In fact, we were all mother's babies, but this state lasted too long for some people.
In the film "The Virgin Mountain," the protagonist, Foss, is in his forties, but still surrounds his mother.
Because of his mother's strong "maternal love", Fox's self-development has been inhibited and is still in the early stages of life.
Such a mother and boy encountered various problems in the process of interacting with the world.
With not yet full wings, can he complete his self-growth and grow from a boy to a real man?
01
A son engulfed by his mother has no chance to develop himself.
A mother needs her son to prove her existence.
In a family without a father, it is easy for a mother to see her son as her only sustenance.
Foss wanted to listen to his mother's words, and his mother's needs were his needs. Even in the smallest details of life, what clothes to wear should be under his mother's control.
In the mother's tone, the son is her property, carrying her expression to the world, what is appropriate and what is inappropriate, it is the mother who has the final say.
Endured too much mother's needs.
This kind of weight, like the thick fat added to Foss, squeezes the space of self, squeezes it again, how much is left is his own!
Foss has a lot of skills, he can repair cars, use a blowtorch, can make models, and has a personal hobby.
But because of the lack of space for self-exploration, we can't see the light in his eyes, and we can't perceive his inner world.
This makes his life monotonous, going to the same restaurant and ordering the same food.
Drive to the lake to relax and listen to only one type of music.
When the ego is in a state of savagery and uncivilization, man is like a walking body without a soul.
Therefore, what we see in Foss, everything he does, seems empty, boring, and superficial, because it is an external manifestation of his inner lack.
If a person has not explored himself, he will not gain life experience, then he is like never born, unable to experience the value and meaning of existence in the world.
Therefore, people need to embark on the path that belongs only to themselves, leave the arms of their parents, and start a personal journey.
02
Leaving is not easy, it takes a lot of determination and courage.
For Ma Baonan, leaving his mother is more like a betrayal.
Mom put all her love and attention on herself, and he didn't want to let her down and hurt her heart.
The mother's sadness is the son's guilt.
In order to escape this sense of guilt, the son could not bear to go against his mother's wishes and leave her mother, which has also become an insurmountable taboo.
In turn, the mother's excessive protection and control of her son trapped her son in a small world, unable to stretch his fists and feet.
Over time, the son lost the confidence to explore the world and was not able to develop his own life.
In order to pay for Foss, his mother boyfriend gave him a dance class voucher, hoping that he would go out and make friends, but Foss, who was shy, did not dare to walk into the crowd.
When his mother's boyfriend found out that Foss didn't go to class, he was extremely disappointed. He felt that he and Foss' mother would never have a private space.
Because this middle-aged son cannot leave home at all.
Later, driven by his girlfriend, Foss mustered the courage to move out.
His mother, who was sitting next to him, was furious as he packed up.
Foss, who never talked back to his mother, had no idea how determined he was to make such a decision!
Sometimes, even when we make the right decisions, we can't help letting others down.
But we cannot continue to remain in the quagmire of mistakes for fear of disappointment.
A mother only wants her son to be a baby, but society needs him to be a man.
His life, after all, is his own responsibility.
03
When he applied the coping style learned at home to social life, the results were not satisfactory.
Social life is an extension of family life, and the way we interact with society often stems from the patterns of our relationships with our parents, siblings, and siblings.
When the image of a father is lacking in the family, the son has no male role model, and he cannot spy on the world of men through this role to develop his male strength, but is completely controlled and protected by his mother.
Such Foss has a soft personality and lacks masculinity.
Even if he is bullied by his colleagues, he will not resist, which makes his colleagues treat him worse and worse.
When the "mother's love" is too strong, the son will be extremely immersed in the influence and care of the "mother's love".
When I meet other women in my life, I always look forward to seeing the shadow of my mother in her to replicate his relationship with my mother.
There are many scenes of Fox drinking milk in the film, implying that he has not yet been "weaned".
When he first met his girlfriend, Fox unconsciously regarded his girlfriend as a continuation of his mother.
However, such an unequal relationship must not work.
In social life, we encounter various forces, and no one is immune from these forces.
Sometimes we are pushed forward, and sometimes we are prompted to stop and re-examine our own lives.
In this process, we gradually improve ourselves and continue to grow.
04
Some people come into our lives and lead us to a more mature version of ourselves.
Fox's girlfriend is undoubtedly the most important role to influence Fox.
Her appearance not only added new color to Fox's life, but also taught him to take responsibility.
We can imagine what Ma Baonan's life is like at home.
These details can be seen in the movie-
Mom cooks for Foss, irons his clothes, prepares cakes for him to share with colleagues, and even takes time off from Foss when he is sick.
Foss, who doesn't have to worry about the size of his life, is full of love and love when facing his depressed and sick girlfriend, and a solid strength grows out of it.
This power is called responsibility.
He chose to stand with this woman and share in the dark moments of her life.
Cook, bathe, clean up the messy room, and even go to work for your girlfriend without losing her job due to illness.
Fox got a huge growth momentum from his girlfriend.
He surpassed himself.
This surging power pulled him out of his past life for a moment and met another possibility of his own.
But after a brief period of tenderness with his girlfriend, his girlfriend still rejected Foss.
After a long circle, Foss seemed to be thrown back into his former life.
At this time, milk reappeared in the picture, making people feel a touch of sadness, as if he had degenerated back to the way he was before.
His girlfriend doesn't need him anymore, does he still have the motivation to grow?
05
The ultimate motivation for a person's growth still comes from himself.
Growth and regression do alternate and recur, especially when a habit is just established.
When the motivation is insufficient and the mood is not high, people will retreat.
Fox, standing by the window, might be thinking—
In such a blizzard, do you want to go out, or stay safely where you are?
This question seems to pop up in our minds every time we come to a fork in the road in our lives.
Even if he hesitates and wanders, the correct answer has already been clearly revealed in our hearts, just waiting for the moment when we are ready to go.
After separating from his girlfriend, Fox still decided to help her and realize her dream of a flower shop.
He took down the store and brought his friends to decorate it warmly and romantically.
From listening to his mother to following his girlfriend's wishes, Fox hasn't really made his own decisions
And this time, he has to listen to his own heart, even if his girlfriend won't change her mind, this is his choice.
In fact, growth is a choice and an initiative.
Maybe we will also face being forced to grow and have to grow, but at this time, it is more like a helpless struggle rather than real growth.
True growth must come from the heart, wanting this.
Foss, who has never been abroad, finally embarked on his own journey.
He has worked in the airport for many years, but it seems that the travelers who come and go have not taken a step.
The airport is home, and now, he can finally leave home.
This story may be far away from us, and it is rare that such an extreme situation happens to us.
The ability of most mabao boys to adapt to society is much better than that of Fox.
But this story is very close to us.
Because we've all been stuck, stuck, or rather, spent most of our lives that way.
We are trapped in the family, trapped in the work, trapped in the shallow cognition of self, and can't get out.
How to do?
In addition to waiting and being patient, all we can do is to water ourselves and bask in the sun.
Growth is a process, and sometimes the process is quite lengthy.
We need time to accumulate energy and nurture ourselves.
If we do not stop exploring ourselves and experiencing the world, then I believe that the power of growth will always be surging in our lives.
I hope each of us can have this power and move towards a more mature self.
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