Stupid gentlemen are really not my thing

[Arthur grabs a poison fountain pen]

Arthur: Can you guess...

[pulls the pen clip back]

Arthur: ... what this is?

Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: I don't have to. Harry showed me. You click it, I die. I thought that brandy tasted a bit shit.

Arthur: Bravo.

Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Valentine won you over, somehow.

Arthur: Once he explained, I understood.

[Flashback to Arthur's meeting with Valentine]

Valentine: When you get a virus, you get a fever. That's the human body raising its core temperature to kill the virus. Planet Earth works the same way: Global warming is the fever, mankind is the virus. We're making our planet sick. A cull is our only hope. If we don't reduce our population ourselves, there's only one of two ways this can go: The host kills the virus, or the virus kills the host. Either way...

[Back to Eggsy and Arthur's conversation]

Arthur: The result is the same: The virus dies.

Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: So Valentine's gonna take care of the population problem himself.

Arthur: Well if we don't do something, nature will. Sometimes, a culling is the only way to ensure that the species survives. And history will see Valentine as the man who saved humanity from extinction.

Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: And he gets to pick and choose who gets culled, does he? All his rich mates, they get to live. And then when he thinks it's worth saving, he keeps them safe, whether they agree with him or not.

Arthur: And you, Eggsy. In Harry's honor, I am inviting you to be part of a new world. It's time to make your decision.

[Long pause]

Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: I'd rather be with Harry. Thanks.

Arthur: So be it.

[Arthur points the fountain pen and engages the poison. After a few seconds, nothing happens to Eggsy. Arthur suddenly convulses]

Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: The problem with us common types is, that we are light-fingered. Kingsman's taught me a lot, but sleight of hand...

[Flashback shows Eggsy swapping glasses while Arthur is not looking]

Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: I had that done already.

Arthur: You dirty... little fucking prick...

[Arthur slumps to his death. Eggsy then takes the pen and cuts open the scar behind Arthur's ear to extract the transponder]

[Valentine notices the people in the party room looking gloomy]

Valentine: The fuck's wrong with them?

Gazelle: I don't know. Could be something to do with the mass genocide.

Valentine: Give me the mic.

[Gazelle hands Valentine a microphone. Valentine stands up]

Valentine: Hey all! Everybody listen up! What the fuck is wrong with you people? I just want to remind you all that today is a day of celebration. We must put aside all thoughts of death, and focus on birth. The birth of a new age. We mustn't mourn the ones who give their lives today. We should honor their sacrifice, and their role in saving the human race. We must put aside doubts and guilt. You are the chosen people. When folks tell their kids the story about Noah's Ark, is Noah the bad guy?

[Crowd says no]

Valentine: Is God the bad guy?

[Crowd says no]

Valentine: How about the animals marching two by two?

[Crowd says no]

Valentine: Of course not! Yeah, that's it! Let's turn those frowns upside down. Eat, drink, and paaaaarty!