My One and Only Quotes

  • Bill Massey: As a man, there's only one thing you need to know about a woman.

    George Devereaux: What's that?

    Bill Massey: They're never the right temperature.

    George Devereaux: No?

    Bill Massey: Something to do with their plumbing. Reproduction. Whatever reason, most of the time... they're either too hot or too cold. Mostly too cold. So what you have to do... is carry a sweater or a jacket or something with you at all times. Something you can keep in the trunk of your car... or in your closet at work... for when their thermostat gets messed up.

    George Devereaux: What else?

    Bill Massey: That's it. Once you've got that covered... there's nothing else you need to know about a woman.

  • Paula: Have you ever seen breasts?

    George Devereaux: Sure... one.

    Paula: You saw one breast?

    George Devereaux: No, I meant once. I saw some once.

    Paula: Some?

    George Devereaux: Two. I saw two, once...

    Paula: You wanna see mine?

    George Devereaux: Who? Me? Now?

    Paula: Ready?

    George Devereaux: Okay. Sure, yeah.

    Paula: How do they look?

    George Devereaux: Alright! Good, fine. Of course I don't have much to compare them to...