Looking back on past feelings always makes people feel complicated, when I sit comfortably on the sofa, snuggling up to F, watching these intriguing conversations, suddenly I just want to hug F tightly, thank him for appearing, and take me from this Sorrowful life dragged out.
When you get older, you have more and more pressure and responsibilities, and it becomes no longer easy to remember a certain relationship, and those who have passed by in those years will eventually fade into a certain relationship. a feeling, or a lesson. I no longer remember the names of those years, but somehow, I remember those feelings.
Those melancholy, resolute, reluctant but powerless, and other indescribable feelings.
There are some clips, for example, that hoarse cry, that desperate rescue, even betting my whole life in Germany, and those ambiguities that I don't remember very much, and the final death....
Maybe I have thought about years later, and then I will have a dialogue with those people - ask them, hey... Why did you not choose me back then? Why didn't work out back then?
In fact, I did this once and hesitated for a long time, but finally I chatted with the other party and talked about my state of mind at the time, the disappointment he brought me, and the despair that I felt I could never get rid of. The other party seemed very plain, but also very embarrassed. I could clearly feel his embarrassment and avoidance, because he clearly knew that back then, he really hurt me. But I'm quite happy, I feel that after so many years, what I wanted to say, I finally said it, this feeling, really, too, good.
I don't look like the male protagonist here, who persistently wants to talk, wants to talk, actually assume, actually maybe, actually actually. But it can't be said, anyway, after you have Sara, I have Jeff.... So time can't actually go forward or backward.
Finally he took me downstairs, I went upstairs and happily called F.
I'm so thankful that in the end, I didn't have to tell a taxi driver that happiness is nice, but it's fucking hard.
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