Togo is great
That's why I'm depressed
I used to have that competitive spirit, too, but all the pain and all that wiped me out, and the steady human connection and unconditional praise and recognition that I would never get.
I have been unable to satisfy my grandmother and my mother's painful heart-distorted and abandoned psychological problems,
And my dad's slack and irresponsibility and adapting to constant departures and teachers of various personalities
As well as meeting the expectations and building connections of various teachers.
I'm running out of energy.
I mistakenly thought that I could ignore a broken and troubled family, growing up without parental involvement, a childhood when my parents were divorced, and living in abusive environment, enduring loneliness and abandonment and comforting the so-called adults, saying that I would strive for revenge will be obedient. Constantly being sucked by esfj with a mental disorder. Listen and sympathize with them as they say why other divorced kids are so happy, how hard they are, they are also miserable, why not think about them.
I naively thought that every teacher was my first INFJ to give myself completely. In fact, I was idealized, and I can no longer find the kind of pampering and accommodating me, not just for grades, calm down An optimistic teacher.
At the same time, the teacher's indifference and sense of alienation cannot replace the blood role of parents.
Mistakenly thinking that the teacher itself can replace the family, it is full support for me, and gives me the value that is affirmed because of my existence;
I mistakenly thought that every teacher was more tolerant towards me like the first teacher.
I mistakenly think that I have infinite power to make up for my family and to face changing teachers all the time, constantly adapting to new teachers, establishing with each teacher a teacher who will deeply replace my family, meeting each teacher's expectations, and madly outputting positive energy.
When I looked back and thought calmly, I found that some teachers used me as an atmosphere builder.
It breaks my heart that the teacher enjoys being adored, instructing me to command and control me and completely treating my grades as the completion of my performance.
My confidence and hope were wiped out. I am not the savior, and I cannot and cannot be the one who meets everyone's psychological needs and savior. I can't be perfect in everything and use my grades to prove the meaning of my existence.
I'm always drained of energy that I can't replenish, an extremely unstable connection, depleted.
I've always used my empathy skills regardless of my sexual needs to always find people who are in trouble and need to be rescued. Trying to save and change other people's nature like trying to save their parents is recognized to obtain the meaning of existence, as well as constantly making them happy and satisfying them to be recognized like the first teacher. People need this recognized existence, and this kind of existence. As soon as the recognized existence took advantage of my beginnings, I lost my vitality, lost my vitality in order to survive, and was controlled by others.
I'm exhausted, I think of the always idealistic situation, but there's really no way to change other people, change other people's character experiences and other people's motivations.
In the past, when I was competitive and competitive, I encountered that there was no way to change and there was no meaning of existence. Behind the meaning of existence was nothingness. It was the original family that rescued and tolerated the loopholes before learning to grow up. It was a student who was used as a tool to enjoy It will never be possible to be a teacher of all kinds in the family.
The meaning of my existence was gone, and the things that supported my existence were gone, so I died tragically.
I go to think, try my best to think logically about the reasons, explore human nature, cut myself open with a knife, feel the pain, analyze myself, and uncover the truth. Uncover the true face of yourself and others.
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