This story tells us that there is nothing that money cannot solve

[first lines]

Lucy Mirando: [to camera while descending industrial stairway] Oh, thank you! What a terrific crowd! Welcome to my inauguration! I'm Lucy, Lucy Mirando, of the Mirando Corporation. Welcome to my grandfather's old factory. Now, I know, we all know, that Grandpa Mirando was a terrible man.

[crowd laughs]

Lucy Mirando: We know of the atrocities he committed in this space. We know these walls are stained with the blood of fine working men. But today, I reclaim this space, to tell you a beautiful story. Now the rotten CEOs are gone. It's Mirando's new era with me, and with new core values, environment, and life. Awesome.

Employee: You're much more fun than the last chief executive.

Lucy Mirando: Well, former CEO Nancy is my sister, but, uh... we're very different people. We have very different ways of being. We have very different business ethics. But she's totally ignorant about humanity. She lacks vision beyond her next round of golf.

[crowd laughs]

Lucy Mirando: The world's population is at 7 billion. 805 million human beings struggle with hunger every day, including 30 million right here in the United States. The world is running out of food, and we're not talking about it.

Lucy Mirando: We needed a miracle. And then we got one. Say hello to a super piglet. This beautiful and special little creature was miraculously discovered on one Chilean farm. We brought this precious girl to the Mirando Ranch in Arizona. Our scientists have been raising her with love and care ever since, observing and performing various studies. And we've successfully reproduced 26 miracle piglets by nonforced, natural mating. They are like nothing on Earth!

Jay: He still hasn't eaten anything?

Blond: No, he's, uh... still trying to leave the smallest footprint on the planet that he can.

Silver: All food production is exploitative.

Blond: Try this.

Silver: Mmm-mmm.

Blond: Come on. It's just a tomato.

Silver: Ripened in ethylene gas. Transported in trucks.

Jay: I admire your conviction, Silver, but your pallid complexion concerns me.