted with a clatter. This is the second time in my life The first time I saw the light was when I was born. They were wearing black masks, I couldn't see what it looked like, they dropped things and closed the door above. The whole process takes less than five seconds. I fumbled. It was a plastic bag with a piece of meat in it, cold and sour. I gulped. But...still very hungry. In a daze, I saw a white angel coming. Holding my hand, I drew a circle of light on my head with my hand, small white wings grew behind me, and I transformed myself into a fitted white robe. Although it is a robe, it fits well. We're about to fly to the big white door. I smiled at him, and he looked at me with a smile in his eyes but no smile at the corners of his mouth. With another clatter, I woke up again. I didn't dare to move, my feet were still sticking out of the blanket. After a while, the upper door closed in panic again. I immediately retracted my legs into the blanket. Time stood still again, and I repeated the dream that the angel took me away, over and over again, and every time I went in, the dream started again. I was drawn with circles of light over my head again and again. Behind me again and again small white wings grow. I put on the robe again and again and smiled at the day angel again and again. Until I felt like I was flying, and then the door above opened again, which I think was about ten days away from the last opening. A small stone was thrown on it, and a boy about my age called me, I wanted to lean over to see it, but I couldn't open my eyes, I don't know what happened, the boy screamed and the door slammed shut again. Lostly, I retracted into the corner and wrapped the blanket tightly. I knew it must be daytime when I could hear the hawks and the clatter of the wheat, and I looked up and saw nothing but black, and above I could hear the owls screeching When the snake crawled through the door above, I knew it was night. I don't know how weak I am. I can see all kinds of things, I see people with feet on them and hands for walking, I see raccoons running towards me and trying to bite me, all I can do is make a hoarse noise and use my hands Cover your face. I suddenly heard the boy above greet me again. I was so confused that I could only say the word water, and then I fainted. After a long time, I heard his voice again, and I saw that he was hanging a basket with a rope. There was a big bowl in the basket, bigger than my face, and I buried my face in the quilt and drank water from the bowl. Making a squeaking sound, at this moment, I am a beast. I don't have human thoughts, conscious feelings, and only fill my stomach, and endless dreams and fantasies. I drank water for a long time, and then retreated to the corner. He promised me that he would bring me something to eat tomorrow. I feel that there is a candle lit in the dark cave at this time, an invisible candle that emits a faint light and may be blown out by the wind at any time. It also sent out a little warmth, I approached with my hand, and I realized that I was lost again. I can't tell which is the reality or the dream. Only when I drink water and make my stomach feel uncomfortable, I know that it is real. I count the time in my heart, the days of hope are always tormented, I feel that the time is longer than before, and at night, the wet and cold underground holes make me very cold. I don't have a single piece of clothing on me, just a pair of short panties, white panties. I didn't take a bath for many days, and it became dark and smelly. But I don't have the strength to smell them. The door opened, and the boy came, dropped the bread, and I crawled over to eat it. He kept talking on it, and I didn't have the heart to listen. Then he got angry and yelled at me. Then slammed the door shut. I retreated to the corner again, and after a while, he came down, he told me to return the bread to him, and explained that he was afraid of being discovered by others. I was indifferent, I was so scared. He just crawled down the rope and tucked bread bigger than our head into the waistband of his trousers. He asked me again, I remembered the angel dream, I remembered the raccoon, I remembered the dead person in the dream. I babbled at him. Finally, I asked him if he was the white angel. He said he was not the white angel. His name was... After some communication, he was also the same grade as me, the same age. He carried me out excitedly, I lay on his back superior. After so many days, or so many years, I finally felt the warmth. I finally heard Mai Lang's voice. I finally felt the heat of the sun, I finally felt the eagle hovering over my head, I finally reached the other side, and I finally entered the door with the angel of the day. It was the happiest day I've ever had and he made me try to open my eyes. When I opened my eyes, it was as if I was reborn. I regained my perception, thinking, and temperature. I saw a boy in orange, he had strong muscles, and I saw scars on my body... We were lying in a bar of wheat and the summer wind was blowing. I also learned him to roll in the bark. That day, I laughed so happily, as if I would never see the twists and turns and sufferings in the future, and I would never have hallucinations again. He's my angel...but always. He's going back, he has to let me go back to the burrow, or else I'll be exposed. "I'm coming" "I promise you come and I'll come" When he carried me back to the burrow, a head appeared on it, which scared me back to the corner immediately. The people above pulled him away... For a long time, I was pulled out of the cave, but it wasn't the boy, and I was moved to another cave. I was washed clean, like a slaughtered cow, and this time, they gave me a white robe. This time, the place where I was locked was no longer a hole in the ground, but a circle, or a firewood house. There's a crack in the wall, and I can't get in and out. The hallucinations appeared again and again, breaking the last line of defense in my heart. The boy came out again, and I was already tortured by hallucinations without a trace of strength. He took my arm and told me that I was going to be killed, I don't know why I was being killed, at this time, I was no different from those lambs to be slaughtered. At this time, I am no longer human, and of course in their eyes, I am not as good as a lamb. I didn't want to die, he helped me, he told me to step on him and climb out of this door. I stepped on his sturdy body and climbed out of the door. I don't know, I stepped on him and climbed to heaven, but sent him to hell with my own hands. Across the door, he told me to run. I longed for freedom, looked at him deeply, and ran hard. I went back to Mailang, it was night, it was cold, and I also felt that something bad was about to happen. In fact, I didn't run far, but I heard loud gunshots. Then there was a scream of pain. I searched and saw a man hugging the boy, apologizing in pain. The man fell to his knees without taking two steps. The boy saw me. Another man, running up to him, growled. Then there was the sound of a helicopter in the sky, and the man wanted to run, but stopped before he took two steps and raised his hands. I remember, he was the one who got me dizzy. straight The lift was about to land, and there was a strong wind. I felt like I was going to be blown away. The boy stretched out his hand, and I also stretched out my hand against the wind. When my hand touched his, I felt his hand was so cold. He smiled at me, and I finally remembered the smile of the white angel in the dream. It turned out that he was the white angel. The wind was blowing, and he smiled at me...
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