Harold: What were you fighting for?

Maude: Oh, big issues. Liberty. Rights. Justice. Kings died, kingdoms fell. I don't regret the kingdoms - what sense in borders and nations and patriotism? But I miss the kings.
Maude: I should like to change into a sunflower most of all. They're so tall and simple. What flower would you like to be?

Harold: I don't know. One of these, maybe.

Maude: Why do you say that?

Harold: Because they're all alike.

Maude: Oooh, but they're *not*. Look. See, some are smaller, some are fatter, some grow to the left, some to the right, some even have lost some petals. All *kinds* of observable differences. You see, Harold, I feel that much of the world's sorrow comes from people who are *this*,

[she points to a daisy]

Maude: yet allow themselves be treated as *that*.

[she gestures to a field of daisies]

Maude: [cut to a shot of a field of gravestones in a military cemetery]
Harold: I like you, Maude.

Maude: I like you, Harold.
Maude: A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead, really. They're just backing away from life. *Reach* out. Take a *chance*. Get *hurt* even. But play as well as you can. Go team, go! Give me an L. Give me an I. Give me a V. Give me an E. L-I-V-E. LIVE! Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room.
Psychiatrist: Tell me, Harold, how many of these, eh, *suicides* have you performed?

Harold: An accurate number would be difficult to gauge.

Psychiatrist: Well, just give me a rough estimate.

Harold: A rough estimate? I'd say

[savoring the thought]

Harold: fifteen.

Psychiatrist: Fifteen?

Harold: That's a rough estimate.

Psychiatrist: Were they all done for your mother's benefit?

Harold: No. No, I would not say "benefit."
[seagulls fly across the sky]

Maude: Dreyfus once wrote from Devil's Island that he would see the most glorious birds. Many years later in Brittany he realized they had only been seagulls... For me they will always be - *glorious* birds.
Harold: You sure have a way with people.

Maude: Well, they're my species!
Harold: Do you... *enjoy*... knives?
Harold: Maude.

Maude: Hmm?

Harold: Do you pray?

Maude: Pray? No. I communicate.

Harold: With God?

Maude: With *life*.
Maude: Vice, Virtue. It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much *life.* Aim above morality. If you apply that to life, then you're bound to live life fully.
Maude: Harold, *everyone* has the right to make an ass out of themselves. You just can't let the world judge you too much.
Maude: You know, at one time, I used to break into pet shops to liberate the canaries. But I decided that was an idea way before its time. Zoos are full, prisons are overflowing... oh my, how the world still *dearly* loves a *cage.*
Maude: Tell me, do you dance?

Harold: Pardon me?

Maude: Do you sing and dance?

Harold: Uh, no.

Maude: Uh, no. I thought not.

[laughs]
Harold: You hop in any car you want and just drive off?

Maude: Well, not any car - I like to keep a variety. I'm always looking for the new experience.

Harold: [smiling] Maybe.

Harold: [more seriously] Nevertheless, I think you're upsetting people. I don't know if that's right.

Maude: Well, if some people get upset because they feel they have a hold on some things, I'm merely acting as a gentle reminder: here today, gone tomorrow, so don't get attached to things *now.* With *that* in mind, I'm not against collecting stuff.
Maude: [gesturing to a sick tree growing through a sidewalk] Harold, we have *got* to do something about this life.

Harold: What?

Maude: We'll transplant it. To the forest.

Harold: You can't do that.

Maude: Why not?

Harold: This is public property.

Maude: Well, *exactly*.
Maude: [to a motorcycle officer] *Don't* get officious. You're not yourself when you're officious - That is the curse of a government job.
Maude: Grab the shovel, Harold.
[last lines]

Maude: Oh, Harold... That's *wonderful.* Go and love some more.
Psychiatrist: That's very interesting, Harold, and I think, very illuminating. There seems to be a definite pattern emerging. And, of course, this pattern, once isolated, can be coped with. Recognize the problem, and you are halfway on the road to its, uh, its solution. Uh, tell me, Harold, what do you do for fun? What activity gives you a different sense of enjoyment from the others? Uh, what do you find fulfilling? What gives you that... special satisfaction?

Harold: ...I go to funerals.
Maude: The earth is my body; my head is in the stars.

[pauses]

Maude: Who said that, Harold?

Harold: I don't know.

Maude: Well, I suppose I did, then.
Priest: I would be remiss in my duty, if I did not tell you, that the idea of... intercourse - the fact of your firm, young... body... commingling with the... withered flesh... sagging breasts... and flabby b-b-buttocks... makes me want... to vomit.
Harold: Maude?

Maude: Yeah?

Harold: [pulls the stamped coin from the arcade out of his pocket] Here.

Maude: A gift!

[reads the engraving]

Maude: "Harold loves Maude."... and Maude loves Harold. This is the nicest gift I've received in years.

[she throws the stamped coin into the water]

Harold: [gasps, bemused]

Maude: So I'll always know where it is.
Maude: [at her 80th birthday party] I couldn't imagine a lovelier farewell!

Harold: Farewell?

Maude: Oh, yes, dear... My 80th birthday.

Harold: But you're not going anywhere... are you?

Maude: [long pause] I took the tablets an hour ago. I'll be gone by midnight.

Harold: [after a long pause] WHAT?

[immediately cut to an ambulance]
[first lines]

Mrs. Chasen: [after spotting Harold hanging from a noose in the living room] I suppose you think that's very funny, Harold... Oh, dinner at eight, Harold. And do try and be a little more vivacious.
Harold: [referring to police officer] He's following us.

Maude: Is he? Police always want to play games!
Harold: I haven't lived. I've died a few times.
[Harold and Sunshine are laying on the floor covered in fake blood from Harold's knife]

Mrs. Chasen: [shocked] Harold!... That was your last date!
Maude: [Maude is driving Harold's hearse through a cemetery] Hey, this old thing handles well! Ever drive a hearse Harold?

Harold: Yeah.

Maude: Well! It's a new experience for me!

[the hearse is seen squealing through a curve]

Maude: Good on curves! Shall I take you home Harold?

Harold: Uh, this is my car.

Maude: [looks at Harold] YOUR hearse?

Harold: Y'hearse!

Maude: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!

[the hearse is seen screeching to a stop]

Maude: Then YOU shall take ME home!
Motorcycle Officer: License, lady?

Maude: I don't have one. I don't believe in them.

Motorcycle Officer: How long you been driving, lady?

Maude: About 45 minutes,

[turning to Harold]

Maude: wouldn't you say, Harold? We were hoping to start sooner but you see it's rather hard to find a truck.

Motorcycle Officer: This your truck?

Maude: Oh no, I just took it.
Maude: [watching funeral party] Who sends dead flowers to a funeral? It's absurd.
Maude: [observing trash sorting operation] I ask you though Harold, is it enough?
Uncle Victor: [attempting to interest Harold in military service] Now, why in hell did we give up on the Germans? Since the damn politicians chalked them up on our side, the wars ever since have been a national disgrace. Hell, look at history - the two best wars we ever fought were against the Jerries. I say get the Krauts on the other side where they belong. Let's have an enemy worth killing and a war this country can support.
Harold: [non-sequitur to hawkish uncle] During war time, the national suicide rate goes down.
Maude: Consistency is not *really* a human trait.
Harold: So... you don't use the umbrella anymore?

[Maude does not hear him]

Harold: No more revolts?

Maude: [Maude is crying, and finally looks at Harold] Oh, yes! Every day. But I don't need a *defense* anymore. I embrace! Still fighting for the Big Issues, but now in my small, individual way.
Harold: [Becomes louder] She took my head... She took my head! I'LL KILL HER!
Mrs. Chasen: She provides the *whole* southwest with chicken feed!
Maude: [Upon entering her house] It's all memorabilia, but incidental and not integral, if you know what I mean.
Maude: That was fun! Let's play something together.

Harold: I don't play anything.

Maude: Nothing? Dear me, everybody should be able to make some music. That's the cosmic dance.
Psychiatrist: A very common neurosis; particularly in this society, whereby the male child subconsciously wishes to sleep with his mother. Of course what puzzles me, Harold; is that you want to sleep with your grandmother.
Uncle Victor: Well, what do you say, Harold? Ahh, it's a great life. There's action, adventure, advising; and you'll get a chance to see the war firsthand. And there are plenty of slant-eyed girls. Why it'll make a man out of you, Harold. You'll travel the world, put on a uniform and take on a man's job. You'll walk tall, with a glint in your eye, and a spring in your step, and the knowledge in your heart that you are working for peace... and are serving your country. Just like Nathan Hale. Now that's what this country needs - more Nathan Hales.
Maude: Vice, virtue, it's best not to be too moral; you cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. When you apply that to life, then you're bound to live it fully!
Mrs. Chasen: Harold's father had a similar sense of the absurd. I remember once in Paris he just stepped out for cigarettes and the next I knew he was arrested by the police for floating nude down the Seine - experimenting in river currents with rubber water wings.
Mrs. Chasen: Harold, I only have a few minutes, dear, and I want to inform you of my decision. You have led a very carefree, idle, happy life up to the present, the life of a child. But it is time now to put away childish things and take on adult responsibilities. Oh, we'd all like to sail through life with no thought of tomorrow but that cannot be. We have our duties, our obligations, our principles. In short, Harold, I think it is time for you to get married.
Maude: What is your name?

Harold: Harold, Harold Chasen.

Maude: Oh, how do you do? I'm Dame Marjorie Chardin but you may call me Maude.

Harold: How do you do? Nice to meet you.

Maude: Well, thank you. I think we're gonna be great friends. Don't you?
Mrs. Chasen: I have here, Harold, the forms sent out by the National Computer Dating Service. They screen out the fat and the ugly, so it is obviously a firm of high standards. First, here is the personality interview, which you are to fill out and return. Now then, are you ready, Harold? Here is the first question. "Are you uncomfortable meeting new people?" Well, I think that's a yes, don't you agree, Harold? "Should sex education be taught outside the home?" Oh, I would say no, wouldn't you, Harold? Yeah, we'll give a D there. Three. "Should women run for president of the United States?" I don't see why not. Absolutely yes. "Do you remember jokes and take pleasure in relating them to others?" Well, you don't do that, do you, Harold? No. Absolutely not. "Do you often get the feeling that perhaps life isn't worth living?" What do you think, Harold? A? B? Oh, we'll put down C - not sure. "Is the subject of sex being overexploited by our mass media?" Well, that would have to be yes, wouldn't it? "Is it difficult for you to accept criticism?" No. We'll mark D. "Do you sometimes have headaches or backaches after a difficult day?" Yes, I do indeed. "Do you go to sleep easily?" I'd say so. "Do you believe in capital punishment for murder?" Oh, yes, I do indeed. "In your opinion, are social affairs usually a waste of time?" Heavens, no! "Can God influence our lives?" Yes, absolutely yes. "Does your personal religion or philosophy include a life after death?" Oh, yes, indeed. That's ab-so-lutely. "Did you enjoy life when you were a child?" Oh, yes, you were a wonderful baby, Harold. "Do you think the sexual revolution has gone too far?" It certainly has. "Do you find the idea of wife-swapping distasteful?" I even find the question distasteful.
Mrs. Chasen: "Do you have ups and downs without obvious reason?" That's you, Harold!
Maude: Please sit down, Harold. I'll put the kettle on. We'll have a nice, hot cup of tea.

Harold: Thank you but I really have to go.

Maude: But it's oat straw tea! You've not had oat straw tea, have you?
Harold: Do you often model for Glaucus?

Maude: Oh, heavens, no! I don't have the time but I like to keep in practice and poor Glaucus occasionally needs his memory refreshed as to the contours of the female form. Do you disapprove?
Maude: I wanna show you my painting. This is "The Rape Of Rome." Over in the corner is "Leda And The Swan", a self-portrait.
Maude: Stroke... palm... caress... explore.
Harold: This is definitely a new experience for me.

Maude: Oh, wonderful! Try something new each day. After all, we're given life to find it out. It doesn't last forever.
Maude: Tell me about yourself. What do you do when you aren't visiting funerals?
Maude: I like to watch things grow. They - grow and bloom and fade and die and change into something else. Ah, life!
Maude: [singing] Sing out, sing out, And if you want to be free, be free, 'Cause there's a million things to be, You know that there are, And if you want to be high, be high, And if you want to be low, be low, 'Cause there's a million ways to go, You know that there are...
Maude: Isn't it wonderful! All around us, living things.
Uncle Victor: Let's examine the facts on it. I say this country has been too harsh on its outright condemnation of war. I say you can point to the many material advantages brought about by a crisis and conflict policy. Why, Hell, World War II gave us the ballpoint pen!
Harold: I had the most wonderful day today - and - you're very beautiful.

Maude: Oh, Harold - you make me feel like a schoolgirl.
Harold: Would you like a cigarette?

Sunshine Doré: No, thank you. They stain my fingers.
Harold: Is Sunshine your real name?

Sunshine Doré: Well, actually it was the name of my drama teacher, Louis Sunshine. Perhaps you've heard of him? He was such an influence on the development of my instrument. That means my body in theatre talk.

Harold and Maude Quotes

Extended Reading

Harold and Maude short comments

Jace 2022-03-27 09:01:09

It used to be a long-term relationship, but now it is popular with sister and brother love. This movie should be more precisely the love of the grandson and grandson, and everything is so natural, which makes people feel moved.
Jacklyn 2022-03-21 09:02:11

This kind of him meets that kind of her, and only this kind of him meets that kind of her, and there will be such an intoxicating love story.