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Someone said that loneliness is a garden. Everyone is lonely, lonely all the time. The room was full of people, and everyone was talking, smiling, and chatting. Suddenly, I felt like an alien. The embarrassed smile was frozen on the stiff face, making it seem awkward and out of place. In the final analysis, it is because I have a fundamentally different difference from everyone else, and it is invisibly magnified in my heart as if frozen in the spotlight. Russell always had a loneliness flashing on his face when he attended the party of his straight boyfriend. They are good brothers but in life they are really different. "We've only known each other for two days," he told his friend. Perhaps, he thought that Glen was the same kind and could understand each other because they were in a world that was generally similar in scope. Even if they didn't know each other that well, they could freely talk about their inner taboos.
A certain kind of companionship and attraction of this kind of sympathy is the first affection of love. I often fantasize about being in a strange city, in a strange apartment, with a strange lover. There is music, cigarettes and wine, warm yellow lights, you and me, we can talk about life, ideals, weather, food, other people's affairs, and finally I love you. True love should be free, unfettered, uncompromising, and spontaneous. Perhaps, usually suppressed by ethical inertia, we care more about some vague visions than our own inner feelings. It's like Russell's fear of upsetting his neighbors and being afraid to kiss him in a bar because he's gay. Most people are, confining themselves to the range that ordinary people understand and approve. So I hope that simple and beautiful stories will be released in a place that has no direct connection with me at all, and I will no longer be afraid of strange eyes when I have no acquaintances. When Russell said that he was an orphan who was fostered by a different family until he was sixteen, he said that fortunately no one abused him, he was free in a way, and he didn't have to worry about how he would explain to his family when he came out. Glen is more free and easy. At the age of sixteen, he had a showdown with his mother on Mother's Day and said, "It's all your fault, no matter what it is." At least have the courage.
Love itself is not right or wrong, I want to hold the hand of your lover, whether it is a lifetime or a moment.
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