In that year, China was still booming in the early 1990s. There were not so many cars on the streets, people would still go to the post office to send letters, neighbors would often stop by, and the biggest entertainment for Chinese people was sitting at home and watching television.
There is a large 29-inch color TV in my living room. I'm not kidding, although it wasn't as big as a computer monitor today, it was really called a big color TV back then. The stations that can be received on TV can be counted with five fingers. The TV channels at night are basically under the control of the parents. Their perseverance in watching TV shows every day is unbelievable, and I am very fortunate that "Growing Pains" is broadcast in the afternoon.
At first, I just watched "Growing Pains" as a simple comedy. Like most audiences of the same age, I like to watch Mike get into trouble, I like to watch Carroll full of confidence but feel sullen, and I like to watch Ben being deceived, I love watching their family look funny and awkward. But looking at it, I suddenly found a problem - no matter what bad things they encounter, they can be properly resolved in the end. In the playful quarrel, the Sifu family became more and more able to understand each other, and their affection became stronger and stronger.
Gradually, I felt that our life was very different from the life of this family in New York, USA, not only the material difference, but also the spiritual difference. The Silver family's ability to handle family relationships and their tolerance towards family members is beyond my family's reach. For example, Mike gets into trouble in almost every episode, but he has never been beaten once. If it were me, I would have been beaten up by my parents.
At that time, I kept thinking, when will Mike be beaten? What is the difference between American parents who beat their children and Chinese parents, will they also be slapped and punched and kicked until they are beaten? In fact, when I saw half of it, I knew that Mike's dad Jason Silver would never do it because he knew - simple and crude methods can't solve children's problems, there must be more correct and more sophisticated methods .
Jason faces three children of different ages in his life - Mike, Carroll and Ben. They will encounter different problems in their growth. Jason will always be like a mentor, giving them the right guidance, so that they can truly understand the problems they encounter, and then find ways to solve them. Most of the parents born in the 1980s in China have only one child. Even if they only have one child, they are too lazy to spend more time solving the child's problems. In other words, it is very likely that they will not be able to solve the problems their children are having, let alone give them the right guidance. The parents of the post-80s generation were born in New China and grew up under the red flag. The state did not teach them tolerance and understanding. They experienced the Great Leap Forward and the vigorous Cultural Revolution, and their simple and rude behavior was buried in the hearts of most people. Therefore, they prefer to treat their children with simple and direct methods. For example, a beating and scolding will increase their memory, but they will not help them analyze what the problem is and how to solve the problem.
So when I slowly learned about Jason's way of doing things, I sighed - it turns out that Dad can still do this.
When Mike made a mistake, even a big mistake, Jason would calm himself down first, then say to his son, "Mike, I want to talk to you." Then a father and son sat together and talked like friends, This moment is not so much a father enlightening his son, but rather two hearts mingling. Over time, the two developed a relationship that was both father and son and friends. This is the most beautiful father-son relationship. In addition to family affection, there are two valuable things that elevate this relationship, which are respect and understanding.
Parents in '90s don't think they should respect their children, let alone understand. They are accustomed to monitoring their children's behavior and prying into their children's privacy, all of which in their eyes are parental rights. Even if it hurts the child's heart, just saying "I'm doing this for your own good" can make all the resistance of the child in vain. But in fact, father and mother are only God-given identities, not God-given authority.
But the parents of the '90s were convinced of this authority and cherished it. It is easy to understand that they need their children to be obedient, but due to their lack of knowledge, cultivation and ability to act, they do not have many ways to drive their children to be obedient. At this time, the authority of parents becomes very precious and very useful.
Can they sit down like Jason Silver and talk to their teenage sons like friends? The answer is no. Because doing so will weaken authority, and why complicate simple things. Can you talk about making your son's memory? Or beating and scolding is directly effective. That was the reality of that era, and the vast majority of children went through the situation.
Because of the existence of this kind of problem, almost no one of our group of children can communicate with their parents. Every day, they always try to deceive and prevaricate their parents in various ways. Their education is also like Tang Seng's long-winded words, and we can't listen to them at all. We are not on the same discourse platform, it is difficult to understand each other, so we contradict each other.
But at the time, I especially wished my dad would say to myself, "Son, I want to talk to you." It meant a lot to me, but it didn't happen for a few years. Until one day, when my dad was angry and disappointed with me and was about to get angry, I said, "Dad, I want to talk to you."
I was in the third year of junior high that year, and I remember that the autumn wind was gentle that day, I was calm like nothing happened. Dad was stunned by what I said. He waited for a long time before he suppressed the fire and gave me a chance to talk. I expressed my feelings and thoughts bit by bit, and also frankly confessed the troubles I encountered, and asked for his forgiveness and help.
Dad's anger gradually dissipated, and he began to talk to me. There was no reprimand from my father, only calm words.
These dozens of minutes of conversation are a magical thing for me, I only talk to my best buddies so heartily, and I never thought it would happen to me and my dad. After the conversation, I understood why Dad was angry and what he wanted me to do; at the same time, he also understood my situation and how I felt. We all find mistakes in ourselves, and we are willing to try to avoid them in the future.
I remember that after the conversation that day, our father and son were in a good mood. He took me to eat mutton and talked about his interesting stories when he went to school and went to the countryside.
From that day on, "I want to talk to you" seems to have turned into a magic phrase. Many problems between people come from not understanding each other, and this sentence is the beginning of solving the problem.
To say one thing that no one may believe, since this conversation, my father never beat me once, not even an angry reprimand. Whenever a problem arises, we choose to sit down and talk like friends. Then calmly identify the problem, take responsibility, and solve the problem. We understood each other more and more, and I respected my father more and more.
When I graduated from college, my father proudly said to his friends at a dinner party, "My son and I are both father and son and friends." They don't want to say such things. The relationship between friends and friends is equal, but the relationship between father and son is not.
But they don't understand that everything is worth it. The father gave up part of the so-called father's authority in exchange for the opportunity to have an equal dialogue with his son, so he got another son who was like a friend and said nothing.
Yes, I got this wonderful father-son relationship, which comes from the heart-to-heart communication between my father and me, and the concessions and sacrifices we are willing to make for each other. And the starting point of all this comes from the sentence "I want to talk to you".
This sentence is the beginning of a real communication, and it is also the iron cone that breaks the ice. For example, bosses who have opinions on you, colleagues who have bad feelings, close friends who have misunderstandings, relatives who do not understand each other, these people need you to talk sincerely. Maybe you'll lose some self-esteem, but you'll gain more when you muster up the courage to do it.
More than 20 years ago, an American dad taught me that serious dads can be friends too. And the equal chat between father and son makes it easier for a naughty teenager like Mike to be taught humbly. The reason is simple - do you prefer the persuasion of your friends or the lessons of your elders?
At that time, I was Mike, a boy who was disobedient but willing to chat with his father. After so many years, my father is really old, and the purpose of chatting with me is no longer to teach me, but to become a need in his life, a kind of dependence on his son.
My role has also changed, I have a daughter of my own. If I was Mike before, I am Jason now. When my daughter grows up a little, I will definitely say that sentence - "Daughter, I want to talk to you." We are already the closest people by blood, so let's work hard, from the heart, from the spirit It also became the closest and most understanding person to each other.
In fact, each of us can do it.
Today, I suddenly picked up a pen to write this film review, in order to miss the just passed away, the actor of Jason Silver, Alan Thicke. He is the greatest father in my heart and always will be.
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