Waking up in the dazzling sunlight in the morning (forgot to close the curtains), the trance experience is 85% happiness and 15% happiness for the rest of my life (thanks for waking up). 85% of the happiness also contains 35% of the sincerity, my stalker-like sneakiness in reality was finally caught in a dream - I was there with him at the same time. Through the split-screen co-occurrence of the two perspectives of the viewer and the watched, I learned that those secret, unbearable and obscene voyeurs have been grasped by the objects of my voyeurism. At this moment, I really seemed to understand why Tomek was crying and running away.
Following that moment, the moment when my heart was beating wildly in my dream, I recalled many throbbing moments that I had actually had. For example, whose skin and hair touched my back that night, the sudden embrace, the blurred silhouette dancing in the backlight, or just a shout - who named me - who unifies my code name, my perception and myself.
In these many moments that are still touched by my cherished and recalled memories, I am just purely watching, listening, feeling, these experiences have not touched my emotions, at least I haven't had time to distinguish it, but it is nerve-wracking follow me. The moment the subject met me, I was taken aback. Our encounter made my spirits shudder. Even though I can neither generalize his qualities nor crown him with words, this feeling is still happening and guiding me.
and lead me. You, allow me to call it that, are my intuition. Through you, I learned the perception of pain and the appearance of love. Through you, I spin a trolley full of milk bottles to understand happiness, and numb myself with ice to overcome the urge to cry. Through you, I exchange one fluid for another—with blood I comprehend the milk on your fingertips, and the tears on your cheeks. You are my way of contacting the world, my emotional experience. You found my crouched soul, illuminated my dusty heart, and you unfolded me.
The object that caused all this, although unsearchable, is expected. The appearance of the object fills the void of experience, and brings to light the imaginary that cannot be known and cannot be expressed. Precisely because objects are not reasoned and cannot be found along the chain of experience, Magda's window is like a once-vacant throne, in a flow that is eager to grasp but also difficult to grasp. I can imitate the couple sitting next door and try to touch your fingers, but I can't give your thighs the warmth of the man you've spent the night with. I can't catch you, and I can't seem to catch you, because you are divine, embodied, something I long to get close to but can't get close to. I remember you, I imagine you, I can touch you, but we are never interactive.
Keith's "Love Short Film" also offers this kind of thinking: even if the twist of voyeurism shows us another possibility of watching, the talent struck by intuitive love does not flow with it, and it is not for sentient beings. shared by people. The woman's anxiety and care point to loneliness and death, her melancholy is Madonna, caring for a teenager crying when she slams out of the door, pity for the loss of life. At the end, through the boy's prosthetic eyes, she saw him appear beside her, soothing her injured self, as if she really felt the exact existence of love. Even so, her love had never been pure, at least not as intense as Tomek's—or self-eating. The reason why "Love Short" is so painful is that it truly loves love, and uses love to separate the lover from the loved one. This topic, which runs through human history, has been divided, materialized, and deconstructed by generations of people, and described for all those who fall into it. And now, this kind of love before us is not only a kind of ability, but also a kind of talent. It is only about the whole, the whole of the object itself, and solidifies at the moment of flow, completes at the moment of occurrence. I just lived in front of the window sill, and I didn't want to know you or enter you through anything else, and I didn't even want you to see me and love me. I've been crushed and you surround me.
2021.10.11 night
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