In Lanzhou at the end of October, the weather has turned cold. In the bleak late autumn in the northwest, the red leaves are scattered all over the place. No one knows if it has ever been attached to the wonderful elegance of that summer. It's just that we will eventually understand that everything in the world will fall into dust.
In late autumn, I put on bed sheets and quilts with a large number of bright flowers, nesting in a warm orange, but I no longer dream easily. It is easy to fall into memories, recalling the past that happened in this misty and bleak late autumn and the long and gloomy winter. Recalling the cold winter of my childhood, on a sunny afternoon, I would often be on the steps outside my own courtyard by the road, chatting and basking in the sun with several elderly neighbors. So when a grandfather couldn't get out of bed for a long time, he asked his family about the little girl who accompanied him in the sun. Thinking of that birthday in high school, we had a hangover on a snowy night, and on the snow under the moonlight, we were young and wanton rolling. Thinking of the re-reading in the third year of high school, the cold winter at six o'clock in the morning, walking alone on the way to school. When I look up and see the stars in the sky, I always feel sad, so I tell myself that if I persist for a while, it will be fine, and I tell myself that I still have dreams. Reminds me of the loss in my sophomore year. That year, the wind in Dagang seemed to be more piercing than before, so that I would often be stinged and cry at night. Then I tried to tell myself over and over again that without a mother, I must be strong and do better. Thinking of the unprecedented insomnia, anxiety, and hesitation caused by caring too much about the results two years ago. The longer you hold on to one thing, the more you care about it, the more careful you are.
Memories are elongated by loneliness, and those that are deeply remembered will never be forgotten. The book says, "People's desire to see the past is so strong because they can't grasp the present." Perhaps for me, the desire to see the past is so strong because I can't identify with the status quo. I only dare to recall, not to hope. The vulgar saying is that if the heart has no place to rest, it will be a wanderer wherever it goes. Perhaps, I have been wandering all the time. No matter how good the state on the road is, there must be a predetermined end point.
Life needs a kind of support. Dreams, emotions, or beliefs. Otherwise, after losing the center of gravity, the unbearable lightness is even more frightening. An invisible sense of fear pervades the surroundings at all times, whether reading, watching movies, shopping or sleeping. I read all kinds of novels, essays, essays, interspersed professional books, and sporadic movies, but I can't escape the curse of living in other people's lives, and I can't find any happy or sad winter days in the past. The inner peace of mind of working hard for a given goal. However, I don't even know how to do this?
View more about Pina reviews
