I had to pause the movie and laugh out of breath.
The first time I saw the German version
, I laughed hard enough. When I finished reading the first time, the English version was downloaded. So I watched it the second time. I didn’t want to laugh more. The actors had a
serious English accent that looked like a gentleman combined with AD. The scene in Jerusalem in 33 years
has intensified the comedy effect...
Here are some "burdens" of the show: (there is a plot to reveal!!!)
Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah".
[Everyone gasps]
Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!
Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?
Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!
Jewish Official : Was it you?
Stoner: Yes.
Jewish Official: Right...
Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah. "
[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]
Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah. "
[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death]
Judith: [on Stan's desire to be a mother] Here! I've got an idea: Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb-which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans'-but that he can have the *right* to have babies.
Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother... sister, sorry.
Reg: What's the *point*?
Francis: What?
Reg: What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies, when he can't have babies?
Francis: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
Reg: It's symbolic of his struggle against reality.
Reg: If you want to join the People's Front of Judea, you have to really hate the Romans.
Brian: I do!
Reg: Oh yeah, how much?
Brian: A lot!
Reg: Right, you're in.
[Brian is writing graffiti on the palace wall. The Centurion catches him in the act]
Centurion: What's this, then? "Romanes eunt domus"? People called Romanes, they go, the house?
Brian: It says, "Romans go home. "
Centurion: No it doesn't! What's the latin for "Roman"? Come on, come on!
Brian: Er, "Romanus"!
Centurion: Vocative plural of "Romanus" is?
Brian: Er, er, "Romani"!
Centurion: [Writes "Romani" over Brian's graffiti] "Eunt"? What is "eunt"? Conjugate the verb, "to go"!
Brian: Er, "Ire". Er, "eo", "is", "it", "imus", "itis", "eunt".
Centurion: So, "eunt" is ...?
Brian: Third person plural present indicative, "they go".
Centurion: But, "Romans, go home" is an order. So you must use...?
[He twists Brian's ear]
Brian: Aaagh! The imperative!
Centurion: Which is...?
Brian: Aaaagh! Er, er, "i"!
Centurion: How many Romans?
Brian: Aaaaagh! Plural, plural, er, "ite"!
Centurion: [Writes "ite"] "Domus"? Nominative? "Go home" is motion towards, isn't it?
Brian: Dative!
[The Centurion holds a sword to his throat]
Brian: Aaagh! Not the dative, not the dative! Er, er, accusative, "Domum"!
Centurion: But "Domus" takes the locative, which is...?
Brian: Er, "Domum"!
Centurion: [Writes "Domum"] Understand? Now, write it out a hundred times.
Brian: Yes sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar, sir.
Centurion: Hail Caesar! And if it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.
Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health,what have the Romans ever done for us?
Attendee: Brought peace?
Reg: Oh, peace-shut up!
[a line of prisoners files past a jailer]
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Mr. Cheeky: Yes.
Coordinator: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.
Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, fuck off!
[silence]
Arthur: How shall we fuck off, O Lord?
Suicide Squad Leader: We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack!
[they all stab themselves]
Suicide Squad Leader: That
showed'em , huh? Leper 1: Alms for a leper!
Leper 2: Alms for a leper!
Ex-Leper: Alms for an ex-leper!
Ex-Leper: Okay, sir, my final offer: half a shekel for an old ex-leper?
Brian: Did you say "ex-leper"?
Ex-Leper: That's right, sir, 16 years behind a veil and proud of it, sir.
Brian: Well, what happened?
Ex-Leper: Oh, cured, sir.
Brian: Cured?
Ex-Leper: Yes sir, bloody miracle, sir. Bless you!
Brian: Who cured you?
Ex-Leper: Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! "You're cured, mate." Bloody do-gooder.
Brian: Please, please, please listen! I've got one or two things to say.
The Crowd: Tell us! Tell us both of them!
Brian: Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for your selves! You're ALL individuals !
The Crowd: Yes! We're all individuals!
Brian: You're all different!
The Crowd: Yes, we ARE all different!
Small lonely voice in crowd: I'm not...
The Crowd: Sch~~~ !
Pontius Pilate: Stwike him, Centuwion. Stwike him vewy wuffly!
Centurion: I think it's a joke, sir. Sort of like... uh... Sillius Sodus, or Biggus Dickus.
Pontius Pilate: What's so funny about "Biggus Dickus ? "
Centurion: Its a joke name, sir.
Pontius Pilate: I have a vewy good fwiend in Wome named "Biggus Dickus."
[guard laughs]
Pontius Pilate: WIGHT! THAT'S IT!
Centurion: Where is Brian of Nazareth?
Brian: You sanctimonious bastards!
Centurion: I have an order for his release!
Brian: You stupid bastards!
Stan: Uh, I'm Brian of Nazareth.
Brian: What?
Stan: Yeah, I-I-I'm Brian of Nazareth.
Centurion: Take him down!
Brian: I'm Brian of Nazareth!
Victim #1: Eh, I'm Brian!
Mr. Big Nose: I'm Brian!
Victim #2: Look, I'm Brian!
Brian: I'm Brian!
Victims: I'm Brian!
Gregory: I'm Brian, and so's my wife!
Victims: I'm Brian! I'm Brian!...
Brian: I'm Brian of Nazareth!
Centurion: All right. Take him away and release him.
Stan: No, I'm only joking. I'm not really Brian. No, I'm not Brian. I was only-It was a joke. I'm only pulling your leg! It's a joke! I 'm not him! I'm just having you on! Put me back! Bloody Romans! Can't take a joke!
Biggus Dickus: Let me come with you, Pontiuth. I may be of thome athithtanthe if there ith a thudden crithith !
[I may be of some assistance if there is a sudden crisis]
Lead Singer Crucifee: You know, you come from nothing, you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!
Lead Singer Crucifee: [singing] Life's a piece of shit when you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke; it's true.
Crucifees: [singing] Always look on the bright side of life.
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