When I was two years old, my father died, and I killed him!
I watched him helplessly slide down the table, a thin white foam overflowing from the corners of his mouth, muttering that he didn't know what to say, and looked at me madly, but I was happily playing with the bottle, happy and happy. Naive, "It's good, it's good to die again!" I thought silently in my heart, and the feeling of excitement was transmitted to my whole body along the central nervous system! Paralyzed and trembling, a warm current flows slowly along my thighs, I savor the beauty of this unspeakable cruelty, and my diaper is wet!
It was I who put rat poison into my father's teacup. Although I was only two years old, I already knew a lot about the consequences of eating it. That is to say, I did it on purpose and didn't put a pack carefully. Putting rat poison in the glass of someone I'm with day and night is a bit difficult for a two year old, but I did it and I think I'm a great person!
I'm going to kill him -- my father, because he's going to kill me, he thinks I'm Broom Star
He thinks I'm Broom Star, because I killed my mother!
I killed my mother, I did it on purpose. When she leaned down and angrily picked up the chopsticks I had thrown away on purpose, I kicked the table knife on the table with my foot and stuck it in her back, I only saw her jump down, her legs and feet Trembling, and then silent for a while. Dark red blood bloomed on the carpet, like a beautiful flower, just like the flower in the villain book I read!
I don't know why I want to kill my mother, in fact, she is very kind to me, but it's like being instructed by a god and I can't resist, I watch him happen step by step, but I can't stop it like watching a movie, maybe I was born There is a hobby of cruelty in the blood.
So, I became an orphan.
Lonely life makes people mature. When I was 12 years old, sexual consciousness was already flourishing in my mind. I had no way or want to resist but let him rage. I chose a 27-year-old woman because I don't think the little girl is interesting. Besides, she brought it to the door by herself. Who asked her to talk to me about the philosophy of life, I hate this the most.
I met her on the Internet. It was the Internet cafe next door to me. I used to hang out there, and they dared not take my money.
"Why don't you go to study?"
"Hehe, it's good that I survived. My relatives are avoiding me like the plague."
"Why?"
"Because I know I'm a genius, they are jealous of me, I'm afraid I'll kill them like ants when I grow up"
"Hey, you're so funny,"
"Yes, all my girlfriends say that about me, I'm used to your compliments!"
"Hehe Hee, you are still very good at blowing, I don't believe you are only 12 years old"
"I don't have to lie to you, I will always be honest and truthful in front of women, I love them!"
"Haha you said you are only 12 Years old, can you know what a woman is?"
"Women are just a symbol in my life, I know them like I know which finger is longer. The emptiness of life is originally caused by gender differences. If there had never been a woman in the world, then there would be no present world. Without the present world, there would be no boring and shameless us. Without us, there would be no such empty life. If there is no empty life, do you think there will be nothingness?" "
" ……………….”
Her curiosity about me brought her into my palm, and I knew I was a child in the eyes of a 27-year-old woman who marveled at the tone and words I spoke to her, and wanted to know me better, when I was weary from I think she's even more bewildered as her body climbs up and down, no! It's not confusing, she's going crazy! ! Her eyes were dull, and the shock was more than physical pleasure and shame. I knew she had pleasure, and I was proud of it!
Falling and wandering, I'm 22 years old.
My 22-year-old is not much different from other 22-year-olds, the same vanity, the same impulsiveness, the same emptiness and helplessness, but I think I still live a good life.
Of course, I am equally unemployed. No legitimate income.
All I can do every day is wander the streets looking for everything to keep me alive, no, not just survival, I'm pretty demanding, I know most of the popular clothing brands, coffee and tea The difference is that I don’t have time to eat foreign fast food that is hard to swallow, smoke high-end cigarettes, take taxis at least twice a month, and most importantly, I also take drugs!
When I came out of the all-night video room on a morning without the morning fog, what filled my head was a blissful fall from the sky, and I saw my prey.
This is an old man walking in a hurry, with a huge and ugly and worn-out handbag under his arm, holding the strap of the handbag tightly with one hand, at a glance, it is a rural old man who came to the city to buy goods in the morning, almost seeing At that moment, I made a judgment, without even thinking through my brain, I grabbed it!
The old man resisted instinctively, desperately grabbing the strap of the bag to prevent me from succeeding, his face was flushed, and he shouted loudly, which made me angry, "Looking for death!" He stabbed him fiercely, the sharp scraper pierced into the old man's body lightly, a hot and viscous liquid wetted my hand along the handle of the knife, and the air immediately filled with the smell of fishy mutton , the old man leaned against the wall by the street and slowly slid down, his face like white paper was full of sweat, he stopped shouting, just stared at me, without blinking, this look made me panic, I let go The sticky and wet hands made me feel sick for a while, and I didn’t even need a knife. I started running as fast as I could, and when I almost collapsed, I stopped and vomited, my hands in the air. I wiped hard on the mud floor, trying to get rid of this disgusting memory, a feeling of sadness and self-blame that I had never had in my heart, I'm so fucking stupid! !
I lived in chaos until I was 32 years old.
There is no marriage, no family, and of course, no worries. It’s not that I don’t like women. I have liked them since I was a child. However, I instinctively dislike the responsibility of family and husband and wife. I feel too tired and troublesome. Unhappy, I just live naked and numbly, not dead!
Every day is lazy and poor, every day is a repeat of yesterday, I learned mahjong, of course, to play with money, but it is not big, because I have no money and no friends. If I was shot, I would go to jail, and some of them made a fortune, but I didn’t have any contacts, and I was too lazy to take care of me. I just lived like this, letting time slowly cut me. There was no ideal, no future, and no plans. until I met her!
I happened to be drunk on the street again that day, leaning against the wall I staggered, the damn bad wine gave me a splitting headache, and there was a flame in my mouth, and as I was throwing up in the corner, my residual intuition told me I stared at me with cold eyes, turned my head weakly, it was a girl, I saw her eyes were full of contempt and disgust, she was actually a very ugly girl, not too young, small Eyes dodging behind glasses, but refracting cold eyes, seeing me looking back at her, hurried away with hands behind her nose, but contempt and disdain still reverberate in the air around me like echoes of the valley, Like a torch burning my anesthetized heart, all of a sudden I hate myself for no reason, hate me for being out of tune with this world, I'm really like a fucking pile of garbage breathing in this city, rotting, smelly, and small.
I decided to leave, leave this city, leave all this!
………………..
Chopping firewood, feeding the horses, sitting by the high reels and waiting for the first beautiful sunrise in the morning, this is my life every morning when I was 42 years old!
This is a beautiful mountain col. I live a quiet and toiled life here. I learned to farm, to go to the mountains to chop wood, and to read and think. I am alone but I don’t feel lonely. , I will sit by the babbling stream and watch the breeze blowing over the green hillside, the horses leisurely nibbling on the green grass beside me, dotted with beautiful wildflowers and stars. I have planted a large field of sunflowers on the hills I cultivated, and they grow brilliantly and flamboyantly, chasing the nostalgia and grace of the sun.
There are not many residents in this col, they are all simple and diligent, they keep a smile and distance to me, among them there are children, they are more curious about me, maybe, a mysterious outsider like me is a kind of novelty to them , they play happily and frolic, disturbing my peaceful life from time to time, and I am very happy about it. Treat these innocent and kind glances with sunflower seeds and hazelnuts, but I don't speak.
"Can I pick these flowers?" "Yes
"
"Thank you, did you keep these bees?"
"Yes"
"It's so cute,"
"………….."
"Can I pet your lamb?"
"Well"
"Thank you, you're so nice, can I call you uncle? I don't have an uncle, but I know It should be called your uncle, that's what my mother said"
"Yeah"
"Uncle, I want to ride your horse, I like it very much,"
"Yeah"
"Uncle, are you from the city?"
"Yeah"
"Then why did you come here? I heard my sister say that the city is very fun?"
"Haha"
"But my sister also said that there are many bad people in the city. Is it because you hate them that you come here?"
"No"
" Haha, uncle, you have spoken, I have never heard you speak."
"Really?"
"Yes, where is your home uncle?"
"Uncle has no home"
"No, there is a home. , I have a family, my sister has a family, my friends have a family, and even the black bear and the lamb have a family."
"Uncle doesn't have a family."
"Uncle, you are so pitiful
."
"But uncle, you are a good person, I know, why don't I marry you when I grow up? Then you will have a family
!!
" , you wait for me to grow up, I will marry you when I grow up, so that you can have a lovely home too".
"……………………..".
At 52, I was the most respected priest in the community.
This is the most fringe corner of the city. It is poor and messy. Since I left the Col. 10 years ago, I have come here and become a priest. I have always used my words and deeds to influence the residents here, especially the children. What I try to do every day is to teach them to read and write, to understand the truth of life, to settle disputes between them, to teach them tirelessly, and to get my own peace and joy from it. I teach them to believe, to be afraid and not to be afraid, to appreciate music, to learn the great in the ordinary. I became their greatest and most revered figure.
And so on until the end of my life!
Dilapidated neighborhoods always have all kinds of disasters coming. It seems that they will not be far away from him because of his poverty, or even more frequently. People have no other way than cursing and cursing in vain. There is a more violent brewing.
I was the first to reach the fire when the flames started to spread on the roof. I live next door and I know there are kids in there.
The cry of the woman, the noise and panic of the crowd, the whole street is full of scorching crowds, they once again cursed the damn hot weather and the dilapidated and flammable wooden buildings, only me, rushed into the sea of fire, I know, they need me!
The deadly smoke enveloped me, I searched hard for the figure of the child inside, let the flames burn my hair and clothes, desperate, in fact, when I hugged the child, I already knew it was difficult Removed, the fire is too big! And the temperature of the air was suffocating enough, I took off my clothes as fast as I could, and wrapped tightly around the poor child, who had passed out. Time passed by minute by minute. I was looking for an exit in the fire field. The gate was surrounded by fire, and the wooden slats on the roof kept burning and falling. Suddenly, I saw a gap, a small hole. It was too small to allow a child to pass through. I did not hesitate to push the child out of the hole and heard cheers from outside....... The
fire was getting bigger and bigger, and I knew I couldn't get out. , but there is no trace of fear, my heart is full of boundless joy......
When my body became lighter and lighter and slowly floated on the ceiling, I looked at my body lying in the rubble and burst into tears!
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