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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: I hate California, I want to go to the east coast. I want to go where culture is like, New York, or Connecticut or New Hampshire.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: I found when it happened that I really like dry humping more.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: People go by the names their parents give them, but they don't believe in God.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Hey.
[pause]
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: I like your band. With Jonah Ruiz? L'Enfance Nue?
Kyle Scheible: [in french accent] L'Enfance Nue.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Uh. Well, I saw your Thanksgiving show. My name's Lady Bird.
Kyle Scheible: It's weird you shake hands.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Yeah.
[pause]
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: I'm friends with Jenna and she's always talking about how great your band is so I wanted to check it out.
Kyle Scheible: Yeah, Jenna's hella tight.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Yeah.
Kyle Scheible: Maybe I'll see you at the Deuce or something?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Sure, see you at the Deuce.
Miguel McPherson: Hey, I'm not paying you to flirt.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: [exhales] I wasn't flirting.
Kyle Scheible: I wish you had been.
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Larry McPherson: You're not gonna get in a car with a guy that honks, are ya?
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Different things can be sad... it's not all war!
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Sister Sarah Joan: You clearly love Sacramento.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: I do?
Sister Sarah Joan: You write about Sacramento so affectionately and with such care.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: I was just describing it.
Sister Sarah Joan: Well it comes across as love.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Sure, I guess I pay attention.
Sister Sarah Joan: Don't you think maybe they are the same thing? Love and attention?
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Julie Steffans: You can't do anything unless you're the center of attention!
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Kyle Scheible: You're gonna have so much unspecial sex in your life.
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Marion McPherson: I want you to be the very best version of yourself that you can be.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: What if this is the best version?
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: The only thing exciting about 2002 is that it's a palindrome.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Just because something looks ugly doesn't mean that it's morally wrong.
Casey Kelly: You think dead children aren't morally wrong?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: No. I'm just saying that, if you took up close pictures of my vagina while I was on my period, it would be disturbing but it doesn't make it wrong.
Casey Kelly: Excuse me?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Listen, if your mother had had the abortion, we wouldn't have to sit through this stupid assembly!
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: I was on top! Who the fuck is on top their first time!
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Marion McPherson: If you're tired, we can sit down.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: I'm not tired.
Marion McPherson: Oh, okay. I just couldn't tell because you were dragging your feet.
Marion McPherson: [Lady Bird rolls her eyes] Well, I just couldn't tell.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Why didn't you just say "pick up your feet"?
Marion McPherson: I didn't know if you were tired.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: You're being passive aggressive.
Marion McPherson: No, I wasn't.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: You are SO INFURIATING!
Marion McPherson: Please stop yelling.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: I'm not yelling.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: [Marion picks out a pink dress] Oh, it's perfect!
Marion McPherson: Do you love it?
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Why can't you say I look nice?
Marion McPherson: I thought you didn't even care what I think.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: I still want you to think I look good.
Marion McPherson: Okay, I'm sorry. I was telling you the truth, do you want me to lie?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: No, I mean, I just, I wish that you liked me.
Marion McPherson: Of course I love you.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: But do you like me?
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Danny O'Neill: Your mom is crazy, I'm scared of her.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: She's not crazy she just, you know, she has a big heart. She's very warm.
Danny O'Neill: I don't find your mother warm.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: You don't?
Danny O'Neill: No. No, she's warm, yeah but she's also kind of scary.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Well you can't be scary and warm.
Danny O'Neill: I think you can, your mom is.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: You're gay!
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Julie Steffans: Miss Patty assigned you a role by the way, you just never showed up to claim it.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: What role ?
Julie Steffans: The Tempest.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: There is no role of the Tempest!
Julie Steffans: It is the titular role!
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: No! It's a made-up thing so we all can participate.
Julie Steffans: You can't do anything unless you're the center of attention, can you!
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Yeah, well you know, your mom's tits, they're fake! Totally fake!
Julie Steffans: She made one bad decision at 19!
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Two bad decisions!
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: The only exciting thing about 2002 is that it's a palindrome.
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Parish Priest: We're afraid that we will never escape our past. We're afraid of what the future will bring. We're afraid we won't be loved, we won't be liked. And we won't succeed.
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Larry McPherson: Hey, I'm like Keith Richards. I'm just happy to be anywhere.
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Diana Greenway: I heard that before he became a priest, he was married, and had a son named Etienne, who died at 17 of a drug overdose, which maybe was a suicide. But my mom says same difference, if you're that careless with your life.
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Sister Sarah Joan: Six inches for the Holy Spirit.
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Marion McPherson: Money is not life's report card. Being successful doesn't mean anything in and of itself. It just means that you're successful. But that doesn't mean that you're happy.
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Julie Steffans: Some people aren't built happy, you know.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Are you and Mom gonna get a divorce over this?
Larry McPherson: No. We can't afford to.
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Julie Steffans: What about terrorism?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Don't be republican.
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Julie Steffans: some people aren't built happy, you know
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[last lines]
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Hi Mom and Dad, it's me, Christine. It's the name you gave me. It's a good one. Dad, this is more for Mom. Hey, Mom, did you feel emotional the first time that you drove in Sacramento? I did and I wanted to tell you, but we weren't really talking when it happened. All those bends I've known my whole life, and stores, and the whole thing. But I wanted to tell you I love you. Thank you, I'm... thank you.
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Kyle Scheible: What you do is very baller. You're very anarchist.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Yeah. Fuck'em.
Kyle Scheible: Don't worry, I'm not gonna snitch on you.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Well, I hope not 'cause I'd fucking kill your family.
Kyle Scheible: What?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Sorry. I... that was an exaggeration.
Kyle Scheible: It's okay. My dad has cancer, so I guess God's doing that for us.
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Marion McPherson: We don't need to buy that.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: It's only three dollars. I'm having a hard week.
Marion McPherson: Well, if you wanna read it, we can go down to the public library.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: I wanna read it in bed.
Marion McPherson: That's something that rich people do. We're not rich people.
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Sister Sarah Joan: Some of the students were disturbed by your posters.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: It's just a bird head in a lady body, or vice versa.
Sister Sarah Joan: I think it's a little upsetting.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: It's my tradition to run for office. Don't worry. I won't win.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: I just don't get why I'm not good at math. My dad is really good at math. Even Miguel has a math degree.
Julie Steffans: Maybe it's your mom's fault.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: You know, you can touch my boobs, right?
Danny O'Neill: I know. It's just that I respect you too much for that.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Cool. Awesome. I totally get that. Thank you.
Danny O'Neill: You're welcome.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: If you had boobs, I wouldn't touch them either.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: If Danny and I get married and then his grandma died, I'd inherit the dream house.
Julie Steffans: Wouldn't his parents get it?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Oh yeah, we'd have to kill them. And we'd have to kill his older brothers too.
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[Lady bird is angry with Kyle]
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Are we still going to prom together?
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NYC Nurse: What do you want us to do? She's drunk.
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Kyle Scheible: I didn't lose my virginity to you.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Wait, what?
Kyle Scheible: I lost my virginity to Cassie Duvall
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Excuse me? You said you were a virgin
Kyle Scheible: No I didn't. Cause I'm not. And I haven't lied in 2 years
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Uh, Its my parents number.
Kyle Scheible: You don't have a cellphone?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: No
Kyle Scheible: Good girl. The government didn't have to put tracking devices on us. We bought them and put them on ourselves.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: I don't own a tracking device
Kyle Scheible: No, no, no. The cellphones. You see?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Wow
Kyle Scheible: Yeah I know. I mean, you'll have one eventually. Everyones gonna have one. And then, it'll be a matter of time.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Before what?
Kyle Scheible: Before they out them in our brains.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: It's normal to not touch a penis
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Title Card: Anyone who talks about California hedonism has never spent a Christmas in Sacramento. -Joan Didion
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[first lines]
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: [while doing house chores] Do you think I look like I'm from Sacramento?
Marion McPherson: You are from Sacramento.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: You don't have to do that.
Marion McPherson: Well it's nice to make things neat and clean. You ready to go home?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Ready.
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Guidance Counselor: So I understand you're not interested in any Catholic colleges?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: No way. Sorry, but yes, no way.
Guidance Counselor: Then you'll be applying to UCs and State schools?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Yeah, but also those East Coast liberal arts schools. Like Yale, but not Yale because I probably couldn't get in.
Guidance Counselor: [laughs inappropriately] You definitely couldn't get in. Part of my job is to help you be realistic.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Yeah. That seems like everyone's job.
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Father Leviatch: Lady Bird. Is that your given name?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Yeah.
Father Leviatch: Why is it in quotes?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Well, I gave it to myself. It's given to me, by me.
Lady Bird Quotes
Extended Reading
