[from trailer]

Larry: [seeing Bill and Everette sleeping together] What in the name of Siegfried and Roy are you fellas doing?

Bill Little: Don't ask

Everette: Don't tell
Larry: We are in the most dangerous city in the world, except maybe for Detroit.
[after learning they're not in Iraq]

Everette: Are we in France?
Larry: [when Everette wakes up wearing a dress] Everette, that's another reason you shouldn't drink tequilla.

Everette: [sees the dress] Damn, this always happens when I eat the worm.
Bill Little: One man's international incident is another man's preemptive strike in the war on terror.
Everette: [after a supposedly dead donkey comes back to live] Iraq, it's a land of miracles.
[on Everette's interrogation suit]

Larry: You look like a retarded Chewbacca.
Bill Little: Forget it, I've got a wife and kids to think about.

Larry: And if Connie and the boys were living in a place like this, would you leave them?
Larry: You know what the army says, "Be all you can be."

Bill Little: Hey! He got it right!
Larry: A couple days ago I had more problems than a cub scout at the Neverland Ranch.
[repeated line]

Sgt. Kilgore: I'm gonna kill you pissants!
Larry: I'm too fat for this shit.
Karen: It's not your baby.

Larry: I don't understand.

Woman at Cowboy Frank's: It means she's got a bun in her oven that ain't your recipe. Now, is the salad bar still free though?

Larry: Why would you care? Doesn't look like you've had a salad all your life.
Victor: [to Everett] Oh, and keep your eyes open. Some drunk has been exposing himself to the waitresses at the Denny's across the street. The last time the crazy bastard was carrying a samurai sword.
Sgt. Kilgore: Now, Larry, I'm appointing you as acting Squad Leader. Don't get too excited. You beat out a mongoloid and a candy-ass.

Everette: [to Bill] He called you a candy-ass.
Carlos Santana: I'm the real Carlos Santana! Man of courage, honor. The leader of men! That other guy, he is just a guitar player.

Rufus: Yeah, well, I think you both suck.

Carlos Santana: [shoots Rufus in the nose]

Amazing Ken: You shot Rufus!

Carlos Santana: I was aiming for the Amazing Ken.
Larry: Man, look at the size of that son of a bitch. He would of ripped you a...

Sgt. Kilgore: Get me loose! I hate Sonny and Cher.
Sgt. Kilgore: Get your candy-asses on the plane!

[Everette stands there as the others get on the plane]

Sgt. Kilgore: You deaf! Did you hear me boy?

Everette: Yes, Sir, but I'm a mongoloid.

Sgt. Kilgore: Get on the plane!
Everette: One shot, one kill. Get some!
Larry: [seeing Bill and Everette sleeping together] What in the name of Siegfried and Roy are you fellas doing?

Bill Little: Don't ask.

Everette: Don't tell.
Carlos Santana: I think Ruben likes you

Bill Little: It just seems odd that a man of your stature would embrace alternative lifestyles amongst his men.

Carlos Santana: You can"t fire someone because they"re gay!

Carlos Santana: That"s discrimination!

Carlos Santana: You can get sued for that, eh?

Carlos Santana: Besides, he"s my nephew.

Carlos Santana: You can"t choose your familia.

Carlos Santana: So, he"s here, he"s queer. Get used to it.