In the consultation room, it is a common phenomenon that the client has empathy towards the consultant .
When the client is often empathized and understood, he or she tends to over-idealize the counselor .
At this time, it is very likely that there will be a situation where "the client falls in love with the counselor". That's the case with Lola in the first season of "Ask the Heart".
01
Lola, 30 years old, is a beautiful and sexy female nurse. She has a boyfriend who loves her very much, but she is always afraid of marriage and does not want to be bound by it.
For this reason, she always deliberately angered her boyfriend, quarreled with her boyfriend, and made him give up the idea of proposing to her.
Every time after a fight, she would go to a bar to get drunk and have sex with a strange man.
When she wakes up, she will feel guilty again and feel sorry for her boyfriend.
This vicious cycle over and over again makes Lola's life into a mess.
Once again, on the eve of the consultation, she went to the bar all night.
In the consultation room, while crying, she recounted what happened in the bar the night before: "I was approached by a strange man, and the two went to the toilet to have sex..."
Paul listened quietly, and gradually led the conversation to her relationship with her boyfriend.
Suddenly, Lola raised her head and stared into Paul's eyes: "Can't you see it? I went to the bar, not because of my boyfriend at all."
"What's that for?" Paul asked.
"Because of you! I want to meet you in a bar and have a relationship with you..." Laura replied slightly embarrassedly.
Immediately afterwards, Lola confessed her love for Paul this year.
Hearing Lola's sudden confession, Paul felt a little shocked.
He immediately explained to Lola the boundaries, moral and ethical issues between counselor and client. But Lola couldn't accept it and left the consultation room in despair.
02
In fact, Paul's marriage at that time was not happy, he and his wife had already lived apart, and there was no passion at all.
On a conscious level, he struggles to restrain his countertransference towards Lola. But subconsciously, he actually "falls in love" with Lola.
When the supervisor suggested referring Lola, Paul strongly objected: "I'm a professional counselor, why should I refer her?"
In the consulting room, Paul does defend his boundaries with Lola professionally.
When Lola wanted to come into his home to borrow the bathroom, he would rather let the consultation end early than agree. (Note: The counseling room is separated from Paul's house by a wall.)
When Lola asked him if he had ever fantasized about her, he shook his head against his will. (Note: In fact, he has.)
But for Laura, being repeatedly rejected by Paul was actually very frustrating.
So, she started a self-defeating mode.
She quickly agreed to her boyfriend's proposal, and then quickly broke up with her boyfriend;
She deliberately approached Paul's other client, A, on a date, to stimulate Paul.
It's clear that the whole treatment isn't going in the right direction, instead throwing Paul and Lola's relationship into unprecedented chaos.
03
This strange triangular relationship not only hurts Lola, but also hurts Client A.
Upon realizing this, Paul had to follow the advice of his supervisor and discuss the referral with Laura.
To his surprise, Lola agreed immediately.
Because Laura herself is tired of this life without herself.
For more than a year, she has put almost all her focus on Paul, and everything she does revolves around Paul, and she has long since lost herself.
Out of self-help instinct, she also knew that she had to stop counseling and leave Paul before she could start a new life.
But after the treatment was terminated, the two could not make a decisive decision, and there was still emotional entanglement.
In the first week of separation, Lola's father entered the ICU due to a sudden illness.
Terrified Lola contacted Paul immediately and asked for Paul's comfort.
At this point, the two were no longer counselors and clients, but friends. They lean on the sofa and share their past experiences comfortably.
Slowly, the two got closer and closer and hugged tightly.
And when Lola tried to kiss Paul further, Paul instinctively pushed away.
Because he is very clear in his heart that even a former visitor cannot go beyond the limit and develop other relationships.
For Laura, who was extremely vulnerable at the time, Paul's rejection was undoubtedly a secondary injury to her. She fell into the shame of being abandoned again, and fled in a hurry.
04
Since then, Laura has stopped contacting Paul or responding to Paul's messages.
Interestingly, Paul fell into deep thoughts of Lola because of this.
He was worried that Lola would have an accident, so he went to visit Lola's apartment alone.
In fact, Lola just suffered from a bad cold, and there was no accident.
The two exchanged a few polite greetings, and then Lola got up and went into the bedroom, and Paul naturally followed.
However, just as the two were about to have a relationship, Paul had a panic attack and fled again hastily.
He fled non-stop to the supervisor's house and couldn't wait to share the experience with him.
The supervisor listened to his narration calmly, and said meaningfully: "Your panic attack is your inner defense, and it has successfully led you to escape from an abyss where you cannot turn back."
Many years later, this statement of the supervisor has been verified.
At the time, Paul was brought to court by Client A's father.
Because Visitor A committed suicide by accident, his father believed that Paul was incompetent and caused his son's death.
If he loses the case, Paul faces the risk of paying huge damages and having his consultant license revoked.
But later, through the testimony provided by Lola, Paul successfully proved that Paul is a consultant who always adheres to professional ethics. In the end, Paul won.
Finally, I want to say: More than once, Paul couldn't hold back his emotional urge and nearly broke this line with Lola.
However, his subconscious adherence to professional ethics makes him always call to stop at critical moments.
In the end, he not only protected Lola, but himself. This is the ultimate meaning of abide by professional ethics for consultants.
Text/Guangzhou Mangrove Psychological Counseling Tangel
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