The Trouble with Terkel Quotes

Priest: Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?

Leon: [looks up from his newspaper] No.

Audience: [groans]

[singing]

Jason: I can't believe I've never seen/I can, like, not understand it/this is the first fucking time I see you

[oooh oooh]

Jason: /you're an awesome way to pass the time/yeah, you're the bitch in my life/like lightning, what's wrong with me?

[woooh oooh oooh]

Jason: I think I've been blind until today/when you suddenly looked at me and said/Fuck off and die - you're too ugly for me, and your mother goes for $100/you said it straight to my face/

[woooh ooh]

Jason: what do you want?/babe, I'm standing here like a nerd in a cloud of confusion/I want to be in your space/it feels so fucking wild/think of all the time I've wasted/you're all I want, I think I've been converted

[ooh ooh]

Jason: /and suddenly here I stand/now I can see how fine you are/and I'll get really pissed if you have a boyfriend

[oooh oooh oooh]

Jason: /I can only hope that you will be my girl/ and you are motherfucking fresh on it, who came and said to me/Fuck off and die - you're too ugly for me, and your mother goes for $100/you said it straight to my face/

[woooh ooh]

Jason: what do you want?/babe, I'm standing here like a nerd in a cloud of confusion/I want to be in your space/Fuck off and die - you're too ugly for me, and your mother goes for $100/you said it straight to my face/

[woooh ooh]

Jason: what do you want?/babe, I'm standing here like a nerd in a cloud of confusion/I want to be in your space...

[after Doris has jumped out of a fourth story window]

Caretaker: Thank god that fat cow didn't land on anyone!

[about Gunnar, the new teacher]

Jason: He was more than a little fucked up, wasn't he?

Saki: Ey Torkel, what was it that you called fat Doris yesterday?

Terkel: Er... fat cow?

Saki: Oh right! Haha! Fucking awesome!

Terkel: My teacher got run over by a bus...

Terkel's Mum: Well, you've had a full week then!

Terkel's Mum: Torkel, you're not on the ramp are you?

Terkel: No, mum, I...

Terkel's Mum: Well if you are then come home this instant! You know wet wood spreads SARS!

Terkel: [on the phone, after Stewart's long song about all the childen he has helped out, nearly crying] But can't I just get a little bit of help?

Stewart: That's right Terkel, that's just what you're going to say if your weenie suddenly catches on fire one day...

Terkel: But...

Stewart: ...So long, and tell your dad I'll drop in and crush his face in a few days.