Y was the same age as me, came to Beijing to study university like me, and stayed a job after graduation. He was also "late maturity" just like me. Speaking of the various experiences he experienced during the Spring Festival, his tone was calm. He probably faced the pain alone for a long time, but that was all he could do. He talked about the future resettlement of his father-leaving him in his hometown to live alone, receiving a joint rental in Beijing to live in a strange city life, or going back to his hometown to work from scratch? Every choice seems to be wrong.
We seem to have passed that kind of thriving age in a blink of an eye. At that time, most of the news from our friends was love, marriage, and childbirth. Even if we occasionally frustrated feelings and failed to start a business, they were a little bit vigorous and stupid. In the blink of an eye, we have to face old age, sickness, and death. Before he even had time to learn to take a steady and heavy burden, the responsibility itself had collapsed first.
Life suddenly changed its appearance overnight, how to deal with it? In addition to being responsible for others, how do you adjust your own state? Some people have been depressed since then, until time healed, or numb to pain, or abandon the original track, or rely on luck, waiting to meet new people and new things to start a new life. Others are more self-willed, take the initiative to adjust, and try different methods, such as reading, exercising, practicing, seeing a psychologist, writing, and traveling alone.
I am more accustomed to the latter two. The commonality is that you have to face yourself for a long time without obstruction. At the beginning, it’s inevitable to get lumpy and can’t understand each other. Every time I go out on the first day, I feel that I have made a very stupid and boring decision. ——But slowly, when you go deep into it, you will find the joy of gazing at yourself, and even novelty. You may find a side that you have never observed before, or get an unexpected answer when combing through a certain cause and effect. This process of discovery that stems from frankness often ultimately brings confidence and courage.
I recently watched the American movie "Dabbling in the Wilderness" and I remembered this again. Although the story takes place on the other side of the ocean, the experience is no different from what each of us will encounter. The heroine Cheryl could not face her mother's sudden death. Later, she went to take the Pacific Crest Trail (Pacific Crest Trail) and found herself on the 94-day trek. It sounds like chicken soup, but it comes from real experience. In reality, Cheryl also wrote while traveling, and later published a book called "Wild: From Lost to Found on PCT".
The filming is plain and simple. Most of the scenes are where the heroine walks alone on the road. There is no dramatic plot. The setbacks encountered are nothing more than the wrong equipment, the wrong direction, and the encounter with beasts or strangers. Interspersed and supported this journey are a lot of fragmented memories, just like a beginner who just sat down for a minute or two, thinking about everything he could think of, regardless of size. But it is this kind of inescapable face that teaches people how to accept, accept the imperfections of life and their own imperfections. Perhaps it was precisely because of the idea of "Don't force it, you can give up at any time" that Cheryl came to the end, going farther than the professional hikers who were struggling and planning to make a perfect crossing.
The journey itself teaches these. Insufficient food, insufficient drinking water, rainy and snowy weather, and turbulence on the way, these basic difficulties become the biggest obstacles, frustrating you in ever-changing forms. Walking on such a road, you will realize the most basic and important rule of life: Find a way to live. At the same time, it also helps you to get rid of distracting thoughts, rediscover and feel the simplest beauty and happiness: sunrise and sunset, vast starry sky, fragrance of vegetation, the energy and joy brought by a hot meal...
Which philosopher is it? That said, life is better than death, laughter is better than cry, love is better than hate. It sounds like nonsense, which is difficult to practice from time to time.
Cheryl finally chose her mother's lifestyle, always grasping the moment, feeling kindness and beauty. My mother had a bad marriage and was often cursed and beaten by her husband. Later, she ran away with her two young children and lived in a cramped rented house. She was poor in income and living in distress... But none of this became a burden to her, she Always keep a good mood as much as possible, hum and dance at any time. She is always curious, and she entered the same university with her daughter in middle age to learn new things. She taught the children to pluck the leaves of the plants, rub them in their hands, and lower their heads to enjoy the fresh taste. She doesn't even regret that marriage, because it gave her two beloved children. She said, “The sun will rise and set every day. You can choose what you want, and you can also enjoy the beauty.”
Life is limited, and this is helpless. Slowly approaching old age, sickness and death makes people sad. Once I know these things personally, I can't help but ask why, and then I try to find comfort in some kind of answer, and seek a place to settle down. Religion is certainly one of the places that can be sheltered, but for those of us who have not lived in the belief system since we were young, nature itself, life itself, and the present life itself without the afterlife and the previous life is a shelter.
This is something I often think of recently, whether after listening to Y's story, or seeing "Dabbling in the Wilderness". Li Zehou's words always linger in his mind, "Strengthen the face to laugh, live this life, this is truth, goodness, and beauty."
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