Now I recall that my childhood was nothing more than that gray courtyard, really gray, with a dark alley and a fence gate. I haven't been back since I left there. Is memory untrustworthy? I clearly remember that there is always a stalk of radish sticking out of the fence gate, so what else can we trust? We don't even believe in ourselves. I used to sit in the back room in the yard, or under that window upstairs. My grandmother died when she was 4 years old, I believe I was the first person to see her go elsewhere, my cries attracted adults, and the only time my grandpa hugged me after being self-aware. A person is very lonely, only see deep and shallow sky light in the room. There is a creek at the back of my house, and the adults warned us not to play there. When my childhood friends played truant there, I was just the one who was responsible for telling lies...
I sometimes feel sad and feel like there is nowhere to go, where should I go, I should have a place of my own too , I imagine it is what it can be. Maybe add a friend you like, adults teach us that we should learn to get along with different people, even if he is not what you like, so I gradually forget what kind of person I like.
I should have a place. One day I was overwhelmed by emotions, and when I had nowhere to escape, I could only buy a ticket and sneak away for a two-hour drive home. I should go somewhere, a place like Theresia.
But I kept holding on, nothing could melt me.
I thought I would be an adult in this way, but 20 years later, I would still be the lonely child...
I will always search for the place I want, and I will be farther away from home in the future, and my memories will accumulate. The more I see it, the more I will watch this film. It always helps me clean up that corner of my heart that belongs to the past, constantly...
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