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When I finished watching the film "Tully", I was stunned for a few seconds, why is it gone? It feels like it's over halfway through the show, what about later?
A good movie is like this, there is no ending, the ending is in your heart.
The heroine in the film is called Marlowe. She has two children and is pregnant with a child, who is about to give birth. One of the children, Jonah, is very emotional and prone to tantrums. Marlow needs to brush his body every day to help Jonah reduce his sensitivity to the surrounding environment. She has a big belly every day and takes care of two more children. It can be seen that she is struggling to cope with everything.
Later, the third child, Mia, was born. Originally, the birth of Mia should have been a fortunate event, but in Marlowe's eyes, it was full of bloodshot eyes, full of exhaustion, and even some disgust, and there was no joy in sight. Because of financial distress and distrust of others, they did not hire a nanny. Mia's night care was all by Marlow alone, and she also took care of two children during the day.
You may ask, what about her husband? What we saw was her husband, who would go to work after kissing Marlowe during the day, sometimes go on business trips, and come back at night to sit in bed and play games.
And Marlowe was bloated after giving birth, eating frozen pizza hot in the microwave, expressing milk on the left and right of his chest with two breast pumps, and then storing the milk in bags in the refrigerator. Every day.
Her whole life was filled with children, she had almost no time to sleep, and she was extremely exhausted. She couldn't take it anymore, so she hired Tully, a night nanny.
Tully would take care of Mia at night, give Marlow a good night's sleep, help Mano clean up the room, and even make cupcakes for Jonah, making Marlow a lot more relaxed. Tully gave Marlowe the feeling that she was not only a night nanny, but also a spiritual companion who accompanied her through the most depressive and lowest times.
But happy times are too short. Tully is leaving because she's just helping Marlowe through this difficult time, and Marlowe feels sad when they get into a car accident on their way home after drinking. Marlow was taken to the hospital. The doctor asked her husband about his mental illness. The husband found nothing wrong. He told the nurse that Marlow's family name was Tully.
It turned out that there was no Tully. Everything about Tully came from Marlowe's mind. Tully was Marlowe when he was young. The story is over.
What we see is that Marlowe is giving too much to the family and that all her living space and time is taken up by children. Tired and helpless. She can't count on her husband, she can only rely on herself.
In fact, what this film conveys to us is that no one can redeem anyone, only oneself can redeem oneself and give oneself freedom.
When a woman becomes a mother, everyone only remembers that she is a mother, and even she only remembers her role as a mother, but forgets that she is a woman first and has her own space, time, and hobbies.
Mothers often revolve around work at work, and around their children after get off work. When they step into a scene, they become a character. They are constantly busy and exhausted.
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We also listened to Yao Chen's story about his body sagging and sagging after pregnancy, he started to gain weight, lost his hair and couldn't remember things, and his interpersonal relationships were separated, and it was difficult to survive. In the golden period of your career, you have to take care of your children, how to get rid of it?
Yao Chen said at the end, " Because of my hard work, I have the right to choose, and it is because of being a mother that I understand the meaning of life. " She believes that choosing what you can bear, bear what you choose.
Like Yao Chen, many of our mothers are very helpless, because they want to make their own careers, and because they want to take care of their children, they must take care of both.
How can we live the life we want in our family and career? All this, can not rely on others, only rely on themselves. The question is how to do it?
You must know that you are tired, you are down, you are depressed, and you cannot give your children any love at this time. Psychotherapist and family therapist Satya once said, " Please love yourself before you love me, love me and yourself, if you don't love yourself, you can't love me, that's love. because you can't give what you don't have, your love can only flow to me through you, and if you're dry, I can't be nourished by you. "
So when you want to love your children, please take care of yourself first, please love yourself first, how can you love yourself?
In my Positive Discipline classes, I have asked the parents of my students. Some mothers answered to go eat something, listen to music, watch a movie, chat with girlfriends and so on. Yes, this way we are taking care of our emotions. The way to love yourself, in addition to taking care of your emotions, also requires a deeper awareness of yourself, to understand yourself, and to live out yourself .
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How do you truly love yourself?
Some people say, isn't it selfish to love yourself? Loving yourself is not selfishness, loving yourself is satisfying yourself, and selfishness is asking for love from others and letting others satisfy you. The more we love ourselves, the more we can accept and tolerate ourselves and others.
Loving yourself is not narcissism. Narcissism is overvaluing yourself. Loving yourself is being able to face yourself and give yourself strength. Satya uses the self-loop to illustrate the concept of self, and we can also love ourselves from these eight directions.
Dimension of the body : Many mothers take good care of themselves after giving birth, whether it is yoga, swimming, dancing, some mothers start practicing yoga during pregnancy and take good care of their bodies.
I have seen many mothers with flat abdomens, insist on exercising, and the whole body is very tall and straight. Even when they are looking at the mobile phone, they can change it to put the mobile phone directly in front of their eyes and keep the eye level. The purpose is to prevent the cervical spine from being oppressed and take care of every corner of the body meticulously.
The dimension of intelligence : It is more about the left brain, reasoning, and thinking. We need to make ourselves think more, read more, analyze problems more rationally, do more logical reasoning, and make ourselves wiser. Sometimes we focus only on feeling and little on rational thinking. So I tend to get caught up in little things, and I often feel irritable.
If we can think more strategically in the overall framework and overall situation, then our life pattern will be more open. How to think more intellectually? Still answer that sentence, read more, see more experts, and practice more.
Emotional dimension : Your emotions are joy, anger, and fear. There are nine out of ten unsatisfactory things in life. Life is painful. Most of the time you will feel negative emotions, but emotions are flowing. Since they are flowing, they can flow away. Just watch it, accept it, let it flow away, and take care of it.
Therefore, you can be angry or lose your temper without blindly ignoring and suppressing. When you have emotions, you must remember: you, only you, are responsible for your emotions.
Sensory latitude: We need to distinguish between feeling and emotion. The sense here is more of a sensory experience, such as hearing, sight, smell, taste and so on. What we often do is to see and listen, but more we need to develop the wonderfulness of our other sensory worlds, such as our sense of touch, smell, and motion. We need to receive more real information on these sensory channels, To experience the small changes in this world, to enrich the inner world.
Interaction dimension: The interaction dimension is the interaction with people. Professor Robert Waldinger of Harvard University, through the results of a 75-year longitudinal follow-up study, found that the most important factors for a good life are not wealth and success, but good physical and mental health and warm, harmonious and intimate relationships.
So in addition to physical health, the intimacy and harmony of relationships is the most important indicator of our happiness, so people who are more connected to family, friends and people around them are happier. And it's not that the more friends you have, the better, but in a stable intimate relationship, quality is very important, so we have to learn to manage intimacy.
Nutritional dimension: Our body absorbs good nutrition, and it will be converted into good energy for us to use. If you love yourself, you will give your body the food your body needs, a suitable and reasonable diet. When you eat healthy, your The state of the body is also healthy.
Environmental dimension: We are all environmental animals, and the environment affects you to a large extent. In "Tipping Point", the law of environmental power is mentioned, that is, we are deeply influenced by our surrounding environment and surrounding personality. Just as we provide children with good educational resources, we also hope that a good environment will affect the child's character and behavior, so that the child's entire inner motivation will become better, and the environment is powerful.
Spirituality Level: Spirituality is our life force, it speaks of the meaning of our life, spirituality, spirit and life force. Spirituality can be a bit cryptic, so let's start by being aware of how we feel. When we become aware of ourselves, that is when we begin a dialogue with our potential selves.
Humanist Jung once said: "Your subconscious leads your life, and you call it destiny." In fact, many of your habits are just your subconscious, your unconscious subconscious behavior, you are very It's hard to notice it, but once you notice it you can change. Can the subconscious be aware of it? Can.
Jung also said, "When your subconscious is revealed, your destiny is changed." So, being constantly aware is the beginning of our awakening of the inner spiritual level, and you will feel a change in anything, not outward. Instead, look inward, to find your true sense of worth and belonging, to find the meaning of your existence, to find the core of your life.
Eight dimensions of awareness and experience to help us find ourselves. Take courage and look within. What will happen after insisting, the answer is in the wind.
Finally, I want to use the inscription on the cover of the Chinese version of the novel "Fall of the Giants" to share with everyone: "The world belongs to the brave, so the world belongs to me."
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