Deon 2022-03-19 09:01:02
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Johnny Carson: You know I thought you'd be taller.
Young Ted: I thought *you* were gonna be funnier.
[last lines, as Ted and Sam Jones do a "flash jump" after John and Lori's wedding]
Narrator: And that's the story of how one magical wish forever changed the lives of three very special friends.
[footage of Ted and Tami-Lynn on their double date with John and Lori]
Narrator: Ted and Tami-Lynn continued their torrid love affair for quite some time. One afternoon Ted was caught behind the deli counter eating potato salad off of Tami- Lynn's bare bottom. He was instantly promoted to store manager.
[footage of Sam Jones walking toward John at Ted's party]
Narrator: Sam Jones moved back to Hollywood with the goal of restarting his film career. He currently resides in Burbank where he shares a studio apartment with his roommate Brandon Routh.
[photo of Brandon Routh]
Narrator: Remember Brandon Routh from that godawful "Superman" movie? Jesus Christ. Thanks for getting our hopes up and taking a giant shit on us.
[footage of Rex at the office]
Narrator: Rex gave up his pursuit of Lori. Not long after he fell into a deep depression and died of Lou Gehrig's disease.
[footage of Donny dancing in his living room]
Narrator: Donny was arrested by Boston police and charged with kidnapping a plush toy. The charges were dropped when everyone realized how completely stupid that sounded.
[footage of Robert in his bedroom]
Narrator: Robert got a trainer, lost a substantial amount of weight, and went on to become Taylor Lautner.
[photo of Taylor Lautner]
